Struggling with OCD and how it amplifies fears about sexual attraction?

Just thought I’d share my story so far with you all and maybe see if anyone’s had similar stuff :) I had been completely straight my whole life. I’m 18 now but had had multiple girlfriends who I was very much into. I was never into guys. I was very stressed for my exams and ended up going to see Bohemian Rhapsody with some friends to chill. After seeing heaps of gay-Esque things in the film the thought popped into my head “what if I’m gay or bi” and then that’s when it started. (This was 3 months ago) I then found myself unable to hang out with my guy friends because every time I saw them I would get anxious I was attracted to them. I moved past this but I’m still constantly having an internal reasoning battle with myself about wether or not I’m into men. I then noticed a huge lack in sex drive towards women as well which scared me because being into women was a huge part of me. I have never been aroused by or enjoyed thinking about men sexually or romantically though this is what the intrusive thoughts were. This leads me to my main point which is porn. I was a heavy porn user before the ocd and I was starting to find Normal straight porn not as good. I had been watching more kinky shit eg step sibling stuff etc. I have watched gay porn multiple times since the HOCD. **potential trigger/ graphic warning ahead** and had finished both times. It happened very quickly and I just felt terrible after. I tell myself that I finished because of just the pure taboo nature of it and it was what the ocd wanted me to do since whenever I’d tried to arouse myself to men in a non pornographic way nothing had ever worked. Also when I was watching I wasn’t particularly focused on like the men themselves like I would with women when I watched straight porn. It was all very traumatising and I have to keep stopping myself from checking again to see if my reaction changes :( I’ve been meditating a lot and I’m about to start ERP on here and with my psychologist (who diagnosed me with ocd) But yeah just was wondering if anyone had anything similar with the porn thing just so I can figure out if it’s denial or whatever :) I don’t think it’s a coincidence with timing either since this all happened during exams.

When I was in like 3rd grade I went to a friends house and she turned on lesbian pornography. I then went home and watched it again, and again and again. This being the only pornography I have watched and “got off too”. I have always had heterosexual relationships and crushes since I was a young girl but this pornography addiction I think is what led me to SOOCD. I have always been scared of being gay and I remember telling myself when I was young when I would watch porn that “one day I have to figure this out, why do I watch this if I’m straight” and that was an ongoing question for years but I was always able to move on. So the question has always been there. But I knew I was always different. Now that I’m 20 and I’m more educated on OCD now I notice how I have always suffered from instructive thoughts just could never put a name to it. Thoughts like death, imagining scenarios and having to plan the resolution as if it will actually happen, existing ocd, all of the above. But now my SO ocd has affected every aspect of my life to where it hurts when I wakes up. And I truly question my sexuality despite loving my boyfriend of 4 years. My question is, anyone who has experienced this, how did you recover. From porn addiction and SOOCD. Does anyone have a similar experience? Please share. I feel really alone.

18+ please! Sorry if this inappropriate. Does anyone else deal with the consequences of having consumed pornography and has ocd? Can you tell me if you also have a lot of intrusive thoughts during sexual activity? I'm not proud to say that I had access to this type of content at a young age and it grew with me until the first years of my adult life. I only became aware of the extent of the damage when I received my ocd diagnosis and even though my therapist and I believe that I have had ocd since childhood, addiction to pornography was an important factor in making the disorder worse since I suffer from graphic images and sexual content intrusive thoughts I've been trying to learn how to have a good relationship with my sexuality without using pornography for a few months, but it's not always easy to use my imagination when I have some tabs open in my head that get in my way. I really can't and don't want to have access to any type of adult content anymore, but I always think it's easier to be able to "silence" intrusive thoughts. It's happened several times where I try to use my imagination and then I have an intrusive thought and I think I stimulated myself by thinking about it and it's just disgusting and I feel really bad. I've been trying to deal with this for months and with medical help for both problems, I really feel dirty and lost about it and I don't know how to make it stop. I spent days avoiding even thinking about anything sexual so I wouldn't have to deal with it, but my therapist said that this is also unhealthy and can become a compulsion, so I don't know what to do. Anyone who goes through/has gone through something similar?