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Hi!! My names Calista R. Woodbury-Rabon. I recently got married in March of this year. And have been struggling with my severe anxiety disorder since I left my toxic 3 year relationship about a year ago. Over the past several months, I have noticed that I go through phases where: I have a full body “anxiety attack”. Or at least that’s what I call it. For example : when we went to cookout and they told us they were out of the chili for walking tacos. I had a full blown anxiety attack or at least what I thought was an anxiety attack and starting hyperventilating and crying. Therefore, the only solution (in my mind) was that I wouldn’t be able to calm down until I had the walking tacos. Another example : My husband bought me a pajama set that was only recently put out because it was a patriotic item which means that after the summer it’d be gone… I ended up picking up the wrong size. So that night when I went to put on the Pajamas and realized they were too small I started hyperventilating and crying. All because these $17 pajamas did not fit me and it was no fault of my own. Whenever this happens, I usually end up spiraling and crying and saying a lot at once very quickly. And I usually look crazy and don’t make a lot of sense. Usually after the spiraling is over with I’m very exhausted and usually will cry myself to sleep. My husband more often than not will say stuff like “it’s not that big of a deal you can get something else.” << when it has to do with food etc. OR “we can just buy another set of pjamas the next time I get paid.” << in relation to the pajamas in this instance. But honestly no matter what him or anyone else tells me in that moment. All that matters is that I can feel the anxiety in my bones. And I can’t breathe and in that moment my world as I know it has ended. I’ve tried taking online free “quizzes” to find out if I acctually have OCD and they’ve been negative. I also did some research and learned that you can have all the symptoms for a OCD “flare-up” but present no active case of OCD or symptoms. So I guess what I’m trying to find out is if I don’t have “OCD” than Is this out of body experience caused from my “severe anxiety disorder” diagnosis ? Or just anxiety in general?? Thank you for taking the time to read this even if you also aren’t sure!! Means a lot to me..❤️‍🩹

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

I’ve been triggered so bad this week I’ve had bad anxiety and feel depression coming on. Last night I had a thought oh let’s plan it and I immediately thought why would I think that and started crying bad. I’ve had these thoughts for 7 months I really don’t know why I’m having these thoughts, if I knew I would work on it. Like people say has something happened in your life for you to have these thoughts and nothing has happened, it all started off from what if thoughts , like “what if I’m a psycho” because I saw this fb post saying introverts are more likely to become psychopaths and it all spiralled from there I started getting thoughts about harm towards others and myself. What do you think guys should I treat it like ocd or do you think there’s something seriously wrong with me.