is this still an intrusive thought?

Im actually confused is this an intrusive thoughts? when im doing something it feels like my brain is monitoring how i think how i feel or what i say. it would say things like these and i would fall into problem solving, trying to fix or clear any doubts my brain has or clearing out my intention. “ Did you feel anything when you looked at that kid?” “Why did you have that thought? you probably liked it” “Why did you accidentally say that? even though you said you didnt mean to say it, you still said it” (not verbally, still mental) “When you said the person is cute does that mean you see a kid in them? youre probably a pedo because of that” “what do you feel about their younger version?” “what did you think or feel during the interaction?” Sometimes these thoughts would come up to question me and would result into mentally checking what i thought or what i feel when something happend. Or like sometimes a feeling would come or a thought would come, this would make me question myself as to why i had that thought or feeling. Again this would result in me mentally checking or trying to fix or prove that i didnt even mean anything bad or trying to convince myself that its just ocd. I know i should but i feel like i really should clear it up, but at the same time i feel like im doing a compulsion. these are thoughts that questions my intention or why im having a thought at a certain moment which sometimes would come with feelings and make it look like its real which is why i fall in mental compulsions

nath_noxy

Date posted: 1y

I totally understand what you mean. My POCD started after I realised how deep down I got into my porn addiction after I let go off it (now 16 days clean). Addictions work in a very shitty way, where you get immune to regular stuff and your body ends up reacting only to more extreme stuff. When I was younger while searching sexual comics cuz I needed more and more stimulation, on my scream, when I wasn’t even looking for it, a comic containing a drawn child appeared. It terrified me, I knew it was wrong. But my body, with a huge addiction went with it. I’ve seen very bad stuff, I was confused all the time because I knew I’m not a P, yet I was watching those stuff. I KNEW it not that. There were times when I tried to let go off it, but addiction doesn’t work like that sadly… I drew the line to the whole addiction over a month ago. And now that I realised I’ve seen those stuff my POCD went HIGHER than ever. Now that I’m getting out of the addiction my mind can think more clearly and it keeps asking me if I actually liked it, and all those horrible questions. I ask the same questions as you to myself. Yet my situation is so much different because my addiction got mi into actually viewing such horrible stuff and I feel shameful off. But recently I’ve came to realise that your brain is asking us those questions and making us self-doubt ourselves because it actually wants to protect us. It’s so ironic but it’s trying to protect us. It knows we would never be a P, so it makes us ask those questions and puts those imaginary to scare us from it. To make even more sure we won’t become what we fear becoming the most. It’s really hard, knowing you’d never do anything to a child, yet it’s making you self-doubt yourself like that. Best regards to you. If you ever wanna talk about it more, hmu 🌸

auschili

Date posted: 1y

@nath_noxy tysm for this

nath_noxy

Date posted: 1y

@auschili There is no problem, truly. Remember, everyday you become stronger. Even if you feel worse, you’re able to tell that you feel worse than yesterday. And that means a true strength. I wish you the best 🌸

madalyndicie...

Date posted: 25w

hello everyone 🤍

i’ve been dealing with this “thing” since i was 15. (i’m 23 now) if i have a bad memory that i have done when i was really young or just an intrusive thought i feel like i need to tell my mom or boyfriend. it’s been on and off ever since but since January hit it’s been an everyday thing about the littlest things. mostly about my relationship. an example is i was talking to someone random at my job and we were talking about taxes and when im in deep thought or just thinking i do a thing where i bite my lip (not in the sexual way) and i had a thought when it happened “was that sexual?” and i felt like i did something wrong and i went for a while thinking that until i told my boyfriend about it. or like my ex’s face has popped up in my head in the most inappropriate times and i feel the need that i have to tell him. (my ex was not a good person) i feel like im a prisoner in my head everyday, trying to justify thoughts or remind myself that its just a thought. i didnt know that this was or could be a form of ocd. it runs in my family but i’ve just never considered it being this. i always called it anxiety or depression but i always felt like it is more than that.

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 21w

Intrusive thoughts during self intimacy

Today has been really hard I feel like I can’t even breathe I feel like a pedo for real :( whenever i think during my alone time i try and coexist with it? but when i decided to think and think i panic and panic more and more i start feel more guilty guys I can’t take this anymore bc when I kinda feel certain it fades aways i think logically i know i probably am ok :( but it’s so scary for me what if i did actually act on the thought and I didn’t realize? And now reflecting it ???

POCD

please44I

Date posted: 10w

I wrote things about my ocd to say to my therapist

I don't really know if these will count as ocd 'proof' and I'm almost trying to prove to myself that I have ocd at this point. I really don't know. And these don't even mention my current themes (pocd, soocd) and rocd but its kind of stopping idk. So here's what I wrote do you think it's worth mentioning or it even counts as ocd idk? -Blinking in a certain way, breathing in a certain manner till it feels right, making sure that im breathing right, holding my breath for a bit again and again, made sounds that disturbed others (my mom) because of that. -Focusing too much on my eyesight and what i see to make sure I don't have symptoms of an Illness in the eye, checking my body reactions a lot and getting scared. Checking my pulse regularly for a heart attack. Fear of dying, researching random illnesses of symptoms I have -When i was a child I pictured my family dying a lot and got intrusive thoughts about their heads being cut off, especially in Eid El adha (where we basically sacrifice cows and sheep) I couldn't handle being there because I was scared that the guy killing the cow will accidentally cut my mom's head instead and I'd picture it so graphically. random intrusive thoughts about me doing harm to others but they didn't make me anxious just disturbed, fear that someone will get in the house and kill my whole family since I was a child that I have a slight fear of doorbells. Can be sensitive to gorey images but not always a persistent fear unless I'm focused on it. In the streets I get stressed out by cars around me because I get thoughts that someone will shoot me and kill me from the car. Fear of dying in general as a kid I saw a video that talked about if you see fish in your dream it means you'll die soon and I wasn't able to sleep for a long time without literally collapsing out of tiredness because I was scared of sleeping and dying in my sleep. -Irrational fears when I hear really loud sounds, as a kid I'd hear sounds of parties or so and it stresses me out because I got intrusive thoughts about someone playing party songs but killing everyone in the enjoyment of the killing. Doorbell sounds stress me out and I keep hearing the doorbell ringing in my ears a lot that I check the door randomly sometimes. -When I play games I have to do things a certain way and I can click on a button multiple times in a different pattern until it feels right, repeating prayers constantly until they feel right. Same with the breathing from before idk if these count -I question morals a lot, I'm not sure If it's in an ocd manner but I am really scared of being a bad person with bad morals, I get scared I'm racist and sometimes I see someone from a different race and I get racist thoughts like racial slurs or so get in my head, I question morals in general a lot and the idea of them and why they exist. And that makes me scared that I'm just a terrible person and I don't want to be. I can fixate on "trying to do what's right" too much that I end up messing up more -Immense guilt on things from a long time ago that I already dealt with. -what I'd say my worst compulsions are (pure o I think) : Checking constantly, feelings or thoughts or reactions. Sneaky reassurance seeking from friends and confessing my thoughts. Excessive ruminating trying to find an answer, can take so long out of my life that I can't eat or drink. Researching my thoughts and asking people. Repeating prayers in my head constantly even though I'm not religious anymore but I get so disturbed by my thoughts.

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is this still an intrusive thought?

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