Mnkeyman
- Date posted
- 46w
How do I forgive myself for past mistakes
Does anyone have any coping mechanisms for helping to relieve guilt from things I have done in my past that I don’t like that I did?
djfloriodjflorio
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 46w
If thoughts about your past actions keep coming up, it's likely that you're resisting them in some way (since you're posting on here, I'm assuming there may be some compulsions involved). I would say the first thing to do is to practice fully accepting that you did whatever you did. If thoughts and images appear that remind you of it, just allow them to be and think, "yes, that did happen." This isn't meant to torture or punish you or anything, it's an exercise that will likely reduce how often these thoughts arise. Once you fully accept what happened (which I know isn't easy), the next thing is to find the lesson in it. Any time we do something we aren't proud of, there is an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. Instead of wishing these things never happened, try to be thankful that you have the ability to learn from them. Some of life's best lessons are learned the hard way. Life only flows in one direction. All you can do is go forward with the best intentions you're capable of. You will make mistakes, as everyone does. Sometimes little, sometimes really big. But we are all constantly changing. If you focus on making positive changes in the present, then you are doing the right thing no matter what your past actions were.
BigGyro09BigGyro09
- Date posted
- 46w
Hi. Thanks a lot for writing this. I'm still trying to accept some bad things that happened in my life without any judgement or without pushing it away in any way. It's hard because I still end up blaming myself for things that I did do at the time and wish they didn't happen. I'm still trying to practice the mindset of "Yes, those things did happen. I'm learning from those events and I'm just trying to be better. Things are different now." It's hard not to get feelings involved.
djfloriodjflorio
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 46w
@BigGyro09 - No problem. Yes this stuff is difficult. Guilt and shame can be extremely powerful emotions. Guilt is a helpful emotion when it is regulated, but obsessive guilt isn't good for anyone. It's a common theme with OCD because we tend to think in extremely black and white terms. It's easy to feel like any bad past actions completely negate ANY good things we've done, and that we are irreversibly "tainted." That's one of the many areas where I like to practice "yes, and" thinking. Instead of, "I've done these good things, BUT I've also done these terrible things," you change it to, "I've done these good things, AND I also did these terrible things." It's subtle, but it makes a big difference in the long run to think this way. This holds true for many different obsessions/fears: "I'm going to a party tonight, AND I feel really anxious about it." "I love and care about my daughter, AND I experience intrusive thoughts about harming her." "I strive to make positive changes in my life, AND there are many things from my past that I'm not proud of." This can bring up a lot of anxiety, as it involves accepting some aspects of our lives that we really don't like. That's where we practice the awareness of our body and our feelings. We sit with the anxiety and allow it to run its course. We don't have to fight it off or argue with it to make it go away. We learn that we CAN live our lives despite these thoughts and feelings. The more we practice this, the more we realize how gray and fuzzy life is, and the easier it becomes to move forward and accept life with all its flaws. A long time ago I heard a great analogy. That we are like trees, and past traumas and bad memories are like carvings or marks in the tree. Those carvings never really go away, but over time they become less and less defined and faded as the tree grows. So if you want something from your past to be less painful in the present, you have to keep growing. Guess I'm in the typing mood tonight, haha. Hopefully there's something helpful in there. If not, ignore me.
hanysm@gmail.comhanysm@gmail...
- Date posted
- 46w
You now is different person than back then person. We change mentally, and physically. For God sake your body cells change every few years. Forgive him and acknowledge his mistakes, and the new you needs to move on.
pammiedee3@gmail.compammiedee3@g...
- Date posted
- 30w
I to have struggled with this very thing and for me it helps to remember that we arent perfect but we're meant to be by our heavenly father. Even he knew we can not be because that's the very reason he made the ultimate sacrifice to give his only son for our sins. Because we are not perfect and will make mistakes. So it comforts me to know that just because I did something that wasn't good or wrong or that I feel bad about doesn't make me a bad person just makes me not perfect and being not perfect is OK. This doesn't excuse anything I may have done for im still accountable but however helps me by knowing no one is perfect nor without mistakes in life.
tbrown252@tbrown252@
- Date posted
- 17w
I'm 50 and I enter a relationship with a 70 year old Godly man
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- Date posted
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I want to move on and accept my past mistakes, but I feel like truly forgiving myself isn’t acceptable. My therapist says not to judge my past self but seek to understand. But if what I’ve done has gone against my moral values, how exactly do I do this? I’ve learned my lesson, and I just want to move on. But that feels like letting myself off the hook. Any tips or advice??
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