OCD and Past Pictures

When I was in college I would exchange inappropriate pictures with dating app matches online. In the year or two since I’ve matured a lot and am ashamed of that behavior. I’ve also developed stronger OCD which causes me to ruminate and make more of past actions than what they might have been. I recently got my dream job, and one of my fears is being cancelled. Another thing that scares me are those past pictures coming back to bite me or make me look bad. I also have started having false memories associated with my ruminations. In this case I’m worried that another person might not have wanted said pictures although I can’t really remember that ever happening. Am I putting too much thought into this? Do other people struggle with these same thoughts? Any advice would be helpful.

clancyisded

Date posted: 41w

Getting canceled was my worst fear for awhile. I used to be an up and coming artist in my local scene. Someone falsely accused me of something and then I went through a cancelation. It all blew over and the truth came out and my name was cleared, but a lot of the damage had already been done. I look back at it now and am grateful for it. My worst case happened and 1. I survived it 2. It wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. It opened my eyes to how toxic the music scene was and I'm grateful I was pushed out of it. Now my music and art has brought me more joy and contentment as I am no longer doing it to 'make it' or 'perform it'. Also I met my best friend in the world as a result of it (long story) and now we are roommates. All that to say, sometimes the worst case does happen and if it does, it rarely as bad as you think it will be. I lived and my life is better now. We can't control anything that happens in life but learning to accept that anything can happen is the best way through it. I have a new OCD theme now but I try to look at how I got through my past one to help me see that I could go through my new worst case fear and survive that too. You are going to be okay

NewHere

Date posted: 41w

@clancyisded Thank you! A lot of my main themes trail back to a fear of cancellation. The more successful I am at my job, the more known I’ll end up being and that honestly scares me and woke a lot of these OCD symptoms up out of nowhere in the last few months. I’ve made mistakes in my life, some worse than what I’m talking about here. I acknowledged those mistakes and solved them through therapy but I’m still scared just because I feel society doesn’t care about growth anymore. Do you think I did anything terribly wrong in this situation or am I just overthinking it too much? I appreciate you sharing your story.

clancyisded

Date posted: 41w

@NewHere You'll find with OCD that reassurance won't help and only gives temporary comfort. 99 people could tell you that your fine but you'll focus on the 1 that doesn't. To answer your question - I think your fine. I've done bad things in my past and I have OCD about it too. The fact your even asking if it's bad or not proved that you have a moral code and you're doing better. The world is going to view you however it will regardless of cancelation or not and that's just a reality to try and accept. People see things black and white unfortunately but those with empathy can see that life has a lot of grey.

Anonymous

Date posted: 41w

I had the same exact fear that you are having it was my first and the most prominent theme , i suffered for 2 years over it, and I didn't even know that I have OCD at that time i thought that I am so scared because I ought to be scared and not because something is wrong with my brain. What helped me stop ruminating about it was that I was so scared for that 2 years that by the end of it I sort of gave up. I told myself that it is what it is and sort of i guess accepted it. But the anxiety and fear do come back from time to time. If there is one thing that I would like to tell you is that it much scarier in your head and over time you will find acceptance too.

NewHere

Date posted: 41w

@Anonymous Over the cancellation fear or the pictures?

Anonymous

Date posted: 41w

@NewHere Pictures mainly, my fear was mostly disappointing my family and ruining my life ,cancellation in a way too because I thought I would never get a job or no one will date me etc and I live in a third world country too so...

🌟✨️

Date posted: 24w

Online footprint,and ocd

Very brief mentions of pocd and nsfw jokes,id like this to be adults only . Repost bc i had to edit something Does anyone have experience with real event ocd attached to your online footprint etc? I keep checking old messages,trying to find old people i knew i used to talk to etc. To find out every problematic thing I did and if I've ever been unfollowed or blocked by anyone I used to be friends w online/atleast on good terms w. I am particularly concerned abt doing something bigoted,esp racist bc i have racism ocd,and doing something predatory bc of my pocd. I remember hanging around people who could use 'edgy' or offensive humour in my teens and i remember a lot of sex jokes and that i would join in on sex jokes sometimes . i dont remember details w the offensive humour as much,i feel like i didnt join in on it as much but i was definitely WAY passive abt things and prob let a lot of bad stuff slide i shouldnt have bc i didn't speak up it was wrong,I remember one friend in an online community would say slurs and horrible jokes when i was 16. I dont remember my response to it as much but i feel i didnt speak up abt it aside one time i found in the dms where he made a bad joke on a thing i shared for social justice. I cant stop going thru old messages and stuff or trying to find ppl from the past. I feel like if I don't check it now,that eventually it'll come to haunt me or that I'll stumble across it eventually. I worry what if someone messaged me on one of these apps I un-installed or on one of the accounts I don't have access to,confronting me abt all this stuff I did. I had an obsession w this back in 2020 and did check in depth on all my accounts,but now that it's been 4 years the obsession is back in full swing.

SunnyAnon

Date posted: 23w

dealing with OCD flashbacks 18+

i currently am getting over my period and have been having a horrible flashbacks from some real events. it’s a amalgamation of all of the horrible things i did as a child/young teenager. all of it associated with p0rnography + sexual activities i did. i was exposed to sexual activity very young and it lead me down a dark path. i’ve had OCD forever it seems. it’s hard because i can see that i’ve had OCD symptoms since childhood but i constantly doubt wether or not my actions where because of OCD or something i genuinely wanted/was attracted to. i can’t seem to differentiate the two and it’s scaring me. i’m worried i was genuinely into the kind of stuff and it’s constantly flashing in my mind the last two days of things i compulsively did years ago. to be absolutely clear it has been years since i’ve even thought about those taboo things or saw anything of that sort. i’m talking 5 or 6 years give or take. it still feels like yesterday. in recent years i’ve completely pulled away from p0rn and now find it and s3x a lot less appealing. but every so often i get these intense flashbacks on things i did or saw or thought and it puts everything on hold. everything im interested in gets but on the back burner in fear of my intrusive thoughts being thrown into the mix. currently experiencing that now. im mortified of ruining everything i love because of these stupid thoughts. does anyone have any advice or experience with this specifically and have any tips???

🧡🍁🎃

Date posted: 23w

False memory ocd

Hey everyone, I’m still struggling a bit with false memory ocd. Mine revolves around my relationship. There are some things I have remembered that occurred early on in the relationship, whether someone texted me on Snapchat or TikTok etc. and it was old friends of mine from a friend group. In the friend group it was me and about couple guys and girls. I remember there being an instance where one of the guys had messaged me on Snapchat after I had posted something about a tv show or I had posted a picture of me and my mom and they reached out to me saying something and I honestly can’t remember at all what they had said to me but I’m pretty sure i remember I responded with “Lol” or “Thank you” , and I think the reason I’m really struggling right now is that I can’t remember hardly anything about the text at all. And of course, my ocd is trying to convince me that it was either a flirty chat, or something else. I also want to mention that I unadded a lot of people off my snap, mostly guys on TikTok etc after dating my boyfriend because I felt like that was respectful. And even after doing that, my OCD was trying to convince me that I un added them because I was hiding something or I was on adding them because I didn’t want my boyfriend to see that they were on my Snapchat, which was not the case at all. I think I’m just really struggling because I think about past events that have happened in my mind is trying to convince me that something else happened, rather than allowing me to remember what actually went on. I just wanted to come on here and ask if anyone else struggles with something like this because it’s been really bothering me the past couple days and I know I would never do anything to hurt my boyfriend because I love him so much it’s just I freak out constantly, and it bothers me a lot.

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OCD and Past Pictures

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