HELP

harm ocd is the bane of my existence. people always tell me that if you have anxiety over a thought, that’s ocd. and these intrusive thoughts cause me IMMENSE anxiety. i’m constantly looking for reasons why i’m not what these thoughts tell me i am. but WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?? it’s like i can’t reassure myself that this isn’t me and i don’t want to do it, but i also look for reasons why it’s not me. my brain is constantly telling me “if you don’t act on this, you’ll never feel free”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?? and why does it feel real?? anytime i think about getting therapy, i constantly think that it’s not going to help me positively but help me realize i am this person. i just wish someone with harm ocd could get into my brain, understand me, and tell me everything will be okay. i wish someone in recovery could tell me that they’ve been where i am, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, and got through it when they thought they wouldn’t. i feel like i’m drowning in it. another thing is i think about how my mom knows a surface level understanding to this form of my ocd, but if she knew it all, i’m scared she’d never look at me the same. i’m scared she’d be scared of me and think i need psychiatric help. IM TERRIFIED.

i’m back in a cycle of having harm related OCD thoughts and feelings and urges and i get these episodes where it’s like i’m disassociating and feel like i’m about to snap and go crazy violent. does anyone else experience this? i need help

there’s currently tension between the members of my family and it’s not only making me stressed, but it’s giving me really bad anxiety. the situation that’s happening is the byproduct of feelings being held in for years on end finally coming out. the situation doesn’t really have to do with me directly but more indirectly. it’s more so between my brother and my mom. and i’m really close with both. i also am home when i’m not at college. anyways, the issue is my harm ocd is latching onto it. lately, if i don’t like someone’s personality or they do something wrong, my harm ocd will latch onto that. this situation it happens to be my mom. but it’s also been my mom for a little bit now because she has faults that she refuses to acknowledge. my ocd is making me believe i hate my mom and so on. and i don’t hate my mom, but there are times where i really dislike her and how she handles situations, like this one. but i hate being at college more than i would hate to go home and i always love being home. it’s just this situation is making my harm ocd not great, making me not want to go home. furthermore, my contamination ocd gets triggered because of my harm ocd as i get nauseous so then i spiral. anyways, i apologize for rambling but i just need either some words of advice or support if anyone wouldn’t mind :)