- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Treatment has to be prioritized in you want to heal. Once you do, you’ll see so many aspects of your life improve, not just this.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 6y
Just wanted to say I’m so so sorry that you’re struggling with going back to your early past and ruminating , that’s a horrific feeling , I know that for sure ?? You should work towards accepting the possibility that those things did happen. If they did , you have to understand that you were extremely young at the time so it doesn’t make you a horrible person at all. Little kids do things like that a lot , it can be called playing doctor. It can be a part of childhood development and there’s no reason for you to feel bad about it! Nor does it tell you anything about your sexuality. Also , it’s normal to look at a picture of a younger sibling and call them cute. I’ve done it before ! This is all common with OCD , but you should accept the possibilities that fear you and tel yourself that if your fears were true , you didn’t control to feel the way you do. As for God , as a Christian , I truly don’t believe he would ever hold any of this against you. He knows it’s troubling you and he understands your pain. Always here if you need anything ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Everything you described sounds like OCD to me. And it was brave of you to share your story. They say that the flip side of every OCD theme is a value. You probably value family, innocence, religion. Your brain was set up in a way that makes it so the things you care about most can become intrusive thoughts and your reactions to them can create obsessions. But it’s not your fault and there’s nothing to feel guilty about. You deserve compassion and care. Not judgment. It doesn’t sound to me like you were abused. It sounds to me like you were so adamantly against abuse that your brain wanted to keep being sure nothing ever happened. Can you reach out to an OCD specialist? A proper diagnosis can bring you some peace of mind and treatment can bring you relief that can greatly improve your life.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you so much ? You’re so sweet!!
- Date posted
- 6y
I even struggled with my sexuality and my gender identity. There have been so many times I got scared that I may have been trans. My anxiety can really work me up it’s crazy what the brain can. Do
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t know if I may have fixated on my younger brother. I also am not sure if that’s the right word. It just sucks not having any answers ever
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah for some reason I’ve always feared getting sexual assaulted. Like I remember growing up being super paranoid and afraid of men. That always stuck with me
- Date posted
- 6y
I’ve tried but I get so busy with work and school it’s hard
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I’m reaching out for educational and self-awareness purposes, hoping to better understand something I’ve been mentally struggling with for several years. Around five years ago, I began having a deeply distressing memory involving the fear that I may have acted inappropriately toward my younger sister when I was around 13–14 years old. The details are vague, fragmented, and unclear—but ever since this thought first appeared, I’ve treated it as if it were a real event. I’ve carried immense guilt, fear, and anxiety for years, convinced that I must have done something horrible. Despite asking my sister (who remembers absolutely nothing, has never shown signs of discomfort, and has told me more than once that she would’ve spoken up if anything had happened), the doubt and guilt never went away. The memory feels real, yet there is no external confirmation, no direct recall, and no evidence beyond my own mental images and fear. I’ve also struggled with obsessive thoughts in other areas, such as health anxiety since childhood—frequent doctor visits, checking my pulse, obsessing over illness—and only recently learned about false memory OCD, which aligns with my experience. I’m not currently seeking therapy but would greatly appreciate your professional opinion from an educational perspective: Does this sound more like a real memory, or more likely a false memory created by OCD or anxiety-related mechanisms I am stuck between a normal person or a s*xual abuser
- Date posted
- 21w
Hello 😭, so uhm I’m kind of in the point of my POCD where I’m just tired. I just need to get it all out and get some sort of instruction of how to just idk live? So for me my childhood is pretty blurry. I have a few real event blended with false memory events there but other than that I’m a csa victim. And the way I tried to cope? By fetishising nyself, making CP of myself, seeing my life goal as being used, raped and a prostitue. Self destructive behaviour through talking to pedophiles and seeing my only worth as if I was sexually attractive. Which made me kind of numb to CP as a coping mechanism I guess. And heres’s where my main event of REOCD/false memory ocd comes in. I have a few events in my life when I’ve accidentally stumbled across CP ish mangas or just plan abuse and not had a big reaction. Some of them I even liked the story. And my ocd LOVES playing with it, making me truly believe I enjoy and get of from CP. I’ve also had quite a few dreams. A few days ago I had a dream about me getting triggered by something I did in the dream. Which I now can’t figure out if it actually was a dream. But also moments overall where I’ve unintentionally touched my private part while my siblings are in the room or when I found a guy 2 years younger than me pretty in 4th grade. Or a few of my only friends who turned out to be younger than me, and I had talked about sexual things (like fan fictions, my trauma ect) with them. AHSHB I absolutely hate ruminating and I’m tired so so so so so so tried 😭 idk help me? Please TT
- Date posted
- 11w
*tmi warning* I'm so worried im a P. Ive been crying daily unable to do anything else but ruminate over my real events. When i was 14 (before ocd) i was watching adult content and it was censored. The woman had similar features like hair and skin color as my niece. I remember noticing that and saying "huh i guess I'll imagine that as the adult version of my niece" and I did and after i was finished i moved on and didnt think anything was wrong. I dont know if i ever thought about that again? Its so blurry ocd keeps saying i did it again in a different time but i dont remember its too blurry and its scaring me so badly! I didnt even remember this till like literally last week and i wanted to die! Im 20 for context. When I remembered i immediately broke down in tears. I vaguely rmemeber this other thought i had of her when self pleasuring when I was 16??? I think it was a testing thought out of distress? But im not sure at all! It was extremely vague image and unrealistic i dont think I liked it but maybe i did?! Im so distressed its like i remmeber 2 versions of this particular event which is why I think its ocd false memories from there. Ive been ruminating and spiraling for almost a week. I keep crying i havent ate well at all in days ive been honestly dehydrating myself and i cannot sleep. I feel like a monster. I did the mistake of researching last night and kept comparing myself to the "criteria" of those sickos and like I felt so distressed. I also have been asking ai for hours on end everyday. I feel so distressed im literally crying rn as i write this i cant calm down i feel like this sick individual even tho I dont even like thinking of that at all i dont think I meant ill intent when i was a teen but its killing me inside. I would NEVER harm anyone nor want to or plan to, deep down i know I would never act out in those evil ways but like whats killing me is what if im attracted?! Is this a sign?! Am i one of those people?! Am i attracted to my niece bc of those 2 maybe even 3(??)thoughts years ago?! Did i mean ill intent?! Am I an actual danger?! Am I a monster??? I have so many urges to confess to my mom im so scared what this all means or could mean. I feel so alone and scared. Like legit whenever i get intrusive thoughts about gross stuff i feel disgusted and anxious and push it away. Those thoughts do not bring me pleasure whatsoever but this real event is making me doubt my own identity 😔
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond