Not surprised

I dont want my relapse to stop me to assist, I will go but I am sad because I don't want a beautiful moment to became horrible because the fear and dicomfort I am feelling this days. It will be a good exposure but how can I enjoy it? The depression came back, I wasn't prepared for this, like I knew OCD is chronic but I forgot it hahaha Right now I am trying just to think in short times like, 24 h and it is helping a bit Update: The day was really good !

My ocd kicks in so strong this tine of year. My teaching job ends for two months and my ocd moves in to make me miserable. I can and will get through this but it sucks so bad right now! In therapy but still it’s kicking my ass. Any thing besides just sitting with it??? It’s definitely in the drivers seat and I don’t like the way it’s driving! Also it’s exhausting

This is my first week back to work after being off for 6 months to grapple with my OCD as it became extremely debilitating. I made mistakes when my OCD returned and self medicated with alcohol. Partly due to the OCD but also due to severe back pain from working the California fires in January. Long story short I was pulled over and arrested for DUI and although I was a low BAC it was still enough to be taken in and since then I have hired a lawyer to handle it as I dealt with my OCD treatment. I also returned to work and at which point they had been aware of the dui due to a license information pull by the dmv. Even though I have already had the DMV side dismissed as it was proven I wasn’t over the limit while driving, I am still trying to beat the court side. Either way I am now dealing with a ton of fallout at work for this even if I’m proven to be innocent. It has really put me into a dark place and it makes me fantasize about ending it. I know that, that isn’t the way and that’s not the way to win at this. I’m really digging in to sitting with the uncomfortable and what ifs and trying not to solve for problems that have not happened yet.