- Username
- cupcake55
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I feel the same. It is the WORST. I’ve never really experienced other OCD themes as such, however I definitely frequently feel ‘off’ if things aren’t just right, and I have always been a perfectionist. The torment is just unreal. The thoughts were present on my wedding day, although I have zero regrets about the marriage and I still maintain he is the best choice I ever made! They will pop up in holidays too. The guilt is killing me, like it is so intense that I could just cry all day. :(
Watch the YouTuber "Awaken Into Love" she is very insightful on the topic of ROCD, she helped me alot!
I can agree 1000%. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years i can tell he really cares about me and everyone else can too. Literally everyone i know has told me that i found a great guy as he treats me so well. But for some reason i just get absolutely plagued with doubts. I often think "what if i dont actually have ROCD and im just in denial that im not in love anymore." They never leave me alone. Sometimes when we hang out my anxiety just goes through the roof and other time i don't have any. I constantly nit pick at his physical features, like his skin, or teeth, or voice, or even the way he dresses sometimes and i hate it so much...i was never that superficial...then i also get those anxious thoughts telling me "you need to leave now" even though there is no real threat. I even feel guilty when i feel even a little happy when he's not around. If i feel happy at work, my brain says "see youre happy when he's not around that means youre wrong for each other" but that is complete nonsense. I know i have a right to a life outside my relationship but the anxiety is so so real
Yes i can relate so much. I know i am hurting him by constantly pushing him away then pulling him close, but i just cant seem to stop. Sometimes I feel happy when i see pictures of us but then other times they trigger me and make me anxious? I feel like my anxiety has made it impossible for me to connect with him anymore and its making me push him away which i hate, because he's the only who understands me all the time. He understands things about me that my family and best friend don't, so why do i feel the urge to run? I wish i could just set my feelings straight already!
I’ve joined her course before, I really should do it again. I just feel so bogged down by it all. I’m currently on my way home from a holiday with my husband, and I’ve definitely had some ROCD thoughts whilst we’ve been away, but I also have managed to fight them a bit and have a good time. But I occasionally reflect and I convince myself that I obviously had an awful time. It’s like I have to be 100% free of anxiety or thoughts to have a good time. I feel so much guilt about it - especially because I had thoughts on my wedding day too. I don’t even know where to start with dealing with this :(
Have you ever thought about seeking therapy? There might be an underlying issue (which is completely normal for ROCD)
Yep - have just started seeing someone new. Nobody seems to have knowledge on pure O, let alone ROCD
Same
This is so long ah I’m so sorry. I’m really just trying to get all my thoughts out/ see if anyone feels similarly/ and what they’ve found helps. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I’ve looked into it a lot and feel that I might have ROCD. (I was once diagnosed with anxiety, but didn’t keep up with therapy because my parents weren’t keen on it.) Now I really want to invest in it to get a formal diagnoses/help, and I’m going to start looking into that. I’m scared that this isn’t ROCD, and I’m truly just in the wrong relationship, or not actually in love with my partner. But then sometimes I’m certain it is? We’ve been together for a year and a couple of months, and it has been wonderful. She makes me feel so loved and so understood. She is my best friend. But this summer when we were on break from school I started getting major doubts once I’d found out about ROCD and some of my thoughts lined up with it’s description. I’d already started to have doubts before the summer. She is the first person I‘ve slept with, and it took a while for me to have an orgasm, and that made me freak out and start to question my attraction towards her/our compatibility. Every time we’d have sex I’d worry over this. (Though I also think it has to do with me not knowing what I wanted/what I liked in bed) Our sex life got better but I still had obsessive thoughts. I have them daily - “what if I don’t love her” or “what if this isn’t the right relationship” or “should I be dating someone else” When I’m with her I’m constantly checking. If we kiss, I’ll analyze how it feels (or how it doesn’t) and the same thing goes for when she compliments me or says she loves me. I’ll say I love her but something in my brain will say “but do you really?” Honestly, I’ve gotten to the point where when I think of her or am with her it makes me so anxious. I literally feel it in my stomach and chest. It’s so hard to deal with. I can’t make it stop. I think part of it is that I’m anxious that I’ll feel anxious/start to have obsessive thoughts, so I get anxious? I just want to be able to think of her and be around her and not feel so scared and anxious and always checking. I feel like my anxiety isn’t letting me truly experience my relationship.