Fear of losing memories, photos, information?

I struggle with information and memory hoarding if that’s a thing. I very excessively buy books, I save interesting bits of information I come across online, I take an excessive amount of photos and screenshots and have tons of articles and info saved in a huge Google drive. I have many journals and logs. I back up things to multiple places, I save multiple versions of files I am working on, I record long notes after meetings, Doctors appointments and phone calls. I keep photos of all sorts of keepsake and nostalgia types items. I feel like I need to constantly archive all sorts of info. It takes up so much time and I have no sense of what’s actually important to keep, so I keep most things. Has anyone experienced this as an OCD theme? I don’t see much written about this anywhere. Other than books and journals, I don’t seem to hoard any other physical objects, but I have endless collections of digital content and files of all kinds. I have a lot of anxiety around losing valuable bits of info. For example,I just got diagnosed with OCD and I have already bought around 15 books on the topic (that I really can’t afford), have watched several documentaries and took notes, saved tons of articles and made playlists of tons of videos all of that I have read or watched over and over but I never feel like I have learned enough. I am not even sure what drives this. I would love to hear any similar experiences as I feel pretty alone in dealing with this.

Username: LinholeLinhole

Date posted: 45w ago

You sound just like me, wow. I'm not sure either, but I'm just getting back into trying to be brave & take steps to find the right help for this. I back up my phone photos / videos / documents at least every few weeks to not 1, but 2 external hard drives. I have so many categorized folders, it can be quite tedious, but, of course, it HAS to be done, in my mind of course. I have more journals I've taken notes in than I can count, and I ordered another last night, even though none are full, but that's another area of some of my issues. It's definitely to an obsessive level for me, & I buy informative books as well as journals and pens that feel just right on the exact-sized lined paper to my specs. Oh, and I honestly don't have the money either - hah. (Not to mention running out of room for all my journals, binders, etc. for my note taking with everything!) I fear losing any of this data would be so devastating, I'm scared to think about it (but, of course I do, and I worry about it all the time of course). Sorry for the long response. I've never posted a comment on here until now. But I had to after reading your post. Thank you for sharing this. I do hope someone has heard of this / can offer some insight. And though I don't have the answers *yet*... I did want to tell you that you're not alone! :) we will figure this out!

Username: Ellie4 Ellie4

Date posted: 45w ago

@Linhole Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for commenting. I really thought I was alone with that, but I absolutely do all of those things you’ve mentioned. I do the same with buying journals and the paper thickness and texture has to be just right. My thing is square or dot grid paper and Japanese papers like Tomoe River paper. Some journals I never even start using because of perfectionism issues or I will start them but stop if I feel like I have messed up a page. I almost never finish a journal. I buy soooo many pens as well, looking for the perfect feel. I spend way too long researching different pens (and art supplies too) and comparing brands of journals and planners (planners are another area of obsession). I have autism and ADHD as well, so I have wondered if this is a place where an autism intense interest kind of thing has merged with OCD obsessions/compulsions for me. I guess I will have to work with a therapist to tease that apart. I start ERP today, so it will be interesting to hear how they handle this. I kind of wish we could keep in touch somehow since we have such a similar theme which seems like it might be less common than some of the others. We could compare notes…which we will both have lots of :) as we go through treatment. If you have any interest in that, let me know and I am happy to share my contact info. Thank you again for sharing your similar experiences. It really helps so much to know someone else does all of that too.

