- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I don't think that fearing losing them is part of OCD. It is a normal feeling when you love a person, but if you are obssessing about your partner talking to others and loving somebody else and stuff, that is ROCD acting too. Try to look for Awaken Into Love, I think they have a post talking about 2 types of ROCD
- Date posted
- 5y
You're right! This is more than a normal fear, it's just stressing me so so much that I'm having an obsessive behavior about it. Like it's impacting my everyday life and a few month later the fear of "what if I'm not in love anymore" arrive. Now I got both of them, even if it's contradictory. I'll look at the video of Awaken Into Love as quickly as possible! Thank you again
- Date posted
- 5y
I guess it is normal. There are 2 types of ROCD. Currently Im dealing with "Maybe I don' love him"and sometimes I get thoughts telling me that he is tired of me and doesn't love anymore without any proof. However I dont obssess about them as I have with the doubts about if I love him or not
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so much to both of you! It's just that the thoughts seems so true sometime that I don't know what to think. I was wondering a lot if the fact that I'm afraid to lose my boyfriend, and afraid of not loving him anymore at the same time is ROCD? Because I see a lot of people talking about the fear of not being in love with your partner, but not a lot about the fear of your partner falling out of love
- Date posted
- 5y
@Olympea You being afraid your partner doesn't love you means you care so much about him. Also if this helps, I have read cases of ROCD where people are afraid there partner doesn't love them. If you haven't already, try talking to your partner about it. I felt better when my girlfriend actually knew what was going on in my head. Also sorry if I have punctuation errors. Im terrible for that when im typing on my phone.
- Date posted
- 5y
@LoganJefford Don't worry for punctuations errors I'm not an English native speaker! And yes I already talk about this with him and he was so understanding and kind. He always reassure me and I know that my fear probably came from nowhere but it's still here, or it turns into "what if I'm not in love anymore" sometimes. It's veery weird
- Date posted
- 5y
ROCD is an annoying subset of OCD. I have it and I too get thoughts like "what if I don't love her". That annoying voice in your head will always try to find the next best thing to stress you out if you start to gain control of a thought. But, remember these thoughts do not mean they are true. It may feel real but if someone truly wanted to end the relationship with their significant other. They would do it without any obsessive thoughts. In conclusion, you care about your partner, you love them and they love you.
- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
And I understand, Ive been dealing with this since March and it has been hell. My thought have been about me not loving him or loving him only as a friend
- Date posted
- 5y
I understand you so much this is so hard to deal with!
- Date posted
- 5y
I agree with @xMariax, ROCD latches on the fear of abandonment. For instance, I used to think my husband (boyfriend at a time) will leave me. It was crazy but at least I knew that I didn’t want him to go, so I felt sane. However, after the wedding and his not leaving me and insisting the he loves me for a few years, I think I was forced to acknowledge that I am safe with this relationship. But now I’m so hooked on being scared of abandonment that now I fear that something from within me will ruin everything.
- Date posted
- 5y
I just made a post about this too sort of it’s so hard to figure it out. Do you feel like you love him or do you feel like you don’t? Or is it confusing? Ugh this struggle is so hard
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 22w
no clue if this is compulsive, but I’m interested to hear any obsessions others have that aren’t the “common” ones you see online about what ROCD is? a few for me: - thoughts about their partner being with someone else instead (sometimes a specific person) and then trying to analyze your reaction to it? e.g. does it *feel* more right than us, do I actually feel happy for them, etc. - trying to imagine your partner in your current situation or maybe a specific future situation (when they’re not around) and trying to decide if they “fit” in it? - being super scared of losing them, then suddenly feeling like you don’t care much for them at all, and just constantly cycling? - I almost never fully enjoyed sex because I was constantly obsessing about whether or not I was turned on, turned on “enough,” if I was just having groinal responses and wasn’t actually turned on, looking at his face just to decide if I find him attractive enough, comparing my experience with how I feel watching content alone, etc.
- Date posted
- 17w
I don’t understand why I don’t feel happy, why my mind keeps making me think so negatively about him. Nothing makes me feel joy anymore. I keep thinking that he’s stupid, that I don’t like him, and when he speaks kindly to me, I feel nothing. The worst part is that I feel completely numb, like I have no emotions at all. And that makes me think that maybe I really don’t like him, that I will eventually reach a point where I realize my worst fear is true. I keep fighting with him because of my attitude. I treat him badly, and I know it’s because of my thoughts. I can’t see the good in anything. Today, he told me that I would be better off without him because I always seem so sad. He moved to my city for university just to be with me, and instead of making his life better, I feel like I’m making it worse. The thoughts don’t stop, even when I’m with him. I see people posting about how they feel calm when they’re with their partners, but I don’t. I can’t look at him without having intrusive thoughts, and I can’t even kiss him. Today, he told me that he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, that I treat him poorly. I am constantly afraid because I feel nothing when he says things to me, because I don’t feel like I care. When I look at pictures of us from when I was in a better place, I feel like I was a completely different person. I start thinking that I’ve “matured” and that’s why I don’t feel anything anymore—like maybe I only liked him because I was young and naïve. Everything he does and says irritates me, but he loves me. What if I’m only with him because I don’t want to hurt him? What if I’m just used to him? I feel scared all the time. I don’t understand what’s happening. He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place . He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place
- Date posted
- 15w
Lately, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from my boyfriend, and I don’t understand why. When I look at him, it feels like I’m looking at a stranger, and my mind keeps telling me that I don’t like him, that I never really loved him, or that I was just attached and comfortable. It feels real, and that terrifies me. I know logically that ROCD makes me overanalyze every little feeling, but it doesn’t make this any easier. I keep waiting to feel something—love, excitement, even relief—but instead, I just feel numb and distant. When we talk, I feel weird. When he kisses me, I don’t feel much. I keep thinking, ‘If I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?’ And the fact that I don’t just fuels my anxiety even more. It scares me that I can’t remember how I felt before ROCD took over. I look at old pictures, and my brain tells me, ‘That wasn’t real, you were just excited to have a relationship.’ And because I can’t access those feelings right now, it makes me doubt everything even more. I also feel guilty because my boyfriend is so loving and patient, but I feel like I’m hurting him. He tells me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and I hate that I can’t just snap out of this and be the way I was before. It’s exhausting. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I keep checking how I feel every second, and it just makes me feel worse. I know that’s a compulsion, but it’s so hard to stop. I keep searching for certainty, but no answer satisfies me. Even when I try to accept the uncertainty, my mind screams, ‘But what if you don’t love him? What if you’re just lying to yourself?’ I want to be present with him. I want to feel love naturally again. But I don’t know how to get there, and it’s terrifying.”
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