- Date posted
- 1y
Volume
Why is the volume of rumination so loud some days while others not so much?
Why is the volume of rumination so loud some days while others not so much?
I know how you feel, when anxiety is high rumination feels so high too. I always feel like when my brain tells me something is dirty or contaminated I feel it is then I get a really uncomfortable feeling everywhere.
I completely understand how you're feeling, sometimes I will just wake up with an anxious feeling and I know it will be high ruminating day.
@Anonymous Yes! It’s like the thoughts are making up for lost time during sleep.
That’s a great question! Stay curious and figure it out. That’s what I’ve been doing. It’s definitely worse for me at night. If my mood has been kind of low, I’m more susceptible. If I haven’t gotten enough sleep. Certain things trigger me…I’m figuring them out. That has been really helpful…to know what brought on the rumination.
@JediMJ I struggle to identify my triggers, definitely important work
@Stein Yes, me too! My rumination was so automatic I didn’t think there were triggers. But I stop myself now, in the middle of my rumination*, and ask—How did you get here? What happened? What were you feeling? And if I can identify it and accept the uncertainty and allow myself to feel the sadness or loneliness or whatever, then I can refocus/practice grounding techniques and move on. *Well, not always. Sometimes I’m just so distressed that I’m stuck. But, I’m working on it.
I’ve been tracking my feelings on this free app, to help me figure things out. It’s been an interesting experiment. You might check it out… https://howwefeel.org/ Hoping things get easier for all of us. 🙂
I find that the intrusive thoughts that hurt me the most are the quiet ones. The ones that, at a glance, can be hard to differentiate from your own thoughts. The louder thoughts are easy to diffuse, to say "maybe, maybe not" to but the quiet ones leave me ruminating for hours trying to figure out if they're mine or OCD's. They leave me feeling disconnected from those around me and even from myself. I can go from happily thinking about marrying my boyfriend in the future to feeling like I have never actually loved him in a matter of minutes all because a thought was a whisper rather than a scream. This is my first post and I'm not sure what I'm looking for in making it. Advice? To know I'm not alone? I guess if there's anything you feel the need to share I'd love to hear it.
Here is what I say to people: I wish I could make it stop. I really do. I also wish I could stop tinnitus. What is tinnitus, you may ask? Well, have you ever gone to a loud concert and after it had a ringing in your ears. Or, in movies when a loud explosion hears, first it is often muffled, and then there is a very loud ringing sound. Well, I have hear that sound for over 30 years. Turns out the medications I took as a kid for allergies and all the antibiotics I was on for Strep had a side effect for some people - tinnitus - that sound that I have heard every decade, year, month, day, hour, and second, for the past 30 years. I have learned to live with it. As I type this, it is REALLY loud, because I am paying attention to it. But, in a few minutes it will fade into the background, and, while I will hear it, I will not pay much attention to it, and therefore I will go on with my night. I will listen to music, practice my story for the MOTH radio hour, and work out. I will clean up the kitchen and load the dishwasher, and I will eventually get ready for bed. I will go to bed hearing that sound, and fall asleep for a few hours until tomorrow morning when I start the day all over again. I cannot make the sound stop. There is nothing to do for it - no surgery or medication. Just learning to live with it, and that is what I have done. It is the thing that I hate the most in my life, and, if granted three wishes, it would be the first thing to change. For now, as I have for 30 years, I will live with it, and I will ask you to live with your noises in your head - the thoughts, the images, and the urges, and we will practice together accepting that things are not always as we want them, but we can handle that. We got this.
Anyone else just have days where they feel more calm and don’t have as many intrusive thoughts? But then later at night time it just comes back so you only had relief even for a little bit 😞😞 I feel like even when I’m not having my OCD send me intrusive thoughts, I always have a feeling in my stomach that something is wrong/off or a sense of doom. I always just feel on edge and anxious as if my mind is always preparing itself for the next horrifying intrusive thought to torment me with ugh 🫠
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