False attraction(pls help)!

@milly.909 It’s my birthday today and 10 months ago I started feeling uncomfortable around my friend cus I was having very disturbing and unwanted sexual thoughts abt them it made me feel physically ill to be around him to the point where I started getting high whenever I had class with him and I started avoiding him and now I feel super guilty for doing that because I think he thinks I’m mad at him or hate him but I don’t and he hasn’t said happy birthday yet and now I’m scared this means that I like him because I wanted him to say happy birthday I’m trying not to let it ruin my day but I feel so guilty

@suspectedocd3!!R happy birthday!! don't feel guilty, it's so normal to expect/wait for a happy birthday! remember true attraction makes you feel happy and excited to be around that person, it's makes you feel positive and you'll know when you truly find someone attractive. false attraction is so difficult though because it can mimic your body's reactions so easily like increased heart rate, being nervous, staring. but remember if your feeling negative, even to the point you feel sick it's not true attraction. try your best to just sit with the thiugh and even reply with "maybe, maybe not". i'm still struggling with this myself, but remember i've only has the power to control you if you let it, so maybe dint avoid him and try talking to someone. you got this!!

@milly.909 Thank u do you think maybe I should try to talk to him because I feel like it would clear things up cus I think he’s mad at me but I don’t want my brain to mistake it as me wanting to just text him

@suspectedocd3!!R i would clear things up and see how he's feeling. but don't feel the need to share your intrusive thoughts / ocd with him just because you think it'll help. take your time, you got this!

@milly.909 Thank u

@milly.909 hey! im replying to your thread because im extremely confused, ive been having false attraction towards this dude, and i did avoidance and absolutely everything, and well basically recently, thr anxiety whrn i see him has started to go away and tell me im attracted to him, but i still ruminate? but i dont get the anxiety or whatever. and idk what it is? or why. but its not as bad? and i feel like im started to find him genuinely good looking, but at the same time im like no, and in fear of finding him good looking and the idea of literally saying “maybe i am, maybe im not” is giving me anxiety and my mind will be like “imma leave my boyfriend and be with him” it gives me anxiety also..???

@vasqueztim Well right now I feel kinda bad, I made a joke to my best friend about a girl I like and I think she got annoyed she replied with “it’s too early for this shit” and now I’m spiraling a bit because I feel like she takes me as a joke like there’s no point of me having a crush on this girl because it won’t go anywhere and she wouldn’t be wrong I have this fear of ending up alone because of my looks and tht made it spiral a bit but other than that I’m ok