Givenup
- Date posted
- 50w
Pocd part 2 (see previous post for context)
Plus a person was assuming and triggering me by saying that the situation happened, or that I had malicious intent and felt guilty after... im so triggered rn...
TexasOCD41TexasOCD41
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 50w
You are in an active OCD sprial. take some deep breaths and know that you're going to be ok. now lets break this down. ( I saw your previous post) so I know the context. First thing you need to do is delete those messages. Every time you check them or use them to try to figure out who this person was, you are doing a compulsion and compulsions feed OCD so you trying to help yourself is actually doing more harm than good. Also- stop trying to figure out who that person was. For all you know it was some 50 year old man with some odd fetish impersonating a young woman ( notice I did not say minor) you were literally ROLE PLAYING, that person was acting a part. but at the end of the day you will NEVER EVER know for certain who that person was. Sure, there even is a possibility it was a minor... oh well. you did not go into it with the intent. I can empathize because I went through a similar issue. I used to like to watch the voyeurism-type porn. the " hidden camera" situations, were mostly done by amateurs so that makes it seem realistic, and some of the actors were younger girls. They were not role-playing, you could just tell they were in their early -mid-20s. Well I had OCD hit me with "What if these people were actually minors filmed without their consent?" and BOY did I spiral. BUT I just had to accept that the content had been viewed and i could never know for certainty if what i feared was true or not and i accepted that and moved on. i didn't seek out minors, i know my values i know who i am as a person. The best thing for you to do is accept the uncertainty. you can assume the best, its encouraged. lets say you're 99% positive that person was of age and that's enough. you will never know so just accept that 1% of uncertainty and move on. Delete the chats, do not talk about it people ( outside of a therapist perhaps) You will get past this.
TexasOCD41TexasOCD41
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 50w
@Jam&Butterfly - Thank you :) i spent so long educating myself about OCD when I was in spirals because to me, understanding the enemy takes its power away and my therapist agrees so I just try to spread what I have learned and shared what my therapist tells me. knowledge really is the sharpest sword against OCD I believe.
andrea_sam730andrea_sam730
- Date posted
- 37w
@TexasOCD41 I’m dealing with same thing I’m losing my mind :(
TexasOCD41TexasOCD41
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 36w
@andrea_sam730 - What is your situation?
craziestboycraziestboy
- Date posted
- 24w
@TexasOCD41 Omg I’m so glad I’m not the only one going through this
craziestboycraziestboy
- Date posted
- 24w
@TexasOCD41 I would like to talk more about ocd with you
TexasOCD41TexasOCD41
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 24w
@craziestboy - whats going on?
craziestboycraziestboy
- Date posted
- 24w
@TexasOCD41 I’m sorry I didn’t see your comment but I’m suffering the same exact thing about watching the realistic homemade videos and thinking what if they’re young I need help please
craziestboycraziestboy
- Date posted
- 24w
@TexasOCD41 You have no idea how much it’s been eating me up the guilt and fear
TexasOCD41TexasOCD41
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 24w
@craziestboy - The best thing you can do is just recognize its OCD. i have done the same thing, iv watched porn that was "home made" and where they pretend to be hidden cameras and i had a thought " what if these are real situations and these people don't know they are being filmed and possibly underaged?" it ate me up for a bit too but at the end of the day, i will NEVER EVER know the truth, and my INTENTION was to just watch adult content, not to watch non-consenting minors. The importance is in your intent. maybe they were minors, maybe they weren't, you will never know and it doesn't matter. even if they were young, that doesn't make you a bad person, it means you saw something that was falsly advertised. give yourself grace, understand they MOST LIKELY were of age and purposely picked because they only look younger ( which is still fine) and you just move on. its only OCD making this a big deal and you are letting it.
craziestboycraziestboy
- Date posted
- 24w
@TexasOCD41 You’re right but like I became obsessed with that kind of homemade stuff from Omegle and Twitter and it just made me feel even more guilty because it’s not licensed corn and they can be young and I’m trying to break the cycle of watching homemade stuff how can I stop that I need guidance it’s an addiction that triggers my ocd badly
TexasOCD41TexasOCD41
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 23w
@craziestboy - just use a mass produced site like x-video or p-hub if your in a state they didn't ban it or something like that. They have the same "home made" type videos but have to be verified first because sites like that don't want to be taken down. its still free.
Related posts
RadiantlyRed...
- Date posted
- 17w
POCD 😭
TW Just saw a judge video where a girl was complaining about a mom suing her for money when her mom is her agent and gives her younger sister (at 17 years old) better work because they exploit her body and THEY SHOWED PICTURES. I saw it and was like “oh my gosh is that actually what I think it is?” Then after realizing it’s like I was too shocked to look away. What is bothersome is that I wasn’t immediately repulsed enough to turn it off and didn’t immediately do so and when the picture kept showing up it’s like I kept looking at it to make sure what I saw was actually what I saw. Also, the false memory is hitting hard because now I’m wondering if I had intrusive thoughts judging her body. Now I feel like a perv and pedo 😭 It’s like I’m anxious over not being anxious enough about the situation while actually being incredibly anxious. I don’t if that made ANY sense but someone please help. I will say my mind was already incredibly vulnerable because of burnout and other very stressful events recently. Still, I feel terrible and feel I deserve to be in jail.
Givenup
- Date posted
- 14w
Pocd and gut feelimg
Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...
Givenup
- Date posted
- 13w
Pocd
I feel so triggered after another youtuber was accused of p*dophilic activity and MAP (minor attracted person) behavior and my pocd is saying that my real events ocd (from my previous past) situation is as bad or worse than theirs....
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