Username: LinholeLinhole

Date posted: 45w ago

@Ellie4 - Oh absolutely! Gosh, yeah, I'll open a new notebook with my new pen and just stare... I'm so afraid I'll ruin it with my writing some days that I'll just never write in it! I've tried to compromise & just skip the first page entirely and begin on the front of the next page, but I have trouble with even that sometimes. (I am the same way w/my particular paper, but I usually get the small college-ruled lined paper, even if the lines are those closely-spaced dots, so long as the distance between lines is just right to me.) I'm a lefty, so I'm extra EXTRA with the pen thing, haha I get that soooo much. I probably have a set of every type of pen ever made, but I don't even want to know if thats true, gosh. (Just please don't ever ask to see my hall closet - it looks like a mini office supply store!) I remember in high school, once I was old enough to drive, my favorite place to go was -not the mall- Office Depot! and all of my friends were so sweet & would sometimes accompany me, but after the 45min. mark, they'd remind me that we wanted to try to grab dinner, or whatnot... they were kind to me about it, so I was very lucky to have such amazing, understanding friends. Hey, I start soon too, on Sunday! This Sunday! Not sure how the app works, but I would love to compare notes haha (and yep I have a feeling we will both be filling up a notebook with plenty of strategies & notes, & hopefully even strategies we could discuss that seemed to work best for us!) - if there's a way to add a friend or start a group or something that you know of, please let me know, or we will figure something out. Trading contact info always works, too, I'd like that. I never talk about my OCD, but pretty sure much of my family & friends know to an extent - it feels nice knowing I'm not alone out there & nice to talk about it with someone who has some of the similar things that I do. (Oh, and I'm not sure about the autism personally, but I am socially awkward as can be haha, & *of course* I have a stack of maybe 6 or 7 books about autism cuz, ya know. I got diagnosed with ADHD in around 2015, who knew! But yeah, anyway!) Good luck to you, I'm rooting for you! I hope it goes well! Talk to you soon, ~ Lindsay :)

Username: Ellie4 Ellie4

Date posted: 44w ago

@Linhole Hi Lindsay, thank you so much. I am rooting for you too! Sorry for the delay in replying. I love that your friends were so supportive in highschool. I did the same thing (and still do) with office supply stores! I have to be dragged out of them. I have an embarrassing amount of pens at home, and fineliners and mild liners and, and, and…. I think I may spend more time researching and picking them than I do actually using them all! I am new to this app and I can’t figure out if there is a way to start a group on here or message someone, but if you want to email me at 444gina@gmail.com, we can figure out a place to chat and compare notes :) How did your first ERP session go? My intake session went really well I think. The Psychologist seems really nice. I think we will start talking about the actual exposures on Wednesday. It should be interesting, because I have quite a few themes to work on so I am wondering how he will work with that. Apparently autism and OCD occur a lot together, so who knows, perhaps you’re autistic as well! Thanks again for sharing your experiences. It is really helpful to see such similar experiences!

Username: Ellie4 Ellie4

Date posted: 44w ago

@Linhole I forgot to add, my name is Gina :)

Username: LinholeLinhole

Date posted: 44w ago

@Ellie4 Oh yeah, my friends were the best! *are, I should say, haha, I've held onto them since we met in middle school, & even though most have started families now, we are all still in touch & it's great! Yeah, I'm still getting the hang of the app, myself, but for sure, we can always email in the meantime! Mine is Linhole3@gmail.com for reference & if you beat me to it! It's late for me, so I'm probably off to bed shortly. My therapist seems really nice too! Sounds like we are on a similar schedule, haha, my second visit is tomorrow (Tuesday) & I've got all sorts of feelings about anticipating that, of course. I think I have several themes myself, but I guess time will tell how things go, but I believe in us! :) oh, & it wouldn't be entirely surprising to me if I had autism, but I've actually never been tested for it. I've definitely been told my whole life that I'm "one of a kind" or "never met anyone like you" haha, but I'm pretty silly, & just being myself, but anyway, I guess it's safe to say that I'm different! Anyway, take care and I'm again so glad to have seen your post & had the courage to write back! It is a nice feeling to have a friend & kindred spirit I guess you could say, and we can cheer each other on! :) have a good night & feel free to shoot me an e-mail if I don't first! Just bedtime for me now! Take care! ~ Lindsay

Username: alanaedenalanaeden

Date posted: 45w ago

I have a giant bag of flash drives/memory cards, a library of unread books, tens of thousands of photos saved, a massive digital archive of documents/etc and soooo many journals & pens. Sometimes when I save things, it’s because I’m afraid they’re going to disappear from the internet or I’ll never remember them, but saving them doesn’t help either because I rarely go sift back through my saved media lol. I have ADHD as well, and it’s rough when I hyper focus on “data collection.” 😅 Oh, and the money spent on this… It’s hard to think about. But I have my first phone call with a therapist today, and I’m hopeful. 😊

Username: Ellie4 Ellie4

Date posted: 45w ago

@blandtoast Oh wow, it’s so helpful to know I’m not the only one that does this. How did your first therapy session go?

