- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you both for responding and trying to find solutions. I truly appreciate your compassion. My life has been less stressful lately, which is why I thought I could handle signing up for this series. I do feel loved in general, but OCD often convinces me that others love the person I’m “pretending” to be and not the “real” me. I think a little preparation and planning for a really thorough decompression and relaxation after is important. Today, mid-day, my panic finally broke. While I’m still in an anxious state, I’ve found the ability to function again. For now, I’m going to keep trying. I hate to back out of a challenge like this; that’s just showing my OCD that it won. I am allowing for the possibility that I may pull out of the classes later on if it doesn’t improve, but I’m going to try just a little longer, and see if I can overcome. Being brave in these situations is so hard. The mind and body make every second feel like life and death. The fight/flight response turns on and for me, it’s very hard to turn off. Again, thank you both for responding and for anyone who read. After I wrote this post originally, I felt a little better just knowing I’d shared and put my fears out into the world a little. I tend to internalize and keep everything to myself. It’s always a big step for me to ask for help, acceptance, or compassion. I’m glad I did.
- Date posted
- 6y
That sounds horrible, seems like you’ve had a series of unpredicted unfortunate negative events. Perhaps you’re too stressed out to deal with such a level of exposure at the moment. How much stress do you have in life in general right now? Do you feel supported and loved in general? Maybe you should try to do what you can to sleep and rest, and slowly get back at it again, trying to stay healthy and keeping a good foundation for treating yourself. Remember that OCD is your enemy and that this is just one skirmish in a long war. In the end OCD NEVER wins the war.
- Date posted
- 6y
Hey there, I wish you to get better soon! I agree with @ejgh, sounds like too strong an exposure. If you want to stick to these classes, maybe try preparing yourself to them? Not pushing away thoughts about how you felt during the class when it’s over, but trying to sit with discomfort when you’re safely home?
- Date posted
- 6y
And I’ve just remembered how I used to be triggered at mo yoga classes too. It was the worst. So I know it’s hard.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
- Date posted
- 20w
Finally slept well today! Which is nice. Regardless, I feel like it has destroyed who I am. Its been over a year and a half, and I keep overthinking and questioning my identity and I can’t let it go to the point where I feel that my future is certain, even though I’ve liked myself the entire time and had a pretty stable idea of who I was. My mind has gathered enough proof. I love being a woman, and I don’t want a different body. I wasn’t born in the wrong body. I am obsessing over my voice, which needs no changes, and my chest. After speaking to a friend of a friend, I’m afraid I’ll want a sex change when I finally have a partner. I’m terrified. I don’t know if anyone can relate. I don’t know how to get over this and my first ERP session is in about a week. How do I even go about this? I feel like a monster to my own family.
- Date posted
- 9w
I don't usually post on here because it could end up becoming a compulsion or could be seen as reassurance seeking but I think I just need a place to vent and to also get some encouragement and peer support. I am really struggling with my intrusive thoughts and feelings today. All of it feels extremely real and convincing. Right now, I feel thoroughly convinced that I have already identified as either a lesbian or bisexual. I have been diagnosed with OCD by both a psychiatrist and a psychologist years ago and I still feel convinced that it isn't OCD. I keep feeling as if I am just using OCD as a cover-up / as an excuse to deny my “actual” sexual orientation / to hide the “fact that I'm actually lesbian / bisexual”. I have been practicing ERP whenever my schedule allows but it's tough... ERP typically works for me but on days like today, it doesn't seem to be working and that makes me doubt if I have OCD or not. At the same time, I am also convinced that ERP isn't working and I am secretly in denial / struggle with comphet / have internalised homophobia (which makes it worse because my family is homophobic and most of my intrusive thoughts have been targeting that / using that as evidence). Feeling really scared and hopeless... 😞
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond