Is it OCD?

@Garrett Maguire I’ve scheduled the 15-min call with NOCD, but I’m afraid I can’t book a therapist. My insurance would probably lower the cost of ERP, but I know for a fact that my parents wouldn’t let me get a therapist. Don’t get me wrong, my parents love me and support me, but I don’t think they understand the extent in which my “OCD” has become problem. They think it’s just a phase and can easily be fixed if I just tried harder. I’ll be off to college in less than two years, so I can get a therapist then. For the mean time, is there a way to do ERP without a therapist?

@jcai68 - Hey, you can definitely do ERP yourself but it will be harder and maybe not as effective. It is really beneficial to have someone trained in it to talk you through it and navigate it. If you can somehow convince your parents to let you, or if there’s a way you can do it without them knowing then you should try it! But if there’s no other way then you can definitely do it yourself and just do your best. If that’s the case and you would like some guidance you can message me :)

@Anon849 I do have a counselor, but I don’t really trust him. The physics class I’m in is called accelerated physics, and it’s my school’s first year running it. In previous years it only had AP physics 1 & 2 and regular physics, and the science department wanted to create an honors course for those that didn’t want to take AP. However, they failed spectacularly, and the accelerated course is worse than the AP (even the AP students feel bad for us). I went to my counselor to switch to AP, and he told me (and my parents) that accelerated would be a balance between regular and AP, the course would slow down while AP sped up, and that I would have no problem getting an A if I stayed. Well, my physics teacher explicitly said that accelerated covers 85% of the material in AP (in 2/3 of the class time and without a curve no less), that the curriculum will only speed up, and that he expects test averages to be between 72% and 82% (nowhere near an A). My counselor also mentioned that taking AP might be too much because I’m also in AP biology and he doesn’t want my mental health to suffer. Well, the reason I’m in AP bio is because I dropped multivariable, which is a much harder class. Funny how he had no problem letting me take AP physics 1 & 2 with multi last year when he was making the schedules… Basically he doesn’t give a crap about my mental health and just doesn’t want the science department to look bad for completely screwing up the accelerated curriculum. I think that I’ll talk to my physics teacher about letting me do the homework on paper. Right now, physics is the core of my problems, and my teacher seems chill, so I might as well give it a shot. As for booking a pediatrician appointment, I’m under my parents’ health insurance right now, so I don’t know how I would go about doing that. Thank you so much for the help though!

@Ifiknewthen It definitely did not start all at once. The need to things in certain way and amount of time started in October. It started with my morning routine and then expanded to almost every aspect of my life. I don’t know if this is a coincidence, but around that time, I was really anxious about public speaking. I have a speech disfluency and had completely embarrassed myself during an English presentation one week before the first signs of OCD. The having to keep both sides of my body symmetrical started two months later in December and then rapidly spread to other things and surfaces. I don’t know exactly when the need to have good handwriting surfaced, but it was definitely during the second half of the school year. First semester, I actually did well in trigonometry, and handwriting wasn’t really an issue. I also have social anxiety, and maybe my OCD is connected to that. Thanks for commenting though! Hope that clarified things!

@jcai68 I had similar perfectionism ocd as far back as i can remember. Im male and they say it tends to start earlier in males than females. At least thats the current statistics. I always had the perfectionism/just right ocd very bad. Very severe case but they didnt know as much about ocd when i was your age. Im 44. I was taken to people but never diagnosed. If you go to a doctor, they will most likely want to try medication if you arent on it already. But i would take great caution with medication. I would try to get with the best ocd specialist you can and engage in erp/cbt therapy before medication. And give therapy time and really work hard in following your therapists instructions. You really have to break yourself of this perfectionism/just right behavior because it can really interfere with life.

@jcai68 I used to have to do all kinds of weird crap. Like rewrite my name on a test over and over again to get it perfect. Erase a bubble over and over again to get it perfect. I was a smart kid and it greatly interfered with my academic and athletic progress. Shoe strings would have to he tied perfectly/symmetrical. Have to have my homework done before i got off the bus. I mean it was bad. I was obsessed about being perfect in sports. If i got injured somehow and couldnt play it would cause me great anxiety. Youre lucky to have the treatment and greater ocd awareness available to you. Take advantage of it.

@Ifiknewthen Oh I feel that. Usually, I circle my answers on multiple choice tests and transfer to the bubble sheet later. Having to erase the bubbles until they’re filled in perfectly is problematic to some degree, but the real challenge for me is circling the answers. I always have to make each circle perfect, make sure they’re all the same size, etc. Most of the time, the cause of bad grades for me isn’t not knowing the material but not being able to finish on time. I also struggled to tie laces because I’m too concerned with making sure they’re flat. I HATE it when laces get twisted. I avoid wearing high tops and lace-up boots because putting them on takes me like ten minutes. I noticed that you used the phrasing “used to”, and if you don’t mind sharing, how did were you able to overcome these compulsions? Also, was there a reason for your behaviors? I read somewhere that OCD is defined by intrusive thoughts and fears, but I can’t really say what drives me to act the way I do. I know I’m overly concerned with how others see me and scared of being judged, but usually, people perform compulsions because they fear that something bad will happen to them or those that they love. I don’t know if I have OCD or if my social anxiety has simply peaked

@jcai68 Once i left school, which it took much longer to graduate bc of the ocd, it just faded away because i no longer had to do any school work or routine. See the thing with me is i was never properly diagnosed with ocd. My primary care doc just started giving me antidepressant for depression. This was in 2000. Stone age for ocd understanding and diagnosis. I went years before any antidepressant medication. Many children are prescribed antidepressants today for ocd. And they say it requires a higher dose of ssri than depression and other anxiety disorders. And they say many times the best treatment is ssri and erp therapy combo. Many of the behaviors and compulsions you describe are similar to mine. I would have to read a line in a book over and over again til i got it just right. Or a paragraph over and over. Or close a door over and over. I was embarrassed to bring it up to a doctor. Is it fear based? I would imagine so. Fear of failure. Fear of not being the best. But nothing was causing it. I had good parents. It wasnt perfect but by no means was i afraid of punishment if i didnt do well. I had an older brother who was the opposite lol. I was just born with this desire to be the best at everything. Perfectionism. Like being born with blonde hair and blue eyes. My opinion is its most likely genetic. I think i inherited it from my dad. But you CANT live your life like that. You have to go to your doctor and ask for help. Just tell them everything you say on here and they will guide you to proper help.

@Nica I’ve already told my parents about this, but they don’t think it’s severe enough to warrant a diagnosis. I’ll look into the Nathan Peterson though, tysm!