- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
The research is a compulsion. If possible try not to act on that or you're going to work yourself up big time. Try to limit your time researching and see if you can go a whole day with out it. If you can't. Try to do 8 hours or 5 hours. Start where you can and keep increasing your time away from research. YouTube is full of bs people trying to make money, and most of those people don't have proper training. It's not the place to treat your ocd. You're in the right place on this app. Vent it out here.
- Date posted
- 5y
Im so sorry to hear youre feeling so horrible! Looking up videos like that is a compulsion, but as we all know, compulsions never truly make us feel better or make the intrusive thoughts go away. In fact, they can make it much worse. In the future Id recommend fighting the urge to look up those videos, avoid doing the compulsion (which is EXTREMELY HARD but the more you try, the closer you come to winning against OCD). To handle the anxiety, I like to use the app called “Clear Fear”. It has great exercises on there to immediately calm anxiety, even anxiety caused by OCD. Hope this helps!!
- Date posted
- 5y
One mentality I take is that if I can avoid my compulsions I'll feel better. Avoid doesn't mean eliminate. Don't look at is one big mountain, that makes things harder on your mind and can crate anxiety. Look at it as small hills you'll climb one by one. Right now just remmebr to avoid your compulsions. Even if you do act on them, dont beat yourself up. You're not going compulsion free. Just reducing them for now. Trying not acting on them. I acted on a compulsion I had this morning once. It's been almost 3 hours and I'm still fighting the urge. Am I going to give in? I could. Am I going to forget before I act again? I could. Accept uncertainty the best you can. I'm doing it right now and it's hard. My mind is racing. I can't control my thoughts. Nobody can. We all can control our actions though. I'm trying to focus on controlling those right now. Uncertainty is the worst feeling when my ocd kicks in. I'm trying to learn to live with it and it's helping me slowly reverse this. Im still not anywhere near where I want to be but I'm doing better because of this.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you very much for your realistic and logical answer, these kinds of answers help me the most. I know exactly how you feel because OCD is like hell. The fear of just finding out about the “true” own sexuality much later in life, the fear of lying all time to myself, the fear of being in denial... the fear of thinking “I must be gay” when a date with a boy doesn’t work as I expected it... the internet is like hell for HOCD, everything just really everything can be a sign if being gay when you google it...
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so much I downloaded it right now and it seems to be really good
- Date posted
- 5y
And my huge respect for you trying!!
- Date posted
- 5y
I absolutely understand, I also got off all social media accounts and I feel better without social media, as you said it, too much uninformed people, too much opinions and not facts and too much people who think they‘re experts... same with forums... uncertainty is also my biggest problem and fear... I don‘t know why I have HOCD...or why I have OCD... it’s just making me sick
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you very much ...
- Date posted
- 5y
The internet is bad for my ocd and bad for my anxiety. I got off all social media because it was giving me anxiety. I'm not recommending this to everyone, but for me it helped. Seeing all the politics, sexual things, nudity, debates, even seeing people hate on movies and other stuff I like, all that made me take a break and now that I'm off it I don't think I'll ever go back. Too many opinions on the internet for me. I like facts. Yes and no. Uncertainty is the worst for me. The internet, especially social media, brought more uncertainty into my life so I eliminated it.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 14w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
- Date posted
- 11w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
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