Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I’m going to the police

I can’t carry on with this feeling of doing something (rape) intoxicated, it’s gone on for months and just think I done it all, my life’s ruined

Cinnamoroll

Date posted: 1y

Please do not contact the police! This is your OCD spiraling out of control—if you feel on the brink of doing anything extreme, please contact a helpline! There should be helplines available that specialize or are trained to help guide OCD sufferers. Please do not forget that you are suffering from a mental illness. What you need is help and support, not detainment. You have already been punished enough by this cruel illness alone. Praying for you. ❤️

Jerseygal

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Cinnamoroll Such a kind and thoughtful response. I'm touched.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Cinnamoroll It’s too much the thought that I know it all etc. it’s constantly on my mind and affect my mood 24/7

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Cinnamoroll The longer it went on without telling people the more evidence I’m finding

Cinnamoroll

Date posted: 1y

@ Anonymous Remember that OCD can and will accept anything as evidence. Evidence in this case is a more convincing form of reassurance, but they both achieve the same outcome: worsening your panic. I’m sorry to hear it’s haunting you like this. ☹️ Only time can mend the mind from a flare-up. However, I can say this: Searching for evidence will feed your brain more fuel for panic, prolonging the emotions! As excruciating as it may be at first, please try to not give into the compulsion to search for evidence and/or reassurance! It will only make it worse. Right now your goal is to reframe your brain into lessening the threat, because then you will begin to see just how harmless the “threat” really is. Take care. ❤️

Cinnamoroll

Date posted: 1y

@Cinnamoroll Also, one last note: If OCD presents you with evidence, DO NOT BELIEVE IT! All “evidence” during an OCD flare up will look shockingly real and convincing but it is lying to you!

Cinnamoroll

Date posted: 1y

@Cinnamoroll For example: During a flare-up, OCD told me that my boyfriend’s EXPRESSION meant that he was cheating! In the moment it felt so REAL, like the evidence was DEFINITE. But, in retrospect (once I overcame the flare up), I could look back and see what was really going on. I was being lied to by my OCD. The expression could have meant anything, good or bad! The fact I took it as damning evidence was just an accident of my brain. You cannot trust it!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Cinnamoroll Thankyou for these comments I will try my best🙌yeah if I have got OCD it’s made me believe it all, hope your OCD journey is getting more positive and you can try and live a happy life, it’s hard I can’t accept rape or the unknown of doing it, I feel only me, the victim and people looking over me know what happened that day and they’re waiting for me to confess

struggles

Date posted: 1y

I've had the same thing going on for 2 years now, one of the first things I think about in the am and on my mind all day. Some days it's at a distance and I can focus but for the most part it has consumed every second of my day since it started. Good luck and God bless you, it gets easier hang in their, your stronger than you think you are.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@struggles Please help me, have you seen a therapist etc? I’m not diagnosed with OCD either so I’m worried it’s all true

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@struggles ?

struggles

Date posted: 1y

My mind has played all sorts of tricks on me such as that, rape, murder, pedophilia,, anything that is against my true wishes and moral code. It's by far the most disturbing thing I've ever dealt with. I have been diagnosed and have spoke with a therapist and it has helped a bit. Some days it seems to be at a distance and I almost feel like my old normal self.

struggles

Date posted: 1y

But other days are truly horrific and i don't want to be here anymore but I just keep moving forward for the loved ones in my life, the ones OCD likes to latch on to the most. It's a strange version of he'll, so may twists of emotion and strange thoughts all day, very hard to ignore but with practice well get there.

struggles

Date posted: 1y

To me it's like living through my wost nightmare everyday, and the illness is constantly trying to have me believe I'm am the absolute scum of the earth, and I kind of feel that way at times.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@struggles I totally get that, someone suggested I write a script of my night out that I think it happened but I’m scared I’m going to remember it, I also struggle a lot the way you’ve described but I’m not diagnosed that’s not helping, do you just want to confess everything?

struggles

Date posted: 1y

Constantly, always ruminating it tough

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@struggles Don’t know what else is left to do, evidence I’ve found has eventually gotten too much and my memory for me not to move on from this

struggles

Date posted: 1y

@anonymous but even after I was diagnosed and sure as can be that I've done nothing foul, relative to what these thoughts are telling me, still they come in all day everyday, it's looking like I'll be co existing with a very bothersome illness for a very long time. I truly hate it and just want what every other OCD sufferer wants, to feel like myself and normal again, it may never happen but I won't give up on the people in my life that love me. Do you believe in God or spirituality?

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@struggles I started to but this night has questioned my sexuality too, it’s made me feel terrible about everything so I was trying to get closer to god but then constantly debating my sexuality has turned me away from it, the whole rape situation has completely ruined me

struggles

Date posted: 1y

It feels that way it's a powerful illusion, but it not the end my friend, you probably don't feel like it but your just as worthy and deserving as anyone else. Try to be mindful and not engage with the OCD monster, good luck!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@struggles @struggles I done it though I just feel I remember it all but don’t know why I haven’t confessed yet, if the rapes true life is pointless for me and I wouldn’t want to carry on

struggles

Date posted: 1y

I know all about what your going through, if we did something horrible, we'd remember, and if our sexuality is being questioned and it's very uncomfortable, it's most likely OCD gay people are just that, they don't fear it.

struggles

Date posted: 1y

@anonymous trust me I know exactly how you feel, these horrible thoughts just eating at you all day everyday, just the most horrific possibilities going through the mind non stop, it creates a tremendous amount of suffering, but somehow we just carry on. Chances are you have nothing to worry about and your brain is just play a very cruel game on you.

Holly117

Date posted: 24w

Past porn use “what if’s”

I’m really struggling right now. My mind is racing and I’m panicking about the content that I watched in the past because I don’t have a way to ‘prove’ that it was safe and consensual. I stupidly caved in and googled “what happens if an accidentally saw illegal porn” and I ended up making my anxiety so much worse. What if the images I saw in the past had underage people in them? Am I going to jail? Will my ip address be tracked? My brain is making all sorts of scenarios up and they feel so real. At this point I don’t know if I’m a bad person or not, I just feel like something terrible is about to happen. Although I know I’d never intentionally look for that kind of stuff there’s still a chance that I could have seen things without realising, and I actually don’t know what to do. I’m in total panic mode

anxiousashhh

Date posted: 22w

idk

I feel like I’ll never lead a normal life again with OCD, my thoughts have begun to be convince especially about POCD. I feel like so sad and down that this will be my life forever. I’ll never get to fall in love again without intrusive thoughts. I’ll never be worth falling in love with. I can never be intimate again. I’m just done, my life is over. I can’t even look at my nephew and niece anymore without the smile fading. It feels like I’m so nasty and then my brain convinces me this is how I feel. That there’s some part of me that is a p*do and that’s it. I’m a disgusting human being for that. I just feel hopeless

str4berrycoo...

Date posted: 10w

how i deal with the "what ifs" (+18)

i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.

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