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is an absolute angel. All throughout the relationship I would have nightmares and intrusive thoughts “what if he leaves/cheats”. And he would reassure me and treat me like the world revolves around me. Lately I’m realizing this was actually ocd and not anxiety as I had previously thought. I would get paranoid if he didn’t check his messages for a couple hours, I’d get anxious if I saw an ambulance heading toward his street while I was driving, I would ask for reassurance that he loved me constantly. Bear in mind, I have no reason to have these fears. My boyfriend is my best friend and has supported me through thick and thin and he’s amazing. One time a couple months ago I was being a bit snappy with him one night and I had the thought “only people who don’t like their partners are snappy with them” and it just stuck. Now I struggle with intrusive thoughts about my own feelings, do I love him, do I miss him enough, is my relationship going to end because this couple on social media broke up. I could deal with the thoughts about his feelings because he is so so good about making me feel loved but now I’m stuck in this constant guilt loop where I question my relationship for no reason then get anxious and feel guilty for even thinking that way because I think I’m manifesting it. Was wondering if anybody else in a healthy long term relationship has had this happen to them and how you talk yourself down :(
hi so i am pretty new to discovering ocd and trying to figure out why i am feeling the way i am feeling. i’ve never been diagnosed with ocd and honestly thought my anxiety was just super bad until it started affecting the way i saw my relationship. i’ve never had this bad of anxiety in my relationship and around november of last year is whenever i started noticing the cycle of repeated thoughts of “should i break up with him?” ive been with my boyfriend for almost two years. yes we’ve been through our ups and downs and our relationship has overall been such a beautiful relationship (super healthy compared to old ones) we love each other deeply and communicate and just overall find ways to help improve our relationship healthier and i’ve had a doubt here and there throughout these years but since last November i started feeling disconnected with him a little. i started to question sometimes if i really loved him. other times i told myself and asked myself if i should break up with him. if we really loved each other. i started focusing on his features a lot more. to the point where these thoughts around him made me feel so extremely uncomfortable. i’ve done all my research trying to figure out if I love him or not and trying to find reassurance and other people stories to see if they feel the same way I would also see how I feel whenever I was around him and it got to a point where I overall just felt very disconnected with him and a lot of different forms. I sometimes will forget about these thoughts and I will go out through my week throughout my days and I won’t even think about them and then something good will happen actually and it will trigger that immediate thought or sometimes we’re not even doing anything we’re just hanging out and being together and that will trigger the thought of wanting to break up with him and it makes me extremely uncomfortable and it makes me panic gives me anxiety and it just stresses me out because I know it’s not true, but my brain has tried to fully convince myself it is. I was doing really good and I figured out how healthy I wanted this relationship to be recently and because we’ve been so stressed on talking about our relationship and moving on even further and growing together, it started coming back and now I’m very very anxious again. I also have this type of anxiety of obsessing over things such as my health. When it comes to my gut health to my skin I have a very bad habit of having perfectionism not only within, my body face and everything around what is myself. I have a lot of anxieties, and I always thought it was just very severe anxiety until when I was researching why I was doubting my love for my boyfriend I heard of ROCD and I was super curious to know if I even have OCD, I brought it up with my psychiatrist and she doesn’t think that I have any. I have so much anxiety over this I feel like it’s physically and mentally controlling my body from how much it’s overwhelming me. I don’t know what to do. I keep convincing myself it’s not even RCOD and maybe I truly don’t love him but I have no other proof or feelings that that could be true. It’s just a thought that circles in my head and no matter how many reassurance I give myself it will come back within an hour, if someone could please give some advice I will have my own therapy session here soon and I’m very excited to know how I can overcome this
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