Growing up i never felt forgiven for anything. No one ever said “it’s okay I’m not mad at you”. As an adult I don’t know how to forgive myself for anything. I feel like a bad person for absolutely everything even my own thoughts. I don’t know how to stop telling myself that I’m the only person like this and that everyone around me is normal.
I understand, I was never taught or shown compassion, kindness or respect growing up. Its made life very hard and definitely fed into mental illness and OCD. My therapist constantly has to remind me self love" and I need to be kind to myself. I NEVER give myself a break. If its not perfect" then I cant forgive myself i cant except making mistakes or doing anything as humans do because i was never shown that. As a toddler if I accidentally spilled my milk....my mother would hit me, scream yell bloody murder as if i killed someone. She was verbally abusive constantly whenever i made a mistake no matter what it was so i never understood it was even OK" to make mistakes and have compassion towards myself which led to a very unhappy life in OCD. I understand, we have to teach ourselves i guess. Its sad we were not shown that from those who raised us😔
That absolutely makes sense why it’s hard for you to give yourself grace. Atleast you see the cause of it. Next step is to forgive yourself
I have been reading The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD by Kimberley Quinlan and I think it might be a good resource for you. She also has a podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-anxiety-toolkit-anxiety-ocd-strategies-for-everyday/id1098792502?i=1000655154289 You are not alone. I think a lot of us struggle with being too hard on ourselves, but I am learning to give myself the kindness I need.
How can I forgive myself for the mistakes I made as a teenager (maybe 15 through 18 or 19 I don’t remember exactly) when at the time I had no bad intentions I just didn’t understand what I was getting into? How can I forgive myself for being so dumb? I should of known. But unfortunately now dealing with real event and other themes trying to find “proof” it’s so exhausting and unsettling especially when the worst case scenario about my self and my past comes up literally every day and I have to fight it with “maybe, maybe not”…when will it ever go away. Do I even deserve for it to go away? No matter who I’ve told whether it was a parent or a therapist they all say the same thing…….let it go……..how am I supposed to do that. I want to do great things in life. I want to make up for all I have done wrong. I want to help people but I can’t even help myself. I hate myself. I don’t even like myself at all. I would go back in a heartbeat. But I can’t. I’m stuck in this mental hell. Will I ever be ok again…….
I was a very very damaged child and I did a lot of weird inappropriate things and I was all kinds of messed up. Uneducated, and lazy and all these things my family and friends and teachers told me. I was a troubled kid. And idk why. I really don’t. My parents did suck with the whole emotional support and I really needed a lot of it I guess. So I kept looking other places for that support. Eventually I got it from myself NOW. But still I feel so embarrassed and sad for that young me. Anyway, I feel like despite all the fucked up shit I did as a kid, I grew into such an amazing person. I’ve had my flaws and made mistakes 100% but I’ve loved and cared for others so genuinely. I think I’m a good person I really do, I make bad choices at times but I am human. But all in all, I’m GOOD. And it’s been proven so much from ppl who tell me and who hurt me and come back apologizing. I don’t mind admitting I was wrong etc. but I can’t help but feel like I’m this creep weirdo kid still? Why can’t I have peace with that 7 year old isn’t me anymore and she also just needed love. I can not forgive myself honestly & my ocd makes it 100000x worse cuz it involved real events.
i feel like a bad person. i’ve made a lot of mistakes in my relationship which my bf has forgiven me for but i can’t help but feel like a horrible person. my mind keeps going back to every mistake i’ve made an i feel the need to tell my bf every single thing. an i think stuff i don’t want to think which ik i can’t help and alot of the time idk if it’s intrusive thoughts or normal thoughts everyone does but i just can’t help feeling like my bf would hate me if he knew the rest of my mistakes he knows a majority of them we both agreed not to tell him anything else bc it doesn’t matter but idk i just feel so awful and i get panic attacks an just really bad episodes bc of the guilt of everything i honestly just want it to go away.
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