I don’t know if I will be following a compulsion

I know it is Christmas but my anxiety is about NYE. Every year my friends want to celebrate it together and for the last years we have done so. However this year, I have not been much in contact with them and some friends organized a night, excluding other common friends of ours because they are not “party animal” and they want to be arty animals. Now on one side, I am not a party animal at all (even though I have been invited) and the idea of being forced into party animals celebration is horrible to me. However, my OCD is triggered by the fact that there are some girls that I do not know and my brain is already in OCD mode, telling me “You are going to be attracted by one of these girls,cheat on your bf and lose him forever”. Of course, this causes me tons of anxiety even though I know I am in love with my boyfriend and it is OCD talking. On the other side, my family is reunited to celebrate nye at my grandma house (she passed away in May) and they are all celebrating there and I feel like I will be happier there with them. However, I don’t know if I prefer that because I am compulsively avoiding the plan with my friends and feel safe or because I am truly happier with my family. I don’t want to do a compulsion, but at the moment I am so into the OCD cycle that I cannot distinguish anything anymore.

sequoiahthunder

Date posted: 1y ago

this is tough. there are so many times when i want to avoid doing something because i know it will trigger my ocd and anxiety, but i also know actively avoiding it is a compulsion. something ive found that has helped me, has been to give in to the compulsions when i need it, and be strong when i feel like can❤️ ocd is so hard, and living through the anxiety and intrusive thoughts is so brave and so resilient. however, there are days where i feel like i simply cannot carry on, where i need just an ounce of reflief. for example, this app is sometimes a compulsion for me. when im in a ocd spiral and i just need something to help me feel better, ill come on here. part of recovery and healing is recognizing that you aren't a robot and that we can only take so much. if you feel up to challenging yourself and your ocd, and you want to go to this party because it's good exposure, do so!! but if you're really struggling, and the ocd is causing panic and is just too much, then let yourself rest. either way, you are strong ❤️

jag92

Date posted: 1y ago

@sequoiahthunder I like this! I feel the same! I think recently I’ve done a lot of self reassurance and some days it’s what I need 🙈 Viii I know how you feel! The family celebration would be my choice cause it sounds so comfortable haha! But I know what you mean! I used to be a party animal but I’m not anymore I get anxious about going out in a group of girls and drinking I don’t really drink anymore cause it makes my anxiety so bad the next day but I don’t know if avoiding drinking is also becoming a compulsion 🙈🙈🙈

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@sequoiahthunder This app had become a compulsion for me too. I deleted it to try and work through my HOCD, yet here I am redownloading because I had a back door spike.

yessyess

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m single but some of the ways this theme has manifested is so similar, the “what if I fall in love with a woman when all I wanted was to marry a man my whole life?” It’s annoying and scary. I’ve been avoidant of going to places, I’ve been slowly taking my pace in going back to public. Like the person above me said, do what is best for you.

Viii

Date posted: 1y ago

Hello everyone!! Thank you very much for all the support you have given me here in the comments!! Just to update you, at the end I went to the party with my friends. I have to say that likely more friends that I know got invited and so I felt more reassured in trying, but I forced myself to go and I am happy about that. I am happy not because it was an exceptional party, but because I have been able to do this!

George R25

Date posted: 21w ago

Dating paranoia

I've just started dating this really great girl. She doesn't know about my ocd which is fine but I've noticed that a lot of my intrusive thoughts and worries about not following routines now revolve around losing her or her believing I'm a bad person. I just don't want this relationship to make me so paranoid. I also know have this where if I see a girl on my Instagram or on the Internet, I'll feel an overwhelming urge to clean myself and the device I viewed it on. This is part of a moral reaction and I also worry I'm not being loyal. I feel I should try and not follow through with these compulsions but as they now revolve around keeping my girlfriend I'm not sure. Any advice?

shopgirl

Date posted: 18w ago

Imagining the future

Does anyone else with SO-OCD struggle with imagining a future partner and checking feelings? That’s been my biggest compulsion, and now I feel like I don’t want to end up with a man someday, or that if I do I’ll feel sad or lonely. I’m also sitting here imagining being with women and I can’t tell if I like the sexual thoughts or not anymore, or if my negative reactions mean anything. My face scrunches and I feel anxious and my temperature rises. I’ve been off this app for a couple weeks but still feeling anxiety pretty steadily. I keep imagining the future and getting this feeling and voice that I’m gay and I need to come out to everyone. It’s distressing and I don’t feel like myself anymore

Sexual Orientation OCD

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7w ago

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

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I don’t know if I will be following a compulsion

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