SO-OCD?

Hey y’all! I’m new to the app and to the NOCD community. I have been reading other people’s posts on this little forum. It has mostly been comforting to see that I’m not alone. However, I feel like I stepped into another spiral by doing so. I’ve been reading people’s posts with SO-OCD. I’m a lesbian. I have a long-term girlfriend. I feel very confident in my sexuality and in our relationship. BUT, these posts have me doubting everything and my whole identity.I don’t even know why I looked, but I regret it. I suddenly feel so much shame for being a lesbian after reading about other people’s shame with same-sex attraction. I’m also feeling like “what if I’m not actually gay, and I’ve just been giving into SO-OCD”? I’m also feeling overwhelmed with religious guilt even though I walked away from the church years ago. I actually feel sick to my stomach. I’m not here to make light of anyone’s experiences with SO-OCD. I just want to feel normal. Does any of the other queer OCD population struggle with this too?

Username: AnonymousestiAnonymousesti

Date posted: 15w ago

Hey!! The things we write on here are, in now way, a mean to hate on the LGBTQ+ community. Most of us on here are big allies of the community. But sometimes when you're in distress and just need to feel like you're not alone, the words we write might sound or feel disrespectul but in no way reflect how we feel about the community! we're just in distress! And we all try to make sure that we remind the people reading our posts that we have nothing against the LGBTQ+ community but we just have OCD and we're trying to navigate it! And keep in mind that for 75 percent of the people here, english isnt their first language so sometimes they just say stuff bluntly because they dont know the right words. And no offense or anything but I have been here long enough and have read multiple post and never once have I read about someone with SOOCD feeling "shame" about their thoughs. They migh feel anger, disgust (in the same way you feel disgut if you were to imagine yourself with a man), fear, lost but never shame. The people on here just want to be happy no matter what the outcome is and be done with OCD!

Username: tanya_heretanya_here

Date posted: 15w ago

Hello and welcome! I’m fairly new myself but wanted to say that I’m also a lesbian who struggles with SO-OCD and have at times felt similar anxiety reading those kinds of posts. That said, I know that for me SO-OCD has been so intense, disorienting, heartbreaking, and disruptive that I only have to use my own context to understand it coming from the other side. No matter orientation, people with SO-OCD share a fundamental fear of not actually knowing themselves, or having got it “wrong” and it’s unfortunately accompanied by many emotions, sometimes shame. To be clear, we are not intended targets of that shame. The sense of shame in SO-OCD is one that I share and know well, and it has more to do with “what if I’m wrong about myself and my life?” than anything else. Here for support if you ever need it!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 15w ago

@tnc Thank you! I know that others are not purposefully trying to inflict shame. I just wasn’t sure why all of the sudden I was feeling shame and confusion. My family has cut ties with me for being who I am, and I think I already have a lot of thoughts that are comp-het or internalized homophobia in nature. I just started spiraling believing that I chose wrong and lost my family for it etc. it’s comforting to hear your perspective because I was feeling absolutely bonkers out of no where. Thank you again.

Username: tanya_heretanya_here

Date posted: 15w ago

@Anonymous Of course! I’m deeply sorry for your experience with your family and can only imagine how that would feed a spiral. Shame and confusion have been constants in my journey with OCD so I do understand on that score. You’re not bonkers! :)

Username: PumpkinFrappPumpkinFrapp

Date posted: 15w ago

Oh goodness… I am so sorry you are going through this spiral! To have your confidence in love taken from you is heartbreaking and incredibly challenging, and I think all of us with SO-OCD, no matter our orientation, can connect on that feeling. There is absolutely nothing shameful about loving who you love and feeling joy from that love. I think a lot of us who have SO-OCD feel shame because we feel like we’ve lost a core part of our identity. In my case, I have always wanted a husband, and I felt happy and comfortable in my past relationship with a man. But when my OCD was initially triggered, it was like those wants and feelings weren’t allowed to matter because the obsessions felt so intense. Hopefully this theme doesn’t become sticky for you. The sooner you catch onto a theme, the easier it is to tackle it with non-engagement phrases. You got this! 🫶

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 15w ago

@PumpkinFrapp Your words are so helpful and kind. It’s nice to be seen. Thank you.

Username: nivfa

Date posted: 5y ago

I’m new to the site but not at all new to OCD. I’ve seen a lot of posts about “hocd” and just generally posts about people thinking they’re gay or whatever. I’m a lesbian and honestly it’s a really confusing and awful thing to see. I’m sure the posts aren’t literally homophobic but like, it’s shitty to go on an app to help your mental illness and then to see people portray homosexuality as an illness!!!! I know that there could be straight people who have these intrusive thoughts but HEY!! I had those intrusive thoughts too and I ended up being gay. I thought it was all anxiety but it wasn’t! It just feels so weird to see this stuff. If I saw those posts as a teenager, I might still be closeted and self-hating. Anyone else have thoughts?

Username: blackraspberry

Date posted: 4y ago

Any tips on not taking other people’s ocd personally?? I’m a lesbian with SOOCD where I obsess over being straight/attracted to men. It’s been beneficial to use this app and look at posts from others with SOOCD because it gives me some perspective. However, it’s uncomfortable to see the fear that people have over the idea of being gay because I already feel like being gay is wrong/gross/scary and my brain takes those posts as “proof” that being gay is wrong so I’m horrible. I know that this is NOT a rational thing to think but my obsession on this topic are so intrusive I just can’t help falling into that train of thought. Essentially. I feel like this app is a double edged sword so I’m unsure of if it’s even worth it to continue looking at it.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: emsi23

Date posted: 2y ago

New here. Looking to hear from people with SOOCD. Im a woman with a cis male partner. For several months, I’ve been convinced I’m either bisexual or lesbian. It all started after seeing tiktoks of other women questioning their sexuality, talking about how they watch wlw porn, and so on. I also only watch lesbian porn. I’ve learned a lot about comp het and thought maybe this is why i’ve never dated another woman and i’m actually attracted to women instead of men. Ever since then, i’ve felt extremely disconnected from my partner and even almost broke up with him. I find myself constantly googling searching to find my true sexual orientation. I constantly try to imagine if I could be with another woman. I’ve imagined coming out as bi or lesbian. Just recently, I learned of SOOCD. Suddenly everything is making sense. I felt relieved when I started learning about it. Though, I’m still worried I could just be bi or a lesbian in denial. Everyday I am consumed by these thoughts. I’m exhausted, confused, and depressed. All I want is to find myself again. And find answers. I love my partner, and I just want to feel happy again. If you’ve experienced anything similar, please share. I’d love to hear from you. I’m not looking for advice or answers from you, I just want to hear from others in the community.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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