What caused these thoughts

My ocd really got bad at 15 too. That’s when I first noticed it picking up. You don’t need to have all the answers as to why many times I am horrified by myself too and even at times hate myself for some of the things I think and do. But that is not us, ocd is not who we are. You will find ways to manage this, I am now in college and some days are better than others but it has definitely gotten better than how it was when I was 15. Therapy can help though I also understand the thoughts can be unbearable. You are not alone and you will get through this. 💕

I know how it feels but trust me you’re going to get better. Even if it takes months or even years, you’ll be okay.

Officially, nobody knows for sure, but I have a personal theory that many people find reasonable. As you might be aware, our brains continuously record everything happening around us, 24/7. Think of it like having a "memory maid" who constantly tidies up your mental space. This memory maid is responsible for regularly recycling memory space because our memory capacity is limited. She works by reviewing stored memories, opening them up, and discarding those deemed insignificant. However, if a memory is related to your core values or something important to you, like family, faith, or morals, she brings it to your conscious awareness for consideration. For most people, they do not react strongly to these memories, allowing them to be discarded. However, someone with OCD might fixate on the content of the memory. In an attempt to assist in decision-making, the brain presents "what if" scenarios, which can increase confusion and trigger anxiety. Typically, this emotional reaction occurs because the person feels responsible for recalling these memories. Unfortunately, this cycle perpetuates and distress escalates. Often, the individual resorts to compulsions to alleviate these feelings, further fueling the emotional turmoil. I hope this explanation makes sense.