Getting through school with OCD

Hi, I am new to this community and don’t know much about OCD or if i even have it. I am a college senior going to a university that is relatively close to my home (1.5 hr) My goal was to apply to OT school at my current school because I love it there and can’t imagine myself anywhere else. I have a high gpa, many observation hours, and was told i would be a top candidate-if I passed the GRE. This school is the only school in my state that requires the GRE for OT school. Well, with the stakes being so high I was a complete wreck before the exam. It stressed me out so much that even looking at study materials made me nauseous. I did not score high enough to get into my desired program when I took it. I am retaking it next Tuesday (which i had to beg the admissions committee to let me do due to it being past a due date) and i feel the weight of my whole future on my shoulders. If I don’t get into my desired program, I will have to go to programs that are very far from home/my boyfriend of two years who I currently live with. I feel if I don’t pass, I will have to move away to a different school and I will lose my boyfriend. He is my rock and is so important to me. My other option is to stay where I am and attend the radiography program at the local community college and stay close to home and be with my boyfriend . Note: i just decided to apply to OT school this year (changed major from nursing). Do I risk my relationship/happiness for a career that i don’t even know that I will enjoy or do i keep my relationship, stay close to home, but regret not taking a huge opportunity given to me. This situation stays in my mind all day and night which is stressing me out greatly. Sorry for such a long post, I just want an unbiased view on what I should do/how to get this thought out of my head. thx for listening <3

Those of you who have overcome at least a bit, if not all, of your OCD. When you went through the CBT and ERP, did it feel like the end of the world? And how did you face the fact that your fears and uncertainties might actually come to life?

Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!