is it okay..

Does anyone else feel like they’re OCD turns off for a couple days? Like you go through an intense period of having intrusive thoughts and feeling the need to confess and then you only start to get thoughts here and there? And you try to keep yourself from having the thoughts but you’re not sure if it’s avoidance? Like I have felt sooo much better the last couple of days, especially in the morning, I live for those times of quiet in my head. But I still haven’t been able to accept myself for the things I might have done, like I can’t accept myself still because of my OCD. This probably sounds a little jumbled but I would like to think someone can relate lol

I'm religious, so anyone else who is religious I need to know if this happens to y'all. When I read the Bible, which I want to do twice a day, I feel like I have to reread and reread stuff bc if I didn't comprehend it properly, something bad would happen, or my fears would come true. I also have intrusive thoughts that come into my head about what I'm reading and the thoughts will say something bad about the Bible or about God, and it's like I know God knows I didn't say it but I have to "undo" the thought by getting up out of my seat completely, and saying something that "undoes" it then I can sit back down and read. Sometimes I also shake my head or hit myself in the head trying to rid of the thought. And say "no, no, of course not" and stuff like that trying to undo the thought that intruded...

for the last several months, OCD has had an absolute chokehold on my career as a self employed artist. Just constant new subtypes and intrusive thoughts popping up one right after the other, all boiling down to the fear of me potentially losing my career. I'm not currently in therapy (nOCD does not take my insurance) but currently waiting to hear back from a therapist and OCD specialist while taking advice from OCD resources in the meantime. I've been doing everything I possibly can to keep my life going and working through my OCD, but it is so exhausting. I'll be working on a project and when intrusive thoughts pop into my head, I do my best to do some self ERP and tell myself the usual "well, maybe!", or "oh well!" ect, ect. but the anxiety will still linger and i will experience such extreme anxiety symptoms like sweating, dizziness, disassociation, and nausea to the point i will start gagging while I'm still trying to get my work done. It's become physically debilitating to deal with, it takes so much longer for me to finish work, and I don't even enjoy what I've created once it's done. I decided in a few weeks I'm going to take a short hiatus from my art account, so I can take a break from having to deal with the constant physical symptoms ontop of dealing with social media/algorithms which have also been frustrating me. I even plan to wipe my page so I can come back to a clean slate when I decide I'm ready to post again. But now my OCD has taken a hold of me wanting to take a step back. 'What if you don't recover when you come back?' 'What are you hiding/running from?' 'Maybe OCD is just telling you to take a break?' I am so tired lol. I don't know what the right choice is for me right now. But I do want to take a step back from work to work on my mental and physical health. So I think I'm at least going to listen to what my body and brain needs. if anyone has some advice or words of encouragement (not reassurance) pleaaase drop it here bc I'm gunna need it!!