Extreme guilt about being violent with sibling.

My brother and I (I’m 20, he’s 16 but he’s taller and heavier than me) used to get violent with one another. I had anger issues growing up in an angry home (our dad was just like this), and I would yell and shout a lot, and we’d get into physical fights. I’ve been a LOT better about it over the past few years especially since I moved out to college, but yesterday as I was laying on the couch healing from my wisdom teeth extraction, he started hitting me with a plushie and then wiped his boogers on it. I tried really hard to ignore him but he just kept going and going, and then i tried to leave the room but he followed me and kept bothering me. I finally slapped him, he punched me with what felt like full force in the back (causing me to tear up from the pain), and I ended up scratching him so hard that it left a big mark. He punched me in the back again really hard and I ended up just crying. I now feel really really really horrible. We talked it out and both apologized and said we loved each other. But now i’m really worried. I’m concerned that I’m an abusive monster, that I have a personality disorder, that I’ve traumatized him over the years. I don’t know if these sorts of fights are normal between siblings or if there is something seriously wrong with me. Things like this have happened before. I keep googling scary things.

Username: Celestial1997@Celestial1997@

Date posted: 16w ago

I’ve been in similar situations with my siblings. I violently lashed out in anger as well when I was your age. I’m not proud of it but it happens, and all you can do is move on and try to be better. A lot of people don’t really talk about rage and anger but it affects a lot of us and it’s very hard to control. I think it’s important to gain control over your emotions but that takes time and practice. Do your best to be better and learn from your mistakes and think about how you can do better in the future. When people are annoying you they want to get a reaction out of you. Don’t let them win.

Username: Dalia H.Dalia H.

Date posted: 16w ago

@Celestial1997@ Thank you so much for your comment, it really helps to hear that i’m not alone. I definitely have dealt with rage growing up, usually aimed at my brother. I’m going to commit myself to doing better from now on. Do anger issues always have to be indicative of a personality disorder? I’m very worried.

Username: 1230Anonymous1230Anonymous

Date posted: 16w ago

I have 4 older sisters and ended up with a fair share of scratches haha so I think it’s part of the nature of having siblings. One time I was instigating things with my brother at the dinner table and ended up with a fork sticking out of my arm as well haha. You could have a talk with your brother or parents and just let them know your concerns and that you feel bad about your anger. And I’d say you would probably need to talk to a doctor/therapist about your questions regarding personality disorder.

Username: aspureasgreenaspureasgreen

Date posted: 16w ago

Yes,…physical fights are common among siblings.. 😂😂😂😂😂 when we were children, we used to physically fight with each other 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 5y ago

I made a bad choice when I was a teenager. It is by my standards one of the worst things I’ve ever done. I hit my sibling when I was upset with her, she was a lot younger than me, and she is non-verbal. I shared a room with her and she kept getting out of bed and crying at the bedroom door because she wasn’t ready for bed. I had spent about 2 hours bringing her back to bed and tucking her in and at a certain point I just lost my cool. I had school in the morning and for whatever reason I felt I couldn’t ask my mom for help. (I can’t remember why) I hit her, yelled at her, called her a bad girl, and pushed her into bed. In hindsight it makes me feel fucking sick to my stomach that I would treat someone like her like that. I realize as an adult so much more I could’ve done and how I could’ve handled the situation better. I could’ve gotten up and got her a snack, maybe she was hungry. I could’ve gone downstairs and woke my mom up and told her I was getting stressed out. I could’ve left my room and had a shower to stop my frustration from bubbling. I just feel so rotten about this, and I need to say this somewhere. It’s been about 8 years since this has happened, I’ve told my mom and my boyfriend about how horrible I feel about this. They don’t really seem to get it. In every moment of her life besides this one incident I have been her best friend and I try to do as much as I possibly can to enrich her life so when I express this regret with my family they tell me “I’m sure she’s forgotten”, “look how much she loves you” etc. My boyfriend compares this instance to times he hit his sister as a kid. I just don’t find it the same and I don’t know how to move on from this, especially since I’ve been obsessing over this during my most recent meltdown.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 4y ago

Hi guys, I know this question may sound weird, and I apologise if it so or if you find it offensive in any way, but is anyone here with POCD who lives with their children or younger siblings and struggles a lot, especially if you are really close to each other, and often quite affectionate as well? I live with a younger brother, he's 8 years old, and he is really bonded to me. Because of that he really loves to be affectionate with me every single day. Well, I don't mind that, I find that really sweet, and because I always wanted a sibling I appreciate that he likes spending time with me and that he sees me as a caring sister (well, not always but you know what I mean). Due to my POCD I'm rarely enjoying the moments I spent with him. Honestly, I spend more time analysing my thoughts and sensations, or if I have any urge to harm him in any way, than having fun. The current problem I'm dealing with is that I think I've abused him. I know it's sounds terrifying, and there is a part of me that doesn't want to agree with this statement, but there were moments, including one yesterday, when I impulsively kissed him after having a combination between thoughts, feelings and sensations. I don't know why I keep doing it. I really don't want to harm my brother (or any other child!). But weird moments like this happen, and I'm tired of them. I feel like a true monster and I don't know how to move on. I've never seen people having this issue, so this probably means I'm evil and an abuser. I really want to go to the police and confess, I have this immense urge to do so. I'm really sorry if you find this post disturbing. I promise that's not my intention.

POCD

Username: Justagirla

Date posted: 26w ago

Being mean to siblings

So my ocd has found something new to obsess over, sadly. I’m the oldest sibling and I’ve always struggled with my anger. As a kid, I would take these feelings out on my siblings whenever they made me mad and i feel terrible now just thinking about it. My brother admitted to me a while ago that he felt so sad and depressed because of how rude I was. Thinking about it now, it makes me feel so ashamed. I was so mean to him. I’ve changed and he doesn’t feel that way anymore toward me anymore and our relationship is actually so much better. I guess im just obsessing over the fact that I caused my own brother to be depressed and sad. I wasn’t even worried about this before because I’ve changed. And I’m really scared because my ocd has been terrible lately, leading to a lot of stress. What if this stress leads to health issues like heart disease?? I’m really scared. Please help me

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