Username: alanaedenalanaeden

Date posted: 44w ago

@Ellie4 I’m so sorry for the delay. 😅 I misspoke, I meant my first phone call! Sorry about that. Thank you for asking tho 🤗 The intake phone call was absolutely lovely and validating! But unfortunately, I found out that all specialists in my state are booked right now, so I’m on the waitlist… Trying not to be disheartened if I’m honest. 😔 How are you?

Username: MichaelOLangleyMichaelOLangley

Date posted: 45w ago

hey, i get where you're coming from with info and memory hoarding. it sounds incredibly overwhelming to be managing so much data, and feeling like you're caught in a loop without knowing what's crucial to hold onto. you're definitely not alone in this struggle, and it's brave of you to share your experience here. 📚 have you heard about "unstuck," an ai-powered therapy tool for ocd (unstuckmyocd.com/try)? it's really been a game changer for me this past month, and it might offer you some relief as well. a fellow member here pointed me in its direction, and i only wish i'd discovered it sooner!

Username: Ellie4 Ellie4

Date posted: 44w ago

@MichaelOLangley Thank you, I’ll check it out

Username: Casie David

Date posted: 3y ago

I want to open up about something I struggle with still, and maybe some of the people I comment and offer help on may in turn have ideas for me? Because we know ocd is a constant path of recovery we coast on I struggle a lot with picture-taking. I feel like any time I notice something I want to “remember”, I need to take a photo of it. And if it doesn’t look exactly like how I’m seeing it (a plant catching the sunlight, my body in the mirror), i need to continue retaking it. This is starting to get to be a problem because I’ll end up taking around 50 or more photos a day. My phone gets super cluttered, and when I can’t find a photo of something actually important/worth keeping, it’s very embarrassing. I go back and delete as many old screenshots and random photos, but until I stop doing it every day I’m basically treading water. I’m not sure if this need to remember something exactly how it was in that moment came about (I think when one of my family members passed away from dementia I got this fear of not being able to preserve things exactly so) but I figure as a community, I could reach out to some of you guys. Thanks for taking the time to read. :)

Username: briarosa

Date posted: 1y ago

Note taking/low self esteem

Hello, I’m new here. I don’t have a formal diagnosis, just sharing my experiences with my obsessive thoughts. The only compulsion I really have is note taking. I feel the need to hoard most of my thoughts and write extensive to do lists, even scolding myself in notes like “be better!” or “STOP being the way you are.” When driving or unavailable to write things down, I have to repeat the thoughts in my head so I won’t forget until I can “save” them. Does anyone else have any experience with this fear of forgetting/not living the perfect life? My notes also revolve around anything someone might causally mention, taking turmeric for example. Will I ever incorporate that into my routine? No, but I write it down just in case because otherwise I’m convinced I won‘t live a healthy, fulfilling life. This all started when I lost a relative and also my house. I wonder if those losses made me subconsciously afraid to lose more? I don’t know. On the bright side, my current medication has been helping my depression. I am able to function and get out of bed, for the most part. But when I am in class or work, I have such crippling self doubt. I don’t feel like I am capable of anything. I don’t trust myself with any tasks. It really gets me down, my thoughts just spiral and I can’t see myself being able to hold down a job that involves working with people…that leads to more note taking of how I can improve. I get such anxiety if I don’t know every little thing there is to know, necessary or not. I get so caught up in it that I can’t even do the bare minimum I DO know without messing up. Even my class notes are full of irrelevant notes from my obsessive thoughts that appear during a lesson, and a girl that sits near me laughs because of how crazy my notebook looks.

Username: SpiceyPisces

Date posted: 24w ago

Documentation

Does anyone else have the compulsion of needing to document everything? I feel this ties in with my false memory OCD. I can not go anywhere by myself let alone be by myself in any work or social setting unless I have family or close trusted friend with me to be able to let me know and “witness” any events that happen. As I feel, I won’t remember them correctly if at all. I always feel something bad will happen to me or I will personally act out bad actions and not remember or recall. I document heavily on my phone (recording, pictures) as well as have a home camera and car dash camera. I fear this is my most triggering and most difficult obsession to try and conquer.

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