How do I deal with a troll at work? I’m 30 but still work in an entry level position. He likes to get under my skin and I am too sensitized at this time to deal with it. I don’t want to get into my personal issues at work but I want him to leave me alone or at least stop busting jokes on me. Advice ?

Feeling so devastated. I need advice. I have a really great co-worker/friend that I have known for two years now. We have become great friends over time. Today, I came back to work after a two week vacation and was so excited to see all my co workers again (him being one of them). I said hello how are you etc in the way I always do and he immediately said hi! Your face looks chubby. I was taken aback because this is not how you want your face to be described. But I kind of laughed it off and said lol that’s not a compliment. He said he meant it in a good way and that we were friends so he thought I would understand. I again am still laughing and as we were talking about this, a newer co-worker came over to chat. I said to her “would you want your face to be called chubby?” And she said no that’s not nice for a girl to hear even from a friend. She then walked off to go serve a table. Keep in mind I was giggling the whole time because my co worker thought that word was a compliment. I wasn’t actually mad. I brought in that other co worker to confirm what I was saying. Kind of like a hey you see it like this too right? Type of scenario. My coworker/ friend then proceeded to essentially go off on me. He was so angry that I would embarrass him like that and say those things in front of the new coworker. I wasn’t actually mad completely shocked. I was the one who was originally insulted and I was just trying to make the situation light by talking about it and laughing and he competently got so angry at me. I said wait whoa it was just a joke and he said well it didn’t fucking feel like it and then walked away. He then proceeded to talk to my other co workers about it essentially saying “why would she say that. She made me look so bad that was so embarrassing. Etc.” He hasn’t spoken to me since. I am so hurt and anxious by this situation. I hate to be ignored and I hate conflict. I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong however. I feel awful that I made him feel embarrassed but his reaction to me was just so upsetting. He has never snapped at me before. We have never had an issue and have always been so understanding. My feeling is that he probably has a crush on this girl and felt embarrassed that he said something mean and now feels like he has no chance with her? Idk. That’s one guess. I want to apologize because I hate not talking it out and not being able to explain myself but I always end up apologizing for things that are not necessarily my fault. I just want to break the silence because it’s so uncomfortable. It’s almost a compulsion. But I am trying to stand my ground and be strong and not go into a rant about how sorry I am etc. when he was the one that made a rude comment to begin with. I would love someone’s advice on this and what I should end up doing. It’s just hurts so bad right now I have been ruminating over this all day. I can’t think of anything else.

I corrected someone’s racist comment — he whispered it, I tried to shut it down, but he kept pushing. When I disengaged and went back to work, he started swinging his phone in my face. Later, he spiraled and assumed I had told everyone what he said. He attacked me in front of everyone, shouting in part about the rscist conversstion, calling me immature & saying i shouldnt talk to him. And no one said a thing. What hurts the most is that I’ve supported all of these people when they’ve had bad days (including when they cried at work) — but now, when I’m being publicly berated, I’m left out in the cold. I was even called immature and told I should never speak to him again. Honestly, I’m angry. I feel used. I’ve given so much, and now I’m spiraling, suppressing panic attacks daily. This happened almost a month ago, and I can’t let it go. I want to leave my job so badly, but it feels foolish to leave a “good” job because of this — and yet I feel bullied and emotionally unsafe. The reality is: This is the third time he’s shouted at me. We spoke previous times, I told him dont shout at me & apologised and I forgave him — twice. I don’t shout back. As a Black woman, I’m painfully aware of how I’ll be perceived. So I just take it. So now I just don’t greet him. He doesn’t greet me either. The silence gives me peace — but deep down, I’m spiraling because no one held him accountable. People moved on like nothing happened, and it feels like they think I’m the issue. I didn’t say anything racist. I didn’t cause this. So why was I left unprotected? Especially since they claimed they agreed with my response & that his racism was wrong. I tried to confront the bigotry ocd & protect another class of people. I got berated. My sister made a good point — this is work. These people don’t have to protect me. We’re not friends. But I’m still hurt. No more lunches. No more small talk. I’m not trying to be petty, but I’ve changed my behavior. I let him leave the office first, so if he doesn’t say goodbye, it’s clear. But on the two occasions I left early, I felt guilty for not saying bye — and now I’m spiraling about that too. I feel so alone in this. Like I’m carrying the weight of this entire situation in silence. And maybe… five years in this job is too long anyway. Someone please drag me. I have no close friends, my sister & my parents are tired of discussing this. My therapist wants me to be her & confront him or be passively aggressively mean. But I'm like this man won't react. This is the third occasion & corporate.

I'm currently calming down from an anxiety attack caused by my narcissistic mom. I've been navigating the horrible job market post-graduation for 8 months now, with no luck, even in part-time jobs. So I'm stuck at home with my narc mom who is abusive emotionally and verbally, enabler dad with some anger issues, and codependent younger brother with anger issues. I'm doing the best that I can. I have had things going on for me, such as an unpaid internship and being a researcher. Both unpaid, but good experience in my field. I also got into a master's program, which I will be starting. I also choose to put the job search on my agenda every day and always know I can be better, and edit my profile. Living at home vs college is so different. If we're talking about today, for example, I was doing something. I had my first NOCD therapy session, and it went well. I had a to-do list for the day, I had a filling breakfast, I took a nap, and a shower. I wanted to bake banana bread because I've been forced to eat whatever my mom makes. After all, whenever I try to cook, I feel on edge. After all, she makes the kitchen so disorganized, and I've been too depressed to get myself to cook. Anyways, I have a full day ahead of me and I went to bake the banana bread happily. As soon as I started baking, she asked me if I had applied to the job she sent me on text. I have been greyblocking her because with narcissists, you don't give them your personal information or emotions. Also, the last time I asked for her help in job searching, she screamed at me in front of the recruiter's call that I was a liar and hopeless. So I didn't reply to her and kept baking, and she ended up calling up the recruiter for that job and asking, "Did my daughter apply to this job?" with a nasty grin on her face. It got me so good, which is why I had an anxiety attack. I rushed to her and said, "Keep my name out of your mouth and keep your mouth away from my business" in front of the recruiter, too, because I was so angry and done. She proceeded to push my buttons, which I trained myself not to give in to, but sometimes I mess up. She kept asking the recruiter if there were any other positions I'd be qualified for. She knows, after the whole yelling at me for being a loser incident, that she's not allowed to be part of my job search; I set that boundary. But she always crosses it. I couldn't handle i,t so I resorted to my habit of blasting my AirPods with loud music so I could not hear her and continue baking because I at least wanted to finish baking. I also do this every morning when I'm feeding my pets. Oh, and by the way, the most my dad did (while he saw everything) was say "omg stop". I'm so done with this family. I feel so trapped.