Obsessions about bfs morals

@Opalbaby Have you found a way to cope with it?

@Opalbaby It’s so hard for me to learn this because my ocd would keep prodding at me like “but what if this opinion he has makes him a bad person” “what if people will think he’s a bad person” does teaching yourself that help??? And do you mean “what is said in your relationship” do you mean like what jokes for example as long as it’s between you two?

@Opalbaby Did you think you would never get out of it and have a hard time accepting that your partner can even have a complete opposite opinion to you? Like my ocd is SO SO convincing every time I tell myself positive things my ocd drags me back down into the pit of rumination

@Opalbaby I need to realise all of these “perfect” relationships online probably don’t agree with everything behind the camera and they might have different morals/opinions that they might not 100% like about eachother but do they just accept that because it’s something in most relationships?

@Opalbaby I’m so easy influenced (idk if that’s the right word) by people on the internet I genuinely can’t form my own opinion anymore like I have fear of perception of others. I worry what people will think of me or my partner and the whole “if people found out you support that they’d cancel you!” Kind of worry. Like I feel like I have to agree with everyone on the internet and be an angel and so does my bf, however I do think I have good views and respect for others, so my ocd focuses on my partner who is a lot less sensitive and has a more “idgaf” attitude

@Opalbaby I think my ocd is latching onto and nitpicking everything to try find “dealbreakers” when actually my ocd blows stuff out of proportion a lot, have you had this?

@Opalbaby I do speak to my mum about things, and I’ve mentioned this to her and she thinks my ocd is blowing it out of proportion. Like he can have different opinions to me, I just can’t get out of this cycle of my ocd trying to show me all of the bad things about him and I’m forgetting the good

For example if he makes one of those jokes - it can be even something super light - I'll start being in my head about whether he's the right person for me, saying to myself like the right person for me wouldn't say this. It's really hard to detach, like I get triggered so easily. For example today I was on the metro going to meet him and I got emotional thinking of marrying him and how happy I am with him, then we meet up and he said something slightly off - not a joke but a stupid thing - and I was completely out for hours just ruminating etc

@Lollipop 🍭 Omg this is me! I’m triggered by things said on the internet a lot like he will make a small silly woman in the kitchen type joke and my mind will start going OMG HES MISOGYNISTIC!!! When actually he isn’t and my brain thinks that because of lots of people on the internet saying things

@Lollipop 🍭 When he says something does it like completely smack you out of having those nice thoughts? Like as soon as my boyfriend says something like for example a certain word, like bitch (only because OTHER people have said it’s not good if a guy uses it ), I will get so triggered and my mood is ruined and it’s all I can think about :(

@Lollipop 🍭 If you could could you give an example of the sort of stuff that’s said that would make you start ruminating? Like are they similar to mine

@Rexumii 100% happens the same to me. We talked about it a lot cause at the beginning of the relationship I was getting triggered way more if he didn't agree with me completely on some ethical stuff. For example he would never disrespect anyone or have issues with anyone, but he does struggle to be as open about transgender people as I am. It's still an issue for me but we had so many convos about this, and I know he's not a bad person it's just some things are not always 100% need to be understood. Trust me, social media has fuckedus up a lot. Especially tiktok has only content like "if he doesn't this, he doesn't love you" " if he says this, he's not for you" etc

@Lollipop 🍭 But generally yes, as soon as I'm triggered I forget every good thing about us. For example one day we had breakfast outside, all good, in the evening we didn't do the plan we decided on and i started saying how we never do anything together - literally my brain had forgotten about that morning and how nice it was

@Lollipop 🍭 Yes! Like I am a very strong ally and care about how a lot of people would feel, my boyfriend does support lgbtq but DEFINITELY not as strong as me, like he has the mindset of “I don’t really care what you are as long as your not shoving it in my face”. He also said something about companies supporting pride month but not showing any support for men’s mental health month (both June) and he said that he thinks support should be equally shown for men’s mental health awareness like ASWELL as pride month and I somewhat agree that companies should show support for both. So even though he can make some jokes others would find out of pocket or offensive, he doesn’t mind what people identify as and will respect them as long as they respect him

@Lollipop 🍭 Those tiktoks fuck me up so badly like genuinely send me into ruminating for weeks and it’s so exhausting

@Rexumii Yes my situation is very similar. And tbh I deleted tiktok so many times from my phone because it was triggering me to a crazy level. My bf had a rough period financially and all I had was tiktoks saying if he's not providing leave him etc (you know which ones I'm talking about) and it's so tiring. At first I've tried a few times to keep tiktok cause I was like no I have to face my triggers. But tbh I've come to the conclusión that even if I learn a lot of great things there, it triggers me constantly and I don't even know whats right and wrong for me anymore. Now I only have it on my ipad and scroll there occasionally, it has eased these thoughts a bit for sure

@Lollipop 🍭 Heavy on the not knowing what is right or wrong anymore. Like you can see a post “if he doesn’t buy you stuff it’s a red flag” then also “if he buys you too much it’s a red flag” like wtf are we supposed to believe😭

@Lollipop 🍭 I think you can put a limit on on TikTok I’ve tried it, but it’s kinda useless cause you can type 1234 to get straight back onto TikTok lol

@Rexumii Ye I had that 1234 thing lol and its actually pretty annoying because there's so much good content on tiktok. I'm just not the strong soldier for the triggers though 😭😭

@Lollipop 🍭 They should make it so you can enter your own code and id make a family member make the code so i cant go back on lol

@Lollipop 🍭 Sorry this is a random late reply LOL but what do you mean struggle to be as open about transgender people as you? what is his view and what is yours?

@Puddingpigeon God I related to this whole convo