Pocd

Recently I have been getting very terrible thoughts and groinal responses that feel like arousal. This is worse usually if I am tired or am just waking up. I could barely sleep. When these pocd things happen especially when im half asleep it feels as if my brain is letting the thoughts come and it feels like my body likes it (with the groinal response) I end up hitting myself in the head to make it go away. This is one of my compulsions. I hate ocd. Sometimes I just want to say im a p and a bad person to just get it over with. I feel like I’m hiding behind an ocd mask. I hate this. I want to cry but I can’t.

Username: Kat_GriffithKat_Griffith

Date posted: 25w ago

I worked with kids for a high school co-op and I understand you, I realized tho that no matter if I’m around them the thoughts still came on but I never did anything and that makes you stronger for it. If you feel really unstable then I don’t suggest this but if you think you can you should try to hang around some younger I know you might have thoughts around them but it’ll confirm that you won’t act on them and it’s a step :)

Username: dee012dee012

Date posted: 25w ago

@Kat_Griffith I am usually fine around kids, I think? Obviously my ocd acts up, but it’s tolerable. I’m just so scared im going to hurt a kid. Like wtf is this fear??? I never have so what is this fear like honestly it frustrates me and makes no sense. After im done hanging out wherever I was at that had kids around, I end up feeling defeated, as if I didn’t doing anything good because I was “controlling my urges” and not because im actually not a p(not saying this is true it’s just what it feels like and what ocd tells me also:( )It’s like I can never win. Always my brain fighting with me.

Username: Do no harmDo no harm

Date posted: 25w ago

I totally understand, and have a similar fear + compulsion pairing with the head-hitting and the rumination about fearing my body is “responding” to being around or looking at children. Aside from the fact that like you and other Pocd sufferers I have never and would never harm a child, the thoughts still come. I hate it so much! Still obviously working through it. My career involves working with kids too. The thing that has been helping me the most is to remember that the ocd is only showing up like this because of how highly I value keeping children safe. That’s all it is - it comes for what we value most. I hope this helps in any way! We got this ❤️‍🩹💗💪🏼

Username: dee012dee012

Date posted: 25w ago

@Do no harm But ive never been one to like kids anyways, i mean obviously i think babies are adorable but for the most part i just think kids are kinda annoying but they are tolerable. I use to want to be a mom. I’ve never had strong feelings of wanting to protect children, obviously it’s something i value but it’s not something that’s top of the list, for example being a kids doctor or something. So im scared that me not actively highly valuing that stuff makes me easier to be a p. I don’t know if that makes sense. I just feel like since im not like a child’s activist 24/7 that makes me more likely to harm a child :(

Username: Do no harmDo no harm

Date posted: 25w ago

@co140 I understand! I don’t think you have to be a child activist or neonatal nurse or anything like that to still not be a p. I bet in ERP therapy you and your therapist will be able to figure out what’s behind the fear. It’s clearly something that’s very disturbing to you whether or not you’re a kid lover!

Username: dee012

Date posted: 37w ago

pocd

everytime I see a kid or anything about a kid is mentioned then boom here come groinal responses that feel like genuine arousal and a whole bunch of thoughts telling me im a p. I genuine feel like I am one. I feel like this isn’t ocd. My anxiety has gone down tremendously so it seems as if im only ASHAMED of this. Which p’s can be also. I just want peace. I don’t want to be a p. Even my brain is like “just do it so u can have the label permanently “ like no I don’t want to do that but this all feels so real:( I hate the groinal responses they won’t go away

Username: dee012

Date posted: 36w ago

pocd

constant groinals and intrusive thoughts. the groinal responses are so bad and strong i feel the urge to m-sturbate to make it go away. the groinals literally don’t go away and get worse unless I do that. I hate my life i feel so gross and i want to not be here anymore

Username: dee012

Date posted: 36w ago

pocd compulsion

Nsfw tw// a compulsion I struggle with is m-sturbation. when the groinal responses and thoughts get to bad I do that to gain some sense of relief. but sometimes I end up agreeing with the thoughts or think bad stuff while doing it just to “give in” and also “test myself” and finish so i can find some relief. but IMMEDIATELY afterwards is a sense of shame and regret of wtf did I just do? i guess doing this gives me a sense of control over whatever this is so i try to agree with it but the compulsion is so gross and so is the theme so why would i ever find relief. i honestly believe im a p in denial. my pocd has been acting up non stop for almost 2 and a half months. I feel like im going to cry

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