I’m afraid… so very afraid.

Take some deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose for five seconds, hold for five seconds, and then release slowly out your mouth. Repeat this. Ground yourself in the present. Name five things you can see, hear, feel, etc. You’re safe. Anxiety and thoughts cannot hurt you. I understand being afraid of your own feelings and what the future might hold. It can be very scary for someone who has OCD. I don’t want to provide reassurance, but it’s important to remember that feelings aren’t facts - they’re just feelings, same with thoughts. We don’t know what the future holds, and every person on this planet lives in uncertainty each day. So to these thoughts, just say “okay, cool” or “maybe, maybe not,” and move on with your day. No amount of analysis of your thoughts or checking how you feel is going to change anything. OCD does not respond to logic or common sense. Also in regards to what else you wrote: 1. Falling in love with someone younger than you is not pedophilia. Pedophilia is the attraction to prepubescent children, so under the age of 12. Age gaps do not equal pedophilia. 2. Being attracted to a fictional character is by no means the same as a real life child. It’s fiction. They have no real feelings you can take advantage of or even hurt them, because they’re not real. This is the same argument that if someone enjoys shooting games that means they’re a violent person and actually want to commit crimes. If you don’t already have a therapist, please seek out one. Have you told your parents or a trusted adult about your thoughts and your feelings? I understand it can be difficult and embarrassing, but it’s obvious you’re dealing with a lot of anxiety right now and you need to seek help from a mental health professional if you aren’t already doing so. As you can see from just this community alone, there are thousands of others just like you who suffer from the same thing and many will recover. You will overcome this, but you have to learn to sit with the anxiety and uncertainty.

What if I am a monster what if I’m in denial….