Question for fellow Christians

Christians please help if you can My mom and I got into a bad argument or fight and she went to church without me because I told her I didn’t want to go anymore and I got so angry because for months I lost my connection with God. I don’t pray anymore and my life is a mess right now especially with struggling with OCD and mental illness. So I got angry and started throwing things and saying why did God give me this life and if this is the life he gave me (of depression, sadness and anger) then I don’t want it and when I was throwing things I said f u and now I feel so horrible and filled with so much guilt I burst into tears and I asked Jesus to take me back and help me and that I was so so sorry for what I said because I didn’t mean it. I know deep down I still have faith but I feel so horrible I said f u because of what I was talking about and how I’ve been feeling spiritually. Will God forgive me? I feel like I’ve done with unforgivable sin and I can’t take it back but I will beg for Gods forgiveness forever if I have to. I’m so upset and I can’t stop crying. If anyone could help me please I would appreciate it

Any Christians can you please reply. Me and my partner have recently discovered a like for Role playing, we have always dirty talked etc, but have been finding an interest in doing something new (role play) as much as I enjoy doing this with my partner, and he does too, I’m worried what if God resents me for these acts? Surely just because you’re religious, doesn’t mean you can’t have kinks right? I believe god may think that sex is a private matter between the couple & as long as this act is shared with my person I will spend the rest of my life with, I don’t think it is bad necessarily? I know god may not think everything said or done in intimate times is “holy” or something, but I don’t want to stop doing things I love with my partner, and neither does he, but we are both religious. Just wondering if there’s any Christian’s who may give me a bit of perspective. (When me and my partner are “role playing” we are not pretending we are other people, we are still ourself, not pretending to “be someone else” just acting out different scenarios) some insight would be good, from someone who is religious themself?

This question is from a religious perspective. I know we have to be good, but we cant be all good, we have to stop sin, but we cant stop sinning fully and we are saved either way, cause its not our actions that sends us to heaven, its God's grace. So anyone who accepted Christ as their saviour its saved, he can still sin, he can still be a bad person, unkind with people, have sex before marriage, do bad things, he is still saved. This makes me angry cause i try everytime to eb a better person and sometimes i just get tired cause i get alot of temptation and i fight to not act on it and be kind person but then i get tired of it cause of many things, and i see people that accept Jesus but they still live an earthly life and enjoy their life better than I do, and they will be in heaven too. Im not saying thes shouldnt, im just talking about whats the point of all of this? If i try to be a better person i get hit by how sinful i am,i feel guilt and i want to avoid being sinful but it doesnt work, and i feel guilt repenting, and there are others who just live their life like others. I have really bad sexual temptations, i dont know if i will be able to not have sex with my girlfriend(when i will have one) im always thinking that i will fight somehow, but there are other christian who doesnt wait till marriage and nothing bad happens, they feel a little bad but they still do it, they are happy, and i will be there struggling to not sin, and maybe it will even do bad for the relationship... What's the point? I struggle with this alot, if im saved why do i have to fight so hard to not sin if im unable to be fully sinful but im still saved? It's like we know its bad to steal food from a store but they would say " you wont get fined or penalty for that but pls dont do it" you will say okay but what happens if youre starving and you dont have money? You dont get any penalty, of course you will steal instead of dying by starvation, and then you live freely... they still welcome you to the store. I know this shows how God really loves us and its beautiful, but then why try to be soo good, why try to be like Jesus if we can never be like that... and as i said many "sins" doesnt seem like its really hurted someone, like i know christian people who had sex before marriage and they still live happily. Or i heard people saying they dont feel bad or guilt having sex with random girls and they are christians... Im struggling with having thoughts that many things i do is a sin and i want to think its okay Jesus saved me, but i feel like a bad person, that i use Jesus pain to just sin...