- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
No I think those people will be ok. The police don’t have an alarm that flashes up whenever someone types something in on google. I totally get you. I have a fear of doing it because it’s something I find so so distressing and horrible. I work with children so it’s an area that is super sensitive to me - hence why OCD latches on sometimes. My brain knows I never have or would. But OCD likes to say ‘what if....’
- Date posted
- 6y
I understand this and have suffered with the exact same thought!! I read a lot about people searching for it to test themselves. It really made me feel bad for them because that’s such an evil compulsion for OCD to give you :( I had the fear that I’d done the same thing! But obviously I never, ever have. But my brain would say ‘what if you have done it but forgot about it or repressed it???’ So scary but there’s so many people who relate to you! You know you’d never do anything like that
- Date posted
- 6y
I felt so bad for this person also because they were clearly suffering so much and I felt so sorry for them. But then I keep thinking and thinking, would those people have been arrested because of looking up child pornography?! because it was the ocd and not what they like/want/are etc
- Date posted
- 6y
I always wonder that too. I once read a post from a woman who went to the police because she felt bad for typing it in. The police said she should go home and stop worrying. I think they use their common sense and know whether people are actually dangerous or not. I have never personally done it but I feel sorry for those with POCD who have. They must see such awful things, I can’t even imagine :(
- Date posted
- 6y
I hear ya. I’m definitely always worried the police are coming to take me away forever and I’ll ruin my entire life, marriage, family, friends Fun fun fun stuff! Sometimes need to laugh. Reading OCD help books is beneficial too
- Date posted
- 6y
Exactly what a shame! I’ve never personally done it either but then I obviously doubt that etc etc. Do you think police would arrest people for looking it up? So sad.
- Date posted
- 6y
Been dealing with this exact strain of thought for 2 years since watching an episode of Black Mirror (those who have seen it, know it all too well) It’s really tough at times. I’m terrified I’ll look it up one day. It’s a peak and valley type ordeal. My ERP is typing it into Google without hitting search. Letting it sit there and feel that fear that I could accidentally click search One thing that does help at times too is just saying “thanks thoughts” “thanks brain for keeping me safe” “good to have you in there” Like I said. It’s up and down. Focusing on whether police would arrest me or not makes it worse - definite form of reassurance. Just need to accept that could go to jail. If it ever gets real bad, sometimes just writing the words down on paper helps relieve it too
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s true. Well done for continuing your work, that’s an amazing achievement that you find on despite the OCD. I work with men with dementia so that is bad for my harm OCD. Thanks for your responses AB-xoxo!
- Date posted
- 6y
Sorry to hear that you deal with this jluby1993. You’re so strong. I’ve never seen black mirror but I think that would be a trigger for me. I think it’s just the thoughts of what happened to that person who watched it and tried to pleasure themselves to it. So my ocd does make me scared that I’ll look it up as well as it’s not something I would ever ever want to do. The uncertainty of police thinking things etc about internet history is I guess something I need to sit with. However, Well done for doing ERP!
- Date posted
- 6y
Do you think police would be understand if OCD and the themes like POCD? I’d hope so. I just can’t shake that poor person who tried to pleasure themselves over illegal content out of my head.
- Date posted
- 6y
No clue. I wish I knew - I guess that’s why we’re on here
- Date posted
- 6y
Very true, jluby1993
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I have this same situation replaying in my head. It has to do with porn so if your young just know this may be a little graphic. I tend to use Twitter for porn and the reason I do this is it’s a lot more direct I can type in what I want to see and it’s there I don’t have to go through unknown websites and hope not to get viruses, and to be a little more specific more amateur/ real sexual experiences come up on Twitter rather than porn pages with staged written scenes. So in my use of Twitter for this there’s been times when questionable material/ illegal material has come up and never did I save it knowing it was 100% illegal or even interact with it if I knew it was 100% illegal. I was 18 or 19 at the time of this and I started to fear that in these moments I would look at these illegal videos/ sketchy videos to long when they would pop up like for example I remember seeing a video that was 100% illegal content and I was so shocked and like confused that I looked at it for a moment and then left and then I went back to look at it again just to confirm that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing I also remember seeing videos that were in a 18+ section but sometimes the girls in the videos looked like they could be 15-17. As we all know 18 year olds can look anywhere from 15-17 or even younger these days so I would be cautious and use my context clues and what I knew when watching videos that I was suspicious about but had no proof of them being illegal aside from my thoughts and the person looking young. So with this and me worrying I got super scared and hyper aware of what I was watching and now I remember me going back on Twitter to look at content that I was intending to be 18+ but all I would think about is what if something illegal would come up what if I see it and I look for to long or what if I feel attracted and I like it. And I just remember going back to Twitter to look at legal porn but it felt like I was there so that something illegal could come up to see how I’d naturally react to it. Never did I go and type in key words or type in anything illegal in fact I remember times I would strictly put 18+ next to whatever I was searching so I could be sure everything was legal but sometimes it would feel like my hope and intention was that I would see something illegal so that I could feel that anxiety rush or just to see how I would react naturally to seeing it and I feel like this would count as me intentionally looking for it so now I feel disgusting and like I committed a crime. Sometimes I just feel like I was only looking at porn because I wanted to feel that anxiety of what if something bad comes up and how would I react. I know deep down I didn’t want to see illegal content and that I was probably just feeling that I wanted to check how id feel if it did come up but now I feel like I was intentionally looking and that my whole objective was for something questionable to come up so I can see how I react. Is this ocd or did I just make a horrible decision?
- Date posted
- 24w
TW Just saw a judge video where a girl was complaining about a mom suing her for money when her mom is her agent and gives her younger sister (at 17 years old) better work because they exploit her body and THEY SHOWED PICTURES. I saw it and was like “oh my gosh is that actually what I think it is?” Then after realizing it’s like I was too shocked to look away. What is bothersome is that I wasn’t immediately repulsed enough to turn it off and didn’t immediately do so and when the picture kept showing up it’s like I kept looking at it to make sure what I saw was actually what I saw. Also, the false memory is hitting hard because now I’m wondering if I had intrusive thoughts judging her body. Now I feel like a perv and pedo 😭 It’s like I’m anxious over not being anxious enough about the situation while actually being incredibly anxious. I don’t if that made ANY sense but someone please help. I will say my mind was already incredibly vulnerable because of burnout and other very stressful events recently. Still, I feel terrible and feel I deserve to be in jail.
- Date posted
- 23w
I’m worried about times when Child P*rn or suspicious porn videos have come up in the past. I tend to use Twitter for porn and it’s not the most moderated app out there but I was never looking for videos or pictures or anything related to that. Unfortunately stuff still has popped up and I’m just worried about if my reaction was perfect because I have intense POCD I want to say it’s nearly as severe as it can get so I just feel as if I remember times when something suspicious came up and I stayed for a moment to make sure I wasn’t attracted or maybe left and came back to be sure I was safe and didn’t like it and I’m afraid this counts as seeking out or engaging in illegal content that would get me in trouble. I’ve never once looked this stuff up and anyone who creates saves distributed or likes this stuff I believe deserves prison time for life but I’m just so worried that I didn’t react in the way I should’ve I’m 20 years old so I’m relatively young and I’m jus worried about what this means about me any one else deal with anything similar?
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