Anyone here a Christian and dealing with ROCD? I’m in a really great relationship with my boyfriend who is a Christian like myself. We both have our own solid relationship with God. However, every time I pray specifically about my relationship (and have for 4 years) I feel like God gives me affirmations or feelings soon after that conclude with my boyfriend just not being the person God has for me and I know God loves me and wants the best for me no matter what. Every time I pray about this, the ROCD comes in, like, “God has more for you”, “God has someone better for you”, “Am I disobeying and disappointing God if I stay in this relationship?” “Am I missing out on someone more fulfilling that God may have for me?” You get the point. After that part of the process, I beat myself up in guilt both for my boyfriend and thinking that I’m not listening to what God wants for me and I’m just holding onto something that’s good but I could have better. Then I just stop praying about that question and feel like I avoid God. And lastly, inevitably, I feel numb around my boyfriend because I’m exhausted from the whole process and I live in a feeling of settlement even though I do love him. My boyfriend believes that God has put me in his life and that God has grown him so much in part for me and because of our relationship. He is amazing, and I agree slightly, but that just leads me to more questions. Why don’t I feel that was too or why don’t I feel love for him the way I should If God out us together? Sorry if this triggers anyone. I have just been dealing with this for 4 years and have never actually typed it out this way. Any comments, advice or anything is welcome

Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.

I have been constantly ruminating about if God wants me to be with my boyfriend. I am so hyper fixated on Gods will for my life that I often overthink every move. I have constant “what if” thoughts or “if God wanted him in your life you wouldn’t be having these thoughts”. I can’t differentiate Gods voice with my thoughts. What if this is God speaking? I also keep seeing TikToks that say if God wanted this person in your life they wouldn’t do blah blah blah. I am just not sure what to think anymore. I want to be with my boyfriend and he wants to be with me. However, as of lately we have been having some issues because we show our love differently. Then I see these TikToks saying that the right person will love you the way you need to be loved naturally, nothing will ever need to be forced, rhat I’m forcing a rib into the wrong man, etc. and then I’m like is this God talking through these videos saying I shouldn’t be with my boyfriend? I am not sure what to think. I just feel like my mind is in a constant spiral and I get so confused.

Hi. I’m writing this because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long, and I feel like I’m losing myself more and more every day. I’m 18 years old, and I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years with someone who truly loves me( i have these thoughts and bad feelings since month 4 in the relationship) He’s kind, patient, and he really cares. But for a long time now… I’ve been stuck in this horrible cycle of fear, doubt, and emotional numbness. It started slowly — little intrusive thoughts like: • “Do I really love him?” • “What if I’m lying to him?” • “What if I never truly loved him, and I’m just realizing it now?” • “What if I’m wasting my youth in the wrong relationship?” And now? These thoughts feel louder than anything else. I don’t feel love anymore — not clearly. Sometimes I even feel repulsed or irritated. I hate admitting that, because I feel like a horrible person. He hasn’t done anything wrong — in fact, he just wants me to be happy and close again. But I feel like I’ve lost all my feelings, my sexual desire, my clarity, and my connection. It feels like my chest is heavy all the time. Every day I obsess: “Am I in denial?” “Is this ROCD, or is it just the truth?” “Should I break up? Should I stay?” “Am I wasting both our lives by not ending it?” “Why can’t I feel anything? Why can’t I be normal again?” I feel so guilty because I’m not treating him with love anymore. Sometimes I’m rude, cold, distant — and it kills me, because that’s not the kind of partner I want to be. I’m scared I’m ruining him and myself. What makes it worse is that I remember how things used to be — how safe I felt, how excited I was, how much I wanted him. But now, those memories feel so distant, like they happened to someone else. I feel disconnected from who I used to be, from him, and from myself. I keep thinking, “You’re only 18, you should be enjoying life, not crying every day over this.” I feel like I’m wasting my youth, my joy, my energy — but at the same time, I can’t leave. Because a part of me still wants to be with him. A part of me wants to want him again. But right now, I just feel broken and terrified and unsure of who I even am anymore. I’ve tried to talk to people close to me, but most don’t understand. Some get angry or say I’m overthinking. Others say “maybe it’s just not meant to be.” But it doesn’t feel that simple. Because if I didn’t care… I wouldn’t be this afraid. If I didn’t love him at all… I wouldn’t be this devastated by the idea of losing him. But what do you do when you want to love, and you can’t feel it? When your brain is screaming “THIS ISN’T RIGHT!” and your heart is too quiet to answer? Please… if anyone has been through this — if anyone has healed or has advice — I need to hear it. I want to be a kind partner again. I want to feel safe and clear again. I want to stop this spiral that’s been eating me alive. What helped you? What did you do when it felt so real and so final? How did you get through the days when all you felt was guilt and doubt and dread? Thank you for reading this. Even writing it helps me breathe a little. Please, if you’ve felt this way before… tell me how you kept going. 💔