I need help

Im so scared i wish my brain would send me in to derealisation, im 13 years old and my OCD honestly gives me the most disgusting thoughts I can’t take it anymore my head turns everything into a sexual thought and I can’t even look at my own mom anymore because of them they are really and honestly the most messed up thoughts I could ever think of and I’m so scared idk what to do, I’m on Prozac and going to start ERP soon but I’m still so insanely scared I have lost myself, I’m only just been diagnosed with ocd and don’t know everything abt it but just keep on panicking about everything😭😞😢

If anyone’s willing to listen, I’m having a really tough day with Rocd and really need to vent but I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone I know because they don’t understand what it feels like

I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.