Surrender to your thoughts

Just a quick question how did you guys who have gotten better learn to accept these thoughts and not fight them ? What tips and tricks did you guys use to truly get better.

I don't like how the internet talks about acceptance. Its always about "do not fight, hive up, accept the thoughts and feelings" but they never talk about the other side that acceptance is not giving up, letting yourself drown in the emotions and thoughts, just let the emotions do what they want to you, no you have the control to do whatever you want. And this is my problem when I want to take that control back i feel like im pushing away the feelings. Im tired of hearing "accept and allow every feeling" this can make you believe that you have to let yourself get drowned, this is not acceptance. Whenever I do it I just lost myself in the thoughts and emotions, but if I try to not lose myself then I fight and thats not acceptance... So this one now really bothers me....

So my therapist told me to start telling myself every time I have an intrusive thought just say oh there’s that thought again, and don’t try to figure it out or do mental compulsions. Well our usual tactic of “there’s that thought/feeling again” is not working at all this morning. This morning I was having really bad anxiety, it hits hardest in the morning when I am lying in bed with my son and I know the thoughts could come at any minute. Well they did, and I immediately was like no please just think of anything else. Well in pushing away the thoughts, I had this really weird feeling like I couldn’t decipher between reality and images. I was just getting flashes of images that felt so real. Even though I could physically feel my body and know I wasnt engaging in the thought or acting on it. It was like a flash of anxiety that hit and I couldn’t tell what was real and wasn’t. So of course my mind starts trying to figure that feeling out and if what I was thinking about just happened. And no matter how many times I’ve tried to say there’s that thought/feeling again, I can’t let it go. I was physically conscious and could feel my body but mentally I couldn’t. It’s so weird and hard to explain. But I’ve been doubting and second guessing that moment all morning and I’m in a bad spiral, again. 😭 it’s like every time I think I’m moving forward I get sucked back in and feel like I can’t practice my tools anymore. I don’t know what I should do 😩