- Username
- ELO
- Date posted
- 5y ago
No I think those people will be ok. The police don’t have an alarm that flashes up whenever someone types something in on google. I totally get you. I have a fear of doing it because it’s something I find so so distressing and horrible. I work with children so it’s an area that is super sensitive to me - hence why OCD latches on sometimes. My brain knows I never have or would. But OCD likes to say ‘what if....’
I understand this and have suffered with the exact same thought!! I read a lot about people searching for it to test themselves. It really made me feel bad for them because that’s such an evil compulsion for OCD to give you :( I had the fear that I’d done the same thing! But obviously I never, ever have. But my brain would say ‘what if you have done it but forgot about it or repressed it???’ So scary but there’s so many people who relate to you! You know you’d never do anything like that
I felt so bad for this person also because they were clearly suffering so much and I felt so sorry for them. But then I keep thinking and thinking, would those people have been arrested because of looking up child pornography?! because it was the ocd and not what they like/want/are etc
I always wonder that too. I once read a post from a woman who went to the police because she felt bad for typing it in. The police said she should go home and stop worrying. I think they use their common sense and know whether people are actually dangerous or not. I have never personally done it but I feel sorry for those with POCD who have. They must see such awful things, I can’t even imagine :(
Exactly what a shame! I’ve never personally done it either but then I obviously doubt that etc etc. Do you think police would arrest people for looking it up? So sad.
Been dealing with this exact strain of thought for 2 years since watching an episode of Black Mirror (those who have seen it, know it all too well) It’s really tough at times. I’m terrified I’ll look it up one day. It’s a peak and valley type ordeal. My ERP is typing it into Google without hitting search. Letting it sit there and feel that fear that I could accidentally click search One thing that does help at times too is just saying “thanks thoughts” “thanks brain for keeping me safe” “good to have you in there” Like I said. It’s up and down. Focusing on whether police would arrest me or not makes it worse - definite form of reassurance. Just need to accept that could go to jail. If it ever gets real bad, sometimes just writing the words down on paper helps relieve it too
That’s true. Well done for continuing your work, that’s an amazing achievement that you find on despite the OCD. I work with men with dementia so that is bad for my harm OCD. Thanks for your responses AB-xoxo!
Sorry to hear that you deal with this jluby1993. You’re so strong. I’ve never seen black mirror but I think that would be a trigger for me. I think it’s just the thoughts of what happened to that person who watched it and tried to pleasure themselves to it. So my ocd does make me scared that I’ll look it up as well as it’s not something I would ever ever want to do. The uncertainty of police thinking things etc about internet history is I guess something I need to sit with. However, Well done for doing ERP!
I hear ya. I’m definitely always worried the police are coming to take me away forever and I’ll ruin my entire life, marriage, family, friends Fun fun fun stuff! Sometimes need to laugh. Reading OCD help books is beneficial too
Do you think police would be understand if OCD and the themes like POCD? I’d hope so. I just can’t shake that poor person who tried to pleasure themselves over illegal content out of my head.
No clue. I wish I knew - I guess that’s why we’re on here
Very true, jluby1993
For the last three years I’ve been dealing with OCD, I’ve definitely had it all my life but up until now I was completely fine. This deals with some sensitive topics so read at your own discretion. I knew I had POCD way before, as I would just glance at a kid and my mind would conjure up the worst, most evil things imaginable. I would brush these off because I had a vague idea of what an intrusive thought was, even now I’m not sure if it’s POCD or if it’s real. I’ve dug deep into things I did as a child and in my early teens, even stuff from about a year or two ago. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore, I think I’ve become completely delusional and am lost, unsure of who I am. I could deal with the HOCD, I’ve sought professional help and have been in and out of the psych ward. I haven’t gone back because they told me they couldn’t be of much help and to do outpatient treatment, which is therapy, but even that won’t begin until two weeks later. I’m F18, a girl should not be dealing with shit like this, that’s what I’ve told myself. I couldn’t believe that I myself am a monster, I can’t cope with this…I don’t know what to do, when you’ve dug deep in your past and found things that can serve as “proof” I feel sick, disgusted, and I feel like the only way to get rid of these thoughts and to take back the things I did as a child is to just die. The second thing I wanted to post about was that I would frequent Omegle and other anonymous sites. This lasted up until a month or two months ago, I remember that I would often seek out older people than me, but during the time I was 16 I found that it was difficult to do so and decided to just talk to people my own age, my preference was to talk to people two years older than me but I remember one time I spoke to someone two years younger than me. This has raised many questions in my mind, “what if you sought someone younger and don’t remember” I do remember I’d encounter kids on there but I’d skip them, sometimes I’d warn them to get off the site because it was dangerous. I’ve been dealing with this constant “what if what if” for weeks now. I would go as far as having my phone be checked just to gain some fucking certainty about my situation, I wanted a career in art, but there’s this sense of doom following me everywhere I go and I cannot have any peace whatsoever. I don’t care about whatever happened to me, I could care even less. But what if I’ve done something I don’t remember, I’m scared to face that monster I’ve thought myself to be for so long.
It’s 4am and I’m really freaking myself out. So full disclosure…I used to watch Porn and this triggered SO OCD initially. I feel like it’s NOW jumped into POCD. In the past I used to click on vids of women performing sexual acts. (Hence the SO OCD) But now I’m freaking out that I actually finished and enjoyed myself to the vids that maybe said Teen in the title or what not. At the time I didn’t believe that those girls were actually underage because why would that be legal and distributed on Porn hub? Maybe these girls are trying to click bait a weird thing? I assumed Teen meant 18. Now I look back on it and feel gross and that I’m a predator. I would never condone anything like that in real life. I keep questioning myself like “Why the hell did I do that?” “why didn’t I click off the video?” If that person was actually 17 or younger I would freaking lose it. How could I live with myself? How could I ever be a good person?
Huge trigger warning related to porn and pedophilia. Please don't read if it makes you uncomfortable. Thank you if you get to read this long post. Something awful happened recently. I was watching porn, I won't say what page because idk if it is allowed, but it is the most famous porn page there is, so you'd think you wouldn't find something so horrifying there. The problem is that one of the automatic pop ups that appeared really terrified me because the girl looked way too young. I'm not sure if she truly was underage, but she looked it, and I can't express how horrifying it is considering if she could have been. I feel like my mind is playing games with me. I can't tell if it was paranoia or reality. My memories are really fuzzy, as I was on a state of shock when I saw it. I remember feeling scared right away and trying to look up how to report it, but the page refreshed on it's own and I never saw the pop up again. I felt so gross for seeing that, and guilty for not reporting it. It was an accident, but I can't help but think that I enjoyed it and that it is my fault for watching porn at all. I am a monster. If this had happened to someone else I wouldn't question it so much, as I know that I didn't look at it on purpose and tried to do the right thing when I saw it. But I already hate myself because years back, when I was 16, I discovered loli. Which is really wrong drawings of young characters. And since then I've been obsessed with the topic and developed pocd. I never looked for those drawings again after that, I dont enjoy them. But I've accidentally found them again on the internet and it's made me feel disgusting and evil; but at least I had the certainty that it wasn't real, until now. I think that this is recent event is further proof of the monster that I already thought I was. After what happened, I immediately contacted a therapist, but tbh, I don't think that I'll ever move on from that. Life isn't looking good right now.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond