Help please

This is my first post and I wanted to post because my ocd feels like something that will always control my life and nobody truly understands because no one in my life experiences this. I’m hoping to maybe find a community who can relate. I’ve always had an intense fear of death. The fear is of my own death and my loved ones. I’ve had 2 debilitating episodes of this and the most recent episode being a month ago. The first one lasted about 3 months of constant intrusive thoughts about death and the meaning of life. I also feel as if I’m not real and the world around me isn’t real. It’s almost like I’m completely gone and I can think of nothing else. I would sleep to escape it. Nothing has purpose or meaning. I even question happiness of others. I question why anyone would be happy if they’re gonna die eventually and why aren’t they thinking about it?? I know it’s ridiculous when I come out of it. But to be honest the thoughts never fully go away. They pop up every once in awhile when I’m in a good state with my ocd, and almost everyday when I’m in a bad state. The severe episodes I’ve noticed have happened when I’m in a period of high stress in life. For example I’m moving in with my boyfriend next week. All that my therapist has told me is to work on my grounding techniques but it’s hard to explain to anyone who’s not experienced it that grounding doesn’t help when I’m in that headspace. It seems like when I get there I just have to wait it out and eventually it’ll pass but not fully. Does anyone have anything that’s helped them?

Yall these panic attacks are getting FOUL. please give some good advice. The ocd brain in me be telling me I’m dying and bout to head to the Gates of Heaven. Helpppp

Anyone else have the fear of blacking out/having a psychotic break and harming others or myself/having no control of your body? Any tips on how to deal with this or anyone who’s recovered from this? It’s probably been my worst yet - the fear of having no control over my body or my actions.