A little help is needed

So I wanted to clarify . I’m only 18 and I’m almost 19 , I have recently discovered that my ocd might be latching big time to my relationship and I have had weird thoughts and feelings and it just makes me anxious and scared or sometimes even guilty and disgusted. It started off as intrusive dreams and ever since I got into uni some days when I’m stressed if I had noticed something about any of my college mates my thoughts would like take me on a scenario what if that person was my significant other. And it’s very uncomfortable. It’s not like the thoughts are intimate or anything but it genuinely makes me uncomfortable and guilty and it makes me spiral. Today one of my friendly colleagues did a cute gesture by blowing a kiss to me when he knew I was sick and having a hard time and he’s a very friendly person overall Yk but I have no interest in him in such ways yet my mind took the action or gesture he did and was like “what if he’s my S/O” because he’s just so sweet and caring .. I don’t think of him more than a brother .. I wanted to clarify does anyone get similar thoughts that make them spiral ? And then when I was with my partner on the call I actually was completely eased up and relaxed and felt like the weight of the world lifted and I know deep down I love and admire this guy to unnatural levels but why is it that such things do happen? … I’d really love if someone comforted me or consoled me and directed me as to why this happens or if it’s actually ROCD and common , thank you.

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 40w

It may be helpful to understand how intrusive thoughts work and why they're so difficult to deal with. The brain produces thousands and thousands of thoughts per day. They arise due to countless conditions beyond our control, and are simply the result of the brain attempting to process information and make sense of the world around it. The vast majority of these thoughts go unnoticed because we don't care about them. Sometimes these thoughts will be about something we care deeply about, in which case we tend to focus on them. If they happen to be distressing thoughts, we tend to resist them and want them to go away. The problem is, whenever you try to make a thought go away or over-analyze it, you increase its perceived importance. This has the paradoxical effect of causing the thought to arise more often. These are the thoughts that we refer to as "intrusive." That's why the thoughts that tend to loop over-and-over in your head are ones that you don't want. I'm willing to bet that a thought like, "it's nice out today," has never repeated in your head to the point of being intrusive. But if for some strange reason you were worried about being the "kind of person" who likes nice weather, that thought likely WOULD be intrusive, because you'd want to get rid of it. With all of that in mind, the way to move past this is NOT to convince yourself that you love your boyfriend and don't want to be with anyone else. While that seems like the logical approach, it will only reinforce these thoughts. What you need to do is train yourself to not give into these thoughts by over-analyzing what they "mean" about you. This is something that ERP training is very effective for. In it, you learn to allow the thoughts to be there, and the anxiety that surrounds them, and actively choose not to compulsively try to get rid of them (in your case, you would prevent yourself from ruminating about what they mean and checking whether or not you want someone else to be your boyfriend), until the anxiety naturally subsides on its own. Hope some of this helps.

Jae18

Date posted: 40w

@djflorio Omg this was actually very helpful and comforting to actually understand. It just can be very tricky to deal with these thoughts and specially the mental compulsions like I think sometimes I might be unaware I am doing a compulsion how ever are there any tips you can provide ? I can not reach out to a therapist and financially I’m not that well off , my family also doesn’t quite understand OCD so it can be hard to do so . I’d really appreciate it if you could share any tips from your experience with ERP.

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 40w

@Jae18 - @Jae18 - Glad it was helpful! There are some really helpful resources online that can help you understand ERP. Check out the YouTube channel, "OCD and Anxiety" with Nathan Peterson. He has a lot of short videos about many different OCD themes, and is good at explaining the do's and don'ts in a friendly way. Mental compulsions are definitely the trickiest ones to spot. When it comes to relationships, some common compulsions might include: - Checking if you're physically attracted to someone who isn't your partner. - Checking if you're physically attracted to your partner. - Repeatedly reviewing a conversation you had with someone who isn't your partner. - Repeatedly reviewing a conversation you had with your partner. - Comparing your relationship to others. - Avoiding people who you find attractive (and aren't your partner). Generally speaking, a compulsion is something you do where, if you were to stop doing it, you would feel a spike in anxiety. So if you find yourself lost in thought about your relationship, try to purposefully distract yourself with another topic, and notice if your anxiety rises. That's a good sign that something you're doing is a compulsion. My number one tip would be to start practicing the "maybe, maybe not" response. If you find yourself questioning if you want to be with someone else, try your best to say, "maybe I do, maybe I don't," and disengage with the thought by focusing on something else. This will likely be very difficult at first, and might make you feel more anxious and even irresponsible, but that's a good sign. That means that you are starting to go against your usual compulsive patterns. The idea here is to surrender to the uncertainty, and to not try to figure anything out. Over time this will train your mind to not fixate on those thoughts so much. I would also learn about the basics of mindfulness and meditation. Mindfulness trains you to live in the present moment and to get more in touch with your feelings and emotions. That's an incredibly powerful tool for overcoming the OCD cycle, which is powered by overly-logical thinking. Hope this helps and happy to discuss further!

Jae18

Date posted: 40w

@djflorio Ong thank you loads , I can already feel the anxiety just thinking about using the maybe , maybe not statement. But you’re right I’ll definitely push through. Thank you loads once again 💜💜

nessy

Date posted: 24w

Flirted by a stranger, causing ROCD flare up.

