Existentialism to suicidal ideation?

Hey all, this is my first post here, and I really think I'm going through the worst theme I've ever had. For weeks I've been having never ending reaccuring thoughts about everything having to do with being a person, life in general, other peoples lives and experiences, the meaning/purpose of life, and especially ruminating on death and the fact that everyone I know will die, including myself. It's gotten to the point of dissociation, and life feels simulated and fake. I can't think about anything else and the terror that comes along with it is awful (it's almost humorous to me that I'd rather have the POCD or ROCD themes I've had before, this seems so much worse) with death being the main fear in this theme I've given into the compulsions of researching death statistics (such as how many people die in my age group per year and how, car accident/heart disease/cancer statistics) over and over again and constantly repeating them in my head over and over. Driving got scary for a little while, but funny enough driving more (exposure) made that fear manageable. It's also gotten bad with the constant fear of knowing my loved ones will pass, and obsessing over how and when it'll happen. I'm also waking up everyday telling myself it'll be the day I die, and obsessing over the fact that most no one knows their last day and how genuinely terrifying that is. I'm constantly wondering what the point of anything is, if I'm just going to die, and almost prematurely mourning the death of loved ones and the loss of my own life. I am religious, and this offers some relief, but usually just ends in my OCD dipping into some Scrupulosity (which is just ugh why now this). Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has experienced anything like this, I'm feeling pretty alone and depressed and genuinely can't see my life going back to normal or any way out of it.

Hey everyone, looking for advice! Or just to talk about this.. I have suicidal ocd and have for awhile. I go to therapy for it. I am just scared that I am depressed and actually thinking about suicide as an option. I don’t want to be thinking about that. Sometimes the thoughts feel quieter so it tricks me. Anyone else deal with this? I get thoughts like “you don’t care about life, you don’t want to be here” blah blah. It feels like it’s trying to make me think I’m depressed.

I think that basically the thought right now is a fear of being alone both physically/literally and philosophically. It feels like an excess of awareness that I am an individual, I am me and only her, always and forever. And who am I? Can I trust myself? Am I 'trapped' inside myself? Anyway, a lot of thoughts about self-worth and identity. Then I get scared of not being able to trust myself, of depending on myself to do things from the most basic like brushing my teeth to, I don't know, working and supporting myself, controlling myself, etc... and then I feel scared of going crazy because I don't think these thoughts are normal and that makes me feel even more alone, even less connected to others.