im so confused

@AaronB1111 I’ll really consider signing up, I’d have to ask my parents and everything for insurance and I’m just scared they will think I’m crazy or not believe me. Honestly thank you so much for the detailed responses. I feel like idk I see gross sexual images in my head and like I see them play out, is this normal? Like I won’t only see an image I’ll see an action. I’ve been trying not to do anything about the thoughts, but then I just feel gross. I feel like I have to pray or something to get rid of it. And like with my specific fear if it was true then that is gross you know what I mean, like I feel like I can’t just sit with the thought because I’m not sure if it is just a thought. I know you said thoughts are not facts, but my thoughts are so so specific and gross why me? Like why would I get a thought like that when I’ve never in my life does anything or wanted anything even remotely similar to the thoughts. Does that mean that one day I actually did end up doing the thoughts and I’m just traumatized so my brain is trying to block out the memory? It just makes me feel so gross and even around family I feel like a lie and gross. Can the thoughts be random and out of nowhere? Like I’m pretty sure reading the news triggered it, but like it triggered me to remember something else someone commented and then that’s when this all started and I started getting images in my head. I’m sorry I’m just so confused about what this says about me. I told my mom but she doesn’t really understand and I wasn’t able to tell her how severe and bad the thoughts really are. Therapy isn’t really something they know and when I told my mom about the thoughts like all I was able to tell her is that I’m having like disturbing thoughts and she said that was normal and to not focus on it but that was it. I mean I know she’s right I shouldn’t focus on it, but in all my past ocd themes I knew that it was physically impossible for the thoughts that went through my head to happen. Like they were terrible images and I did ask what kind of person I was for thinking that, but I also knew that the thoughts couldn’t happen because I was surrounded by people so I was able to ask them if things really did happen and after that the thoughts kind of went away. This time I’m having the thoughts in my own house and it feels like I can’t escape because my parents aren’t always with me and anyway they don’t monitor me 24/7 and all my actions. So it leads me to believe I have done something to something and then I have to throw it away because it is gross to keep it.

@leena445 Also the thing specifically that I feel like triggered all of this is something all over the news. You’ve probably heard of it too, it involves a well known man.I was reading an article on it and it’s so disturbing and gross what he did, I just can’t believe someone would do something like that.

@AaronB1111 also like does this sound like ocd? because genuinely I don’t know. If this event actually happened would I be replaying the events in my head like this? Like because if the thought is true it’s gross and unacceptable.

@leena445 The thing is Leena, what you are asking can be seen as a compulsion! So I am not going to answer it because it’s just your OCD trying to trick you! It is causing you to doubt everything about yourself, this is exactly what it does! The best thing to do is talk to you parents and get the best help you can from NOCD! You do not have to share your thoughts with your parents if you don’t want to! It can be scary I know! The only thing I would recommend is sharing what you are going through with your therapist because they WILL NOT judge you! They have heard it all before, so they know how to help you 🫶🏾🙏🏽

@AaronB1111 Oh I see thank you for the help anyways. Wait judge me for my thoughts? what if I can’t tell between a thought and real life 😭

@leena445 That’s the thing with OCD! It wants 100% certainty! This is impossible! I know it is difficult, but what you have to do here is accept that you may never have an answer to this question, and that is okay! You have to lean into the uncertainty and discomfort and the more you do this, the less power OCD has! And when I say they WILL NOT judge you for your thoughts, I am saying that they have heard it all before so do not be afraid or ashamed of them! You might feel scared to share them with someone because they are distressing, but trust me, NOCD will help you live your best life! 🙏🏽🫶🏾

@AaronB1111 How can I go through the rest of my life without knowing if I did something truly bad or not? Am I supposed to accept that I have done it? thank you for all the help also

@AaronB1111 Hey, I know this is a few days later but I’m thinking of starting therapy and I’ve told my parents about this. I do feel so much better but I can’t get rid of this underlying feeling of being gross or possibly doing something wrong

@AaronB1111 I wrote down every event that I remember from the day this all happened and I don’t see where I could’ve done anything so then why did I get the thought?