I’ve been with my partner for about 7 years. I thought I was over the ROCD for a while. But I’ve been under a lot of stress. I’m moving in with him next week, but I lost my job due to severe anxiety and depression affecting my job. (I hated working there) It’s been stressful trying to find another job while moving and I’ve noticed I would occasionally get intrusive thoughts, but I managed to ignore them, especially with the help of medication. However just today I went shopping for groceries and this stranger asked for my number and called me cute. I can’t lie it was flattering but I rejected him and confirmed I had a partner and it was serious. He was very friendly about it and I went home. But now I’m getting these intrusive thoughts like “You want him instead of your partner.” “You’d rather be with him.” “You felt flattered so you want to be in a relationship with him instead and cheat on your partner or break up with your partner.” It’s been so hard since coming back home because while I was flattered, my brain keeps thinking I’ve cheated for some reason or want to cheat or break up with my partner. For reference, I’m demisexual which means I don’t have any attraction until I develop a strong emotional connection with someone. So I wasn’t attracted to this stranger but I keep thinking I am? I really hate this because I love my partner so much and I thought I was over all of this. Any advice when a flare up like this happens? I assume it’s a flare up because I hate how real it feels, it makes me feel sick with anxiety.

Talia_Rae

Date posted: 16w

ROCD

I am at the point where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and have a really hard time explaining my thoughts and feelings. The thought that no one may ever be able to help me or understand me is blazing constant in my head. I don’t know if I will truly ever be happy, the dissatisfaction I have in my life is beyond words and I try to be happy but my mind is so toxic and ungrateful. I feel that I may never understand myself. Have been dealing with extreme intrusive thoughts in regards to my relationship, if my partner is for me, if I am the reason problems come up in my relationship, if I am overly sensitive causing arguments etc. I will have constant thoughts about other people in my head although I have a partner. A hyperactive imagination of others if you will or specific individuals in my life. I have a severely low sex drive. I have also noticed recently that my partner will say things that I don’t like but can’t tell if he’s the problem or if i’m the problem. If I like my partner anymore or if I don’t, can I see him in my future or not. When I am with him I enjoy being with him but there is always a thought in the back of my head of do I just like being around him as a friend because I am lonely or if I truly love them. It’s to the point where I question leaving them or not. My only issue is that I don’t want to leave but at the same time I have trouble feeling emotionally and sexually connected. I even pick at physical imperfections that they may have which to my true beliefs does not matter I will love them otherwise. We recently have been arguing a lot and I can’t tell if I am the problem or he is but it causes me a lot of stress because I feel misunderstood and feel like he wouldn’t understand me unless he was me. It can be hard explaining OCD to him because he is one of those people who loves to self help almost like a life coach, explains to me that anxiety doesn’t exist and that I can help myself or stuff along those lines. It hurts so bad because he doesn’t understand how hard it is for someone with OCD and how him saying things like that only makes it worse and makes me want to turn away from him in a way. I want to feel like I can talk to my partner and that I know for a fact is my true belief. I pray that God will heal me of this terrible disease. I feel I have turned away from the Lord so much because of how alone and misunderstood I feel with what feels like no change. When I’m in public I’ll look at a guy and feel as though because they looked at me back they will think I like them or that I may be interested even though i’m not. I obsess in my head sometimes about real people I know that are kit my partner and have just learned to accept that but it’s still disheartening to me. I understand the concept of being with a partner and still finding other people attractive without obviously doing anything about it and I try to remind myself of that. Please someone tell me this is OCD because the thought of it not is sickening. Another thing I do is compare myself to other girls my age almost that if i’m not as pretty as them im not pretty at all. To whom ever reads this please be very mindful of how you respond because I am triggered very easily. But I am so so lost.

hodgyb

Date posted: 19d

New to ROCD (thoughts, advice?)

I’ve dealt with ocd themes for as long as I can remember, POCD, HOCD, false memory, the feelings of having to confess something, washing certain body parts a specific amount of times, all of it I am still pretty young and I just got into my first relationship. I always knew ROCD existed I just never had the chance to have an experience with it 😭 and here I am. I really do think I have an anxious attachment style. But it’s also like I constantly worry if I’m too much or if i should not be in a relationship or if I rlly love my partner like I tell him. I am sensitive and very communicative so when things bother me I like to communicate them but then I worry that I do too much or I worry that it isn’t normal to find this many things wrong so early in a relationship. I also worry if he doesn’t like me or if he Will get tired of me, but those thoughts are easier to get by. The hard thoughts r the ones where I doubt my feelings for him. My mind feels like a MESS! And it’s harder because we only see eachother once a week. This may be heaven compared to other ppl who struggle with real long distance but for me the time in between gives me a lot of time to nitpick things that aren’t even real problems and create a sense of a toxic relationship that isn’t even real! The only times where I feel like maybe it’s all in my head are when. I see him and the days after, but when it gets long it gets rlly hard. I rlly do love him and he gives me reassurance when needed but I can’t help but focus on the negatives when little things bother me, especially when we are apart from eachother and jsut texting. Texting is hard because then there is the obsession over waiting to see how long he will take, not knowing the tone of texts, and being able to over analyze every conversation we’ve had. I also do mental checks to help me reassure myself that I love him 😭 like when’s the last time he made me laugh, what are some nice things he’s done that I rlly liked, and jsut trying to actively acknowledge everything he’s done so I can stop panicking abt the fear that I don’t love him. It’s literally only been 2 months of us dating so the fact my ocd is so early onset annoys me so bad because I rlly do feel like I am still in the crucial stages of a relationship where we are learning how to love eachother, so there should be some ups and downs and minor arguments while we get over this phase… but I can’t help but wonder what if these little things just mean I hate him? It’s extreme but I worry and the reels and tik toks I see about people realizing they don’t love their partner make it all bad!

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