Intrusive thoughts during seggs

Dose anyone else experience that your OCD calms down and goes to the back of your mind during- feels almost safe and unaware of it but as soon as it's over and youve calmed down all the intrusive thoughts come rushing back 10x worse? I've had really awful panic attacks because of it the past two nights and it's exhausting I haven't been with another person in over a year because of how bad it was after and not being able to explain it properly to partners "no I'm not crying because of you" "no you didn't do anything wrong" I feel insane- like I'll never be able to have a normal functioning sexual time alone or with others do to it the compulsions that come with it are exhausting it's like the need to cleanse myself of filth like I'm disgusting and horrible until there's no traces I did anything in the first place I'm just so tired dose anyone have any tips of how to work through this- or at least be able to enjoy myself without crying afterwords? I have no idea what subtype this would even entail? I'm going to go with contamination I guess ?

I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with intrusive thoughts&images. At first i had intrusive thoughts around my partner, now it’s centred around me & I can’t be around window ledges or medication due to a story I read online(it’s too triggering for me) . Sometimes I feel like I can’t leave my bed due to the thoughts being so overwhelming I just break down and want to sleep. I aren’t taking any medication or therapy yet. I worry that if I don’t give my thoughts a reaction that my thoughts are true and not OCD. I’ve had these thoughts 24/7 for 2 months.