@AaronB1111 Also what if compulsions really help? Like the day I really reviewed every event every action I took I still felt anxiety but so much less and it’s just been that way ever since I’ve thought over it

@AaronB1111 Hey I know this is a month later, but I think I need some advice right now

@leena445 Hey! Go for it! Lemme know what it is 🙏🏽

@AaronB1111 Thank you much btw I know this takes time out of your day. Not sure how this started or exactly when, I literally can’t go to the bathroom because of this, every time I go like in the moment I’ll be fine usually but afterwards even a few hours later sometimes anxiety will start and I’ll see images of like really specific gross things like this is so bad to say even ill see images of like the tissue going on my face or in my mouth. Literally in the moment I don’t remember feeling much anxiety, then afterwards I feel so much. The last few times I made excuses and got my mom to be with me, but I’m running out of excuses now. Literally every time when I come out of the bathroom I’ll check my face to make sure there’s no drops and like I’ll spit to make sure there wasn’t anything actually in my mouth. This anxiety is so bad I can’t live like this why am I getting the thoughts and why were they kind of out of nowhere? I can’t think of anything specific that would’ve triggered this. I write everything I remember down as well and recently it hasn’t been helping. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Also I did start nocd therapy sessions to manage the thoughts but my therapists aren’t available until mid next week.

@leena445 How can I tell for sure I didn’t do anything like this?

@leena445 Also I will see a drop of water on something and automatically think it’s something gross. Like I was washing my hands in the kitchen sink and I literally saw the water on the faucet go on my sleeve and idk I couldn’t get the thought out that it was something else and I had to change.

@AaronB1111 Also like sometimes I don’t even get anxiety but I just can’t get the thought out of my head that something gross happened in the bathroom

@AaronB1111 I’m still really scared right now don’t know what to do

@AaronB1111 Hey you there?

@AaronB1111 I’m getting a different image right now and I got it pretty immediately after I was in that place. My therapist also cancelled the appointment for today. I know it’s not true because if I did do the thing I’m scared about I would’ve been paranoid about my hands or arms being contaminated or something, but the images are so specific and gross. And I also went back in that place to check and now like what if that confirms that I once acted on this new thought or something? Literally don’t know how to feel right now and I can’t get my work done

@hanysm@gmail.com so do you think this is ocd?

@Anonymous I still feel anxious about it and I keep replaying every action I do

Where r u from

Just do sujoud

@Anonymous what do you mean?

@leena40” Search about سجود and do it

@AaronB1111 Seriously thank you so much for this response, I feel so much better. Sometimes everything just feels so real and no matter how many times I replay every action in my head I can’t get an answer and that makes me spiral. I feel you so much when you say you were afraid of doing the simplest things alone, because that’s literally me right now. When I get an image or thought in my head, what should I do about it? This all feels so confusing

