What if I am what my OCD says?

OCD makes me feel like i am the scum of the earth and i believe it is true. i’ve done horrible things in the past when i was younger that i am not proud of. i know people say that we have to forgive ourselves for our past mistakes/know that our mistakes don’t define us or what not, but i feel like what i’ve done is irredeemable. although i was young back then, it dosent make it an excuse bc i am old enough to know it was wrong. why would i do that?? i’ve tried to forgive myself, but i keep going back in a loop bc of my OCD. what if i am using my OCD as an excuse? i don’t know what to do, please help.

sorry for bothering, for posting too much. but can ocd cause you to sort of.. change? i’m scared i will change. right now i don’t feel like typing all extra with a bunch of emojis and hearts like i usually do. it was usually to represent my values of love and kindness and positivity. but i don t feel like doing that. i feel like typing like this. i’m worried that i will lose my values/morals. i’m scared i am becoming a less emotional or empathetic person. i’m scared that i forced myself to be that way in the past. i’m worried that i don’t know who i am and i will never truly know who i am or feel at peace with myself or my values. i’m worried that because of this ocd i am changed forever. i’m even worried that it isn’t ocd anymore.

I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.