- Date posted
- 43w ago
pocd intrusive images
Am I the only one who gets truly terrible and graphic intrusive images? They're too much.
Am I the only one who gets truly terrible and graphic intrusive images? They're too much.
Me and a lot of other people with pure ocd obsession have dark I intrusive thoughts and have graphic images of doing the intrusive thoughts. My are of hurting my family or myself and see I fast graphic images of me killing and it used to scare me. I have been working on my ocd , I am slowly getting better. I recommend looking up exposure response and what are compulsions and how not to do them. Ocd is hard and I hate the image they creep me out . Stay strong you can heal from ocd.
One of my biggest fears is that Im the only one who has had these particular intrusive thoughts. They are disgusting and make me feel so guilty. I feel as if I need to hear that others have the same thoughts for me to forgive myself
I get this too, whenever I see a child (real or fictional) i get horrible intrusive thoughts and images.
when those intrusive images happen, I think, "intrusive images can't be that bad, so I must be a ****."
@Nameless000 Intrusive images can be ANYTHING that you’re afraid of. OCD is just a bully who likes to see you upset.
@regretfulrain But why does it have to be so graphic. it feels very real. i can't tolerate it. Even though it might not be my fault I feel guilty anyway for seeing such disgusting things in my head.
@Nameless000 It’s that graphic because you are afraid of it. The more you learn distress tolerance and exposures the easier it will become.
I do and I hate them
Nope, that’s POCD in a nutshell. You need to let them be without reacting to them and go about your day.
but that's impossible. Because ocd is quite literally forcing my brain to reproduce illegal things without my consent and forcing me to see it, be a spectator of it. I feel complicit. You can't not freak out. If a bad person showed you something illegal you would freak out. And that scenario already happened to me and it traumatized me till this day.
@Nameless000 It’s definitely not impossible as thousands of people with OCD do it daily, all the time. Thoughts aren’t illegal. If you went to a police station and told them l, “Here’s a list of my intrusive thoughts” they will ask you if you’ve physically broken a law, and when you say no, then they will ask you to leave because you don’t break any law. You need to speak to your OCD therapist about this. You constantly seeking reassurance and reacting to your OCD is what’s making it worse. You have had many people say this same thing to you on here, not just me.
POCD has been the worst thing I've ever been through. I feel like I have always sort of experienced it but not to the degree I do now. I used to plan being a mother to a beautiful family. Now I don't know if I'll ever have children at the risk of having a girl. I used to have intrusive thoughts that would make me feel weird but I could just move on from them. That was until I had to babysit my niece and change her diaper. I want to throw up thinking about it. I got a horribly strong groinal response and I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand why it was happening. It bothered me all day that day and later on I did the disgusting deed of testing myself. I regret it everyday. It's a horrible compulsion and it haunts me. I tested if I was getting off to the thought of her. And of course there was stimulation because of the groinal response. But I hated doing it. I just felt like I had to be sure. After that and since then I haven't wanted to be around her. I stopped planning being a mother, I stopped watching cute baby videos like I used to enjoy because they trigger disgusting intrusive thoughts. After a while I stopped being intimate with my boyfriend and haven't done anything with for months because the thoughts take over and make me feel like I may enjoy the deed more if I was thinking of children. I worry that maybe I do enjoy these thoughts and I'm just denying it. I wish I could be sure. I feel so disgusting and ugly, I've never hated myself this much. It takes over most of my days. I wish I had never changed her diaper. Some times in moments of clarity I am so sure that I'm not a predator, but when I am vulnerable OCD sneaks back in and tells me I enjoy my thoughts and that I should think them. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I have to test. I wish I could stop. It ruins my entire week. I feel like a monster. I want to love my life again. I miss life before this. I feel so hopeless most of the time and I can't imagine a way out. I'm scared to start therapy because what if I found out I am a monster? I can't live like that. I won't. I want to cry and scream. Am I alone in this?
My intrusive images were an absolute nightmare back in April. I honestly don’t even know how it got better, I had written a letter to God begging for help. Well recently idk if it’s because I’ve been stressed a lot again and ruminating on a lot of pocd related things from the past the make me worry, but the images have started again and even though they are repulsive and awful, I feel like I’m not reacting how I should. I think I just got to where I would just try to like blink it away and ignore it, but I feel so bad if I’m not feeling absolute shame and guilt. I feel like I feel too normal and sometimes I forget that if anyone knew besides people on here, I can’t imagine what people would think, but I also know it’s not who I am so I feel like I don’t worry as much as I should. Also, I can’t stop worrying about fanfiction I read when I was like 16 and 17. It really bothers me because I keep wondering did I imagine this one character my age? Why did I read this? Did I even know what aging up was then, and even if I did it’s wrong and gross anyway but if I didn’t age this character up then that’s awful. And i just can’t let go but I think it’s triggering me to have the images so idk what to do.
I feel like one of the worst things about ocd are the disturbing images or the ‘little movies’ that replay in your head over and over again. I have the worst sexual images with one of my family members that actually so bad that I can’t even look in the mirror. And it’s even worse that I have a lovely boyfriend and I’m so disgusted of myself that I feel like I don’t deserve him and I feel like I can’t be with him because of these thoughts, even he is the most precious thing in my life. These sexual images are so horrible and what makes it even worse that in these pictures I always see myself as someone who enjoys it. I know how to deal with this anymore. My mind is trying to convince me that that I actually like these images and thoughts and this is the hardest part, that I’m doubting myself. These images pop up in my head so naturally that I always question myself if I actually don’t like it why it comes so naturally or how can my brain picture things like this if I don’t like it. It’s getting worse day by day. It’s in my head 24/7, can’t concentrate on anything else, I can’t eat because I’m constantly throwing up. And my mom has to sleep with me every night because I’m so disturbed by my own mind. My parents know that there’s something wrong with me, they think I’m depressed but sadly It’s not something I can talk openly about with them. I’m seeing a therapist next week but I’m genuinely scared to open up about these thoughts that I’m having.
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