@leena40” Honestly, it is my pleasure to help! I know how tough it is. OCD can turn our worlds upside down, and I understand how scary it feels. But trust me, you are not alone in this! 🙏🏽🫶🏾 OCD makes everything seem so real! If it didn’t, we’d probably just be able to shrug it off. Unfortunately, OCD thrives on making us doubt everything because it targets the things that are most important to us. For someone without OCD, these thoughts might be distressing. But for those of us with OCD, it can feel like our worst nightmare because we give our thoughts and feelings too much power. Remember: thoughts and feelings ARE NOT facts! You might even feel like, “But this time it feels so real!” This is another one of OCD’s many tricks. I’m almost certain everyone with OCD has experienced this. 😞 From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re engaging with OCD by mentally reviewing past events. Don’t worry; I used to do this all the time too, and so do many others. But the most important thing to understand is that you need to stop this pattern. Compulsions do not help us—they only make OCD stronger and increase the frequency and intensity of intrusive thoughts and anxiety. It might feel like compulsions provide relief, but it’s only short-term. In reality, compulsions teach your brain that these thoughts or feelings are dangerous and need to be feared. I was scared of doing anything alone. I needed someone to accompany me wherever I went, to watch me walk up the stairs, or even just to cook. My OCD made me feel insane and weak. But believe me when I say this: there is a way out of OCD’s terror! You are NOT your OCD! When an intrusive thought or image pops up, it can feel really scary, distressing, and uncomfortable, right? It’s natural to want to push these thoughts, images, or urges away because they’re so disturbing. But the more you fight them, the stronger they become because you’re teaching your brain that they’re dangerous. The best thing you can do is to allow these thoughts, images, or urges to just be there. It will be tough at first because your brain is used to fighting them. But remember: thoughts are meaningless. They are just words floating around in your head. Thoughts are NOT predictions! Thoughts are NOT truths! Thoughts are NOT facts! They are just thoughts. And those of us with OCD give them more power than they deserve. What I do whenever I have an unwanted intrusive thought, image, or urge is to say to myself: “I see you, OCD. Nice try, but I’m NOT falling for your tricks anymore.” That’s it. I just allow the thought or feeling to exist without engaging with it, and then I carry on with my day. This is called a non-engagement response. It’s helpful because we are not engaging directly with OCD; we are simply acknowledging the thought or feeling and moving on. I honestly think that working with an ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) therapist would be so good for you, as they can tailor a plan specifically for your situation. But you are definitely on the right path! Keep pushing forward, and always know that I am here to help whenever you need it. 🫶🏾😎

@AaronB1111 Thank you so much for everything this has helped me so much. I’ll definitely try to acknowledge the thought and move on, but what if I feel contaminated by the thought? like I feel gross sitting with the thought and I feel like I’m lying to myself when I try to ignore the thought because on the inside I feel like a terrible person and it feels like I’m trying to hide that. I know it doesn’t make sense but as soon as I get over a thought I feel that guilt and I just don’t get it.

@leena40” When you think about it using your ‘logical brain’ instead of your ‘OCD Brain’. You can see that you obviously DO NOT like these thoughts that pop up. They cause you distress. They cause you to be anxious. They cause you to feel disgusted. This is because they ARE THE OPPOSITE of your values, intentions, and beliefs! If you really think about it, the fact that you are trying to push the thoughts away shows that you DO NOT want these thoughts in your mind. But the thing is, we have no control over what thoughts pop into our mind. The more you try push the thoughts away, the more attention you are giving those thoughts which means they are more likely to come back. OCD is a very very good liar. It can make you believe that you want these thoughts. It can make you doubt anything about yourself. But I can clearly see that these thoughts cause you huge distress, which shows that they ARE UNWANTED INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. Thoughts are just thoughts. They are meaningless! They have NO power! It will feel difficult at first to sit with the thoughts as you have probably been trying to push them away for a long time. But thoughts ARE NOT dangerous! Anxiety IS NOT dangerous! The best thing you can do is just continue to sit with any thought and feeling. It will be difficult (trust me, I struggled with this at the beginning!) but it does get so so much easier over time. You start to teach your brain that you DO NOT need to be scared of these thoughts.

@AaronB1111 Thank you so much for all of this information, you’re saving lives. I’m kind of scared this will never go away, I’ll try to ignore that though. What about memories though? like sometimes I’ll rethink something that happened in the past and I can’t tell if it’s true or not and the thought of it being true makes me feel sick.

