pleas help me

I am not diagnosed with ocd. I began having distressing intrusive thoughts I think last December. It kept getting worse so I was looking for answers and ocd seemed similar to what I was experiencing. I don’t have any physical compulsions just mental ones where I can’t stop using affirmations like “I will never think/do ___” or “I have never thought ___”Then eventually I don’t even know how this happened but I discovered what pocd was, and I started thinking about what if I was a p in the past? I started having thoughts and images related to that and has been extremely distressing. I was afraid to go to sleep because I was afraid of having nightmares related to what I was worried about during the day. It got a little bit better when I realized I’m reacting the exact opposite to how someone who’s a p would. I am upset by these thoughts, I don’t want them, I have no desire to be anywhere near a child or hurt them in any way and I never have. I literally am avoiding looking at any child in public because I’m so scared. This is all in my head. But then recently I don’t know why it got bad again and I became convinced that I was one in the past. I used to play this game called moviestarplanet when I was a teenager and you could date other players on there and I started thinking what if I dated someone younger than me on there. Even though I know there is no possibility of that I can’t stop being convinced that it happened and that I’m in denial and don’t care. And my mind keeps coming up with new things trying to say that I did them and I know they are wildly untrue but I can’t stop worrying and I feel like I don’t want to live with this worry anymore that it could be true or become true. What do I do?

It’s been almost 5 months since this has started. It’s been on and off. Ive come to realize it’s probably POCD to fitting into every symptoms. Ive never been diagnosed with OCD but I do have anxiety and am constantly worried about everything. I dont know if anyone here can help reassure me that this happens to people and i am not what i think i am because it is basically taking over my thoughts and life. Seeing that i have every symptom, am i sure that i do? ugh this is so stressful. Never in my life have i ever had this thought. Never ever thought of children in that way. Growing up I’ve always liked older people older. I never had crushes on any child. Or did I and it just didn’t stick out to me? It’s gotten to the point where I can’t take these instrusive thoughts anymore either.. and are they even intrusive because I feel like I’m forcing myself to think about them just to see if I give myself a response. I have kids and have friends with kids and I can’t stop have the thoughts of maybe hurting them even though I never have before!! Then it makes me fixate on them and why am I fixating on just them if I wasn’t someone with POCD??? just the terrible person I’m scared that I actually am. It’s no other kids just the ones I’m familiar with or have known forever. Can you just turn into a P and not realize it until wayyyy older? I’m so stuck im not sure what to do.

Hey I’m new to this, I’m a 20 yo female, and I’m pretty sure I’ve had ocd since my childhood, but it’s gotten worse has I’ve gotten older. I never really understood my intrusive thoughts and always felt so sick and uncomfortable when I’d have them. They took a turn many months ago when they became more often and more intense. And I started doing some research on them and came across ocd (which I always thought was just when people don’t like to be unorganized and are like perfectionists or something) but as I was reading different websites and seeing how many types of ocd there was I noticed that I related to most of what I was reading. I still haven’t been officially diagnosed or found a therapist yet but I’m working on it. The past year has been the hardest with my intrusive thoughts. I’m mainly bothered by my pocd and I feel sick to my stomach whenever I get an intrusive thought about a child. I absolutely love kids and would never do anything to hurt them it physically makes me ill when I think about it. (If anyone has any tips to deal with this please reply😭) I think I have an idea to why I have those thoughts. I didn’t have the best childhood I was sa’d at 4&9 by 2 different people that were supposed to take care of me, and I have this horrible fear that i could be like them and it makes me feel so incredibly sick. I was also way too exposed to s3xual things as a child, my family was way too open about s3x growing up like I’m talking adults in my life thought it was okay to openly talk about it to me when I was 6/7 like it was normal. I wish I could explain more but this is already way too long. I’ve only opened up to a select few people about this so this was extremely hard for me, I’m literally fighting for my life… Thank you to anyone who cared enough to read this all the way through I appreciate it so much.🤍