Hi there everyone, I’m really struggling with obsessive thoughts over my relationship with my girlfriend. Everything was going so well for the first couple months and one day I started doubting - ever since then I’ve been trying to combat thoughts that our relationship is doomed to fail. I used to love my girlfriend, now I keep getting intrusive anxious thoughts about breaking up with her and scrutinising her appearance. I spent a few years struggling before with HOCD but I’m free of that now, now I feel I’m heading into a spiral of obsession over whether on not this relationship is right. I don’t want my girlfriend to suffer and loose faith in me whilst I act all weird around her. How do I stay present to her and cope through it? Thanks

Anybody with HOCD/ROCD that can relate? Sometimes when I’m around my girlfriend I get really irritable and anxious cuz I’m so in my head and I feel bad because all I want to do is be away from her in those moments when she doesn’t really understand what’s going on. I have a tendency to focus on her negative attributes and they get so loud in my head that I just can’t function around her sometimes. What can I do? I feel like I can’t escape these thoughts anywhere I go.

So on my fourth anniversary I told my gf I had HOCD. She’s bi and all and we discussed about the gay thoughts and the things that have been roaming through my head and I told that these were intrusive thoughts. She told me about her trying not to come out to her homophobic step dad and all that and it got me worried too! It made me start to think maybe that’s what it was all along but I called myself down as much as I can. She gave me an example of how a women checked her out when she was in the bathroom in college and I thought to myself “I do that to with the women I look at” during our time I didn’t want her to think I was gonna leave or ima turn gay or something like that cause I know it’s not how it works. I just don’t want her to think I’m gonna leave for some dude or just leave in general. I don’t want her to develop things to ruin our relationship and I don’t want it to happen to me either ): this is really hell on earth and I’m gonna seek help when I get the chance. Every time I think I’m doing great my mind thinks “yeah I’m gay” or “you’re in denial” and every time I think of a friend and things like that it goes to some really intrusive and explicit thoughts that I won’t say here and it made me uncomfortable to the point where I now feel nauseous. Though it’s self diagnosed knowing more about HOCD makes it more clear to what I have I just don’t want her to think it’s all made up! My brain tells me that just because of what I did when I was in kindergarten with another boy (which was an innocent kiss) I didn’t know what was going on and it makes me uncomfortable and makes my brain think I’m in denial. I try to tell myself that the things I’ve done in the past shouldn’t be reflected with what I do now. But I just want this to be over I want to be happy with my girlfriend and make her feel as great as she makes me. But I feel so guilty having these thoughts I just with I t was over. I’m happy she’s here to support me but I don’t want her to think of it all in the wrong was I just want her to know I’m going through something completely different then what she went through. I’m gonna do better not just for her but for myself too!

It’s been around a week and a half since i’ve started having doubts about my relationship with my girlfriend. They subside at times when I’m not ruminating but then they come back and it’s all i think about. I’m not sure if coming on here to read other peoples feelings about their partner is reassurance seeking but when i do, it makes me feel somewhat better. The thoughts I have about my girlfriend put this negative feelings in my body that I hate. I’m questioning my attraction towards her, im questioning my love for her. Last night we talked about how she feels very disconnected from me and that we used to be so intimate together and have a strong desire for each other. I agree that that’s what it was like and that was also in the more beginning stages of our relationship. I too have missed our times when we were very intimate and passionate. But lately I’ve just had no sexual desire. Last night she also said she feels like one day, im going to have a talk with her about how I want to be just friends and that sent an intrusive thought in my head that maybe I do want to be just friends. I can’t imagine not having her in my life, I know that if I let my intrusive thoughts break our relationship, it will be my biggest regret. She’s very perfect for me, she’s funny, she’s serious, she’s mature, shes so intelligent, she’s beautiful in every way and we’ve both changed each other for the better. She’s everything I wanted in a partner. We get along so well and have so many things in common but now my brain is telling me i’m losing feelings for her and out of nowhere too. I quit vaping after being addicted to it for 4 years and that’s when i started having anxiety and doubts about my feelings. part of my intrusive thoughts tell me I was only ever excited to come home to her because she had the vape and i know that’s not true but I can’t help to wonder if it is. I love her dearly, but every morning I wake up holding her with this anxiety in my head telling me I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her, I can’t be with her, i’m only with her because of how close we are and because she won’t have a place to stay if we breakup. But i know deep down, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and she’s the most important thing in my life. My anxiety is attacking her solely because of how much I care for her and value her. I see people saying if you know breaking up will hurt them, that’s how you know you love them still but wouldn’t everyone feel bad breaking up with someone they promised everything to? I genuinely cannot imagine living my life without her, even though we’re only 19. I feel like she is my person forever, i choose her always and want nothing but the best for her. I know she just wants to love me and for me to love her but my intrusive thoughts get in the way of things she wants. I guess i’m asking how should I replenish our connection, have more intimacy, and best these intrusive thoughts?