@leena40” This is another classic OCD trick! Honestly, it can attack you from all angles! I have been through all of this before! I always used to think “what if I am going to be stuck like this for life?”. I am almost certain everyone with OCD has experienced this worry/doubt at least once! Whenever that doubt pops up, just see it as OCD trying to get loud again! Just say to yourself, “I see you OCD, but I am not falling for your tricks again!”. DO NOT try to push the thought away. DO NOT try to ignore it. Just allow it to be there. As time goes on, you will have taught your brain that you CAN handle having any thought and feeling! Being uncertain about ‘memories’ is a very common OCD theme. It is called False Memory OCD. When we are not ‘100% certain’ about a past memory, this is when OCD pops up and can start to cause confusion! Memories can become distorted if you keep going over them. You actually end up more confused! It’s like a picture. The more you zoom into the picture, the more fuzzy it gets! The best thing to do is just to again, allow the doubt and uncertainty to be there! It is so hard I know! It can cause you to feel so much guilt and frustration by doing this (trust me, I have been through this before!) But at the end of the day, we will never have 100% certainty about anything! We have to accept that and live with that! You can either accept uncertainty and carry on living your life based on your values! Or you can stay stuck in OCDs cycle by giving into compulsions! The choice is up to you! I know you are scared right now, and honestly, it is so scary having OCD! But just know you are so much MORE than your OCD! DO NOT let it win! Honestly, everything you have described, is textbook OCD! I honestly suggest you to get a consultation with NOCD and they will be able to help you out! 🙏🏽💫

@AaronB1111 hey, thank you so much for responding and all the advice, it really does mean a lot. What if the thoughts are like really really specific? Does that mean anything about me? I still feel like everything is a lie and that I need to do everything in front of people so I know for sure what my actions are. Also, recently I feel like I’ve been having compulsions. Like with numbers on the clock and also flipping coins. Is that even a real compulsion? I feel like I definitely have mental compulsions like reviewing events over and over again. Also sometimes I’ll review events that just happened like a minute ago or an hour ago. Like recent events, and I feel like I still can’t remember every detail and then I worry if I did something wrong in that time. I know mentally reviewing events is not a good idea, but even events that just happened? Is that normal? Sometimes also I’ll just randomly throw things away because I feel like they’re gross or I see gross images and then I worry that it might’ve actually happened. And like I feel like every time I’m happy or talking to other people I’m lying because I have this underlying feeling of anxiety about this and it just feels like things will never get better and it almost feels like I’m ruined forever. Like it sounds crazy but I just feel like I’ll never be able to go back or be as happy not knowing for sure if I actually did these things.

@leena445 also like the specific thoughts are physically disgusting, if that makes sense. Like it’s morally gross too, but more so physically disgusting if that actually happened. I wish I could say exactly what but I’m too scared.

@AaronB1111 Also to make things worse I’ve never seen my specific intrusive thought being talked about. Like I’ve heard of similar things in contamination ocd, but mine isn’t the typical germ type. I’m not afraid of that, I’m just afraid of gross things and being disgusting. I think this all started when I watched the news and then that reminded me of a comment online and then that sent me into a spiral. Now I just feel physically gross and like if what I’m seeing in my head is true, it would be so gross.

@leena445 Honestly, everything you have said in all your posts, I have experienced it all! The unwanted intrusive thoughts DO NOT mean anything! Look at it like this, the reason you are getting so upset and worried about your thoughts IS BECAUSE they go AGAINST your values and who you are!!!!! The fact that you are looking for reassurance by seeing if anyone else has had a ‘similar’ intrusive thought is a COMPULSION! You are trying to get rid of your anxiety which is only giving the OCD more and more power! I could bet you anything that loads of people have experienced very similar intrusive thoughts to you! The news and social media can also be a trigger for unwanted intrusive thoughts to pop up! If something seems upsetting or disturbing, it can cause unwanted intrusive thoughts to pop up. Having a thought DOES NOT mean anything about you! Thoughts are NOT facts! They are just words floating around in your mind. It’s important to know that you cannot control what thoughts pop into your mind, it is actually impossible. What you CAN control however, is how you respond to the thoughts. You can either stay trapped in the OCD cycle and keep worrying and fighting with the thoughts, OR, you can decide to just let the thoughts and feelings be there and naturally pass. Honestly, I would 100% recommend you to sign up with NOCD. I have been in the same situation as you before, and I used to spend hours looking for information online, but it DOES NOT help you in the slightest! All it does is give OCD more power! I know you got this!! 🫶🏾🙏🏽 You have been extremely brave so far, and I want you to get the best help you can so you can live your best life! Please sign up with NOCD to get the help you need 🙏🏽🫶🏾