Is this rocd or am i scared to accept the truth?

Anyone with rocd here? Pls help me pls… so i have just gotten into a relationship(my first) and i have struggled with different themes of ocd over the last 5 years or more now and i am now maybe struggling with this and i need help so… all i can think about is how even people telling me its rocd if i give them my concern and also like i am not even searching for rocd videos to give reassurance like it doesnt even cross my mind cause if it was true ocd i would be but now i am not so and this me writing here is just being scared and a coping mechanism and habit of 5 years and i know so cause i feel so while writing so if nothing gives reassurance its not rocd and actually i dont love him and just dont feel same and just am numb and dissociated with him? Nothing of rocd gives reassurance cause actually not love wver and not even seeing or agreeing to rocd doesn’t reassure and even while writing rn so no love and is true cause it feels so strongly that there is no love and like people say the KNOW they love their partner its just doubts mine its not even that i know i dont? And if not anxious and it is not ocd i am just not accepting right? Pls help me i would be grateful…

Evie._Vee

Date posted: 40w

Hey! New comer here, I’m not sure if I have rocd but maybe my experience can help Whenever I get into a relationship or even if the relationship in general starts having tension in it (good or bad) in the back of my mind I’m always worried that maybe something I did, I did wrong or maybe they don’t actually care and I have to try harder so they don’t discard me. But in another sense sometimes I feel dissociated from the ones of love. Though I know I love them, when I look at them or talk to them I can’t feel that warmth that one should feel, and when I do it’s a fleeting feeling and I can’t really control when it comes or goes, but it leaves me restless afterwards because it seems as if I’m missing something important. I’ve been in a previous relationship before and in the beginning I was absolutely obsessed with him but after the honey moon stage I couldn’t feel that ZING! Anymore, I really thought I didn’t love or like him anymore, and it was terrifying. So I can understand on that sense of “but I’m with him, so don’t I love him?” Love works differently for everyone, and it isn’t always easy to spot. But one thing that reassures me is this thought, “do I feel reassured in their presence, does being around them make me feel relaxed in a way different than platonically” though it’s not always an easy question to answer, it’s a place to start

Evie._Vee

Date posted: 40w

@Evie._Vee You’re not alone, even if our feelings about this topic aren’t two sides of the same coin, I hope knowing that someone else feels the way you do helps. Sorry I couldn’t be more of a help to you, I hope everything works out for you! Even if it doesn’t turn out the way you expected it to!!

Brave through

Date posted: 40w

@Evie._Vee Hey thanks for the reply…but Feeling nothing no love if i breakup it would feel normal and okay to do and not calling him nothing and even with not scared but okay to feel with the thoughts cause they are true and now also no feeling just going with it to see if i can but if all the above and feels so true and doing for the sake of it breakup wouldn’t hurt and not even call or text and thoughts of beeakup and if have to force to talk to him cause no feelings means sooner or later breakup and something knows not ocd so cant even be reassured and will breakup?!? And like also don’t want to talk or feel like i am okay with not talking and if i do thats to get through this rn but this rn feels not ocd but actually no feelings which means i am trying but no feelings and i will still feel this means i am just delaying the breakup sooner or later will happen and i will start behaving so ir already have and its proof its not ocd but all this like rather than calling him watching some show making a face when he calls and all of this means i dont care and dont wnat right and these are like actual proofs of everything i mentioned so it cant be ocd? What do i do? Pls help i feel dissociated and nothing and no love to even save the relationship just numb and if so there is no love and nothing and not ocd but real just scared to accept?

Mariabae

Date posted: 17w

i would apreciate a response:( rocd

Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling for a long time with what I believe is ROCD. I constantly have doubts about my feelings toward my boyfriend. I feel numb, disconnected, unsure if I ever truly loved him, and sometimes I fear that I’m just pretending or lying to myself. I don’t feel happy when I think of him, I don’t miss him, and when I imagine doing things together, I feel nothing. And that terrifies me. But what hurts me even more right now is that my psychologist told me she doesn’t think I have OCD. She said I just believe it’s wrong not to like my boyfriend, and that’s why I’m stuck — because I can’t accept that I don’t like him. This only made my fears worse. Now I keep thinking: “What if I’m just in denial?” “What if I’m writing all this because I want it to be ROCD so I can feel better about not loving him?” But deep down, I’m suffering. I feel trapped in a fog of anxiety and detachment. I’ve had obsessive thoughts since I was little — especially intrusive ones, like inappropriate words or thoughts that made me feel really guilty. I would even tell my mom about them. So now I’m wondering… was this OCD all along? Why does it feel like my pain is invisible? And the worst part is… he loves me so much. He shows it in so many ways. He truly cares. But I don’t feel connected to him. I look at him and I feel nothing. Sometimes I feel like I’m acting — like I’m just going through the motions. And that makes me feel like the worst person in the world. I feel like no one else has ROCD like mine. That maybe I’m the exception. That maybe I’m not really struggling with OCD — maybe I’m just lying to myself. But I don’t want to lie. I want peace. I want to feel love again. I want to feel like myself again. If anyone has gone through this, or has felt the same after being dismissed by a therapist, please let me know. I feel so scared and alone. Thank you for reading.

Mariabae

Date posted: 13w

i need help, i dont know what is happening

I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.

Mariabae

Date posted: 12w

please read- rocd… or is it? im in agony

Hi. I wanted to stop posting here, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m feeling so lost. I’m in a relationship that, from the outside, looks wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years. He loves me deeply. He’s kind and caring. And still… I can’t feel anything. I can’t imagine a future with him — living together, starting a family, growing old. When I try, it feels like something in me shuts down, like it’s wrong. I don’t feel happiness in the relationship. I don’t feel love, warmth, or comfort. I feel anxiety, numbness, guilt, and fear. We fight over the smallest things. My thoughts scream that I don’t love him, that I’m forcing this, that I’m just used to him. The scariest part is: sometimes I feel okay, even calm. And that’s when it hits me — “What if this calm means I’ve accepted the truth? What if I don’t love him?” It feels like I’m in shock. Like I’m finally seeing clearly… but I’m terrified that it’s a clarity I never wanted. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I just know that I’m exhausted. And I want peace. If anyone else has felt this — the numbness, the fear, the doubt that feels like the truth — please tell me how you’ve gotten through it. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this. i know that people reading this will tell me to leave. but i dont have any reasons. All the problems started because of my never ending thoughts. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel like i have changed. im so lost and scared. i dont understand what is happening. It feels so real. im in agony, im crying so much. I wasnt always like this. i am trying to remember times i felt better and i cant. i cant feel anything. its so hard. i can’t explain how i feel and in scared what are you going to respond if someone will. i usually see “if you feel so bad then leave” but its not like that. he loves me so much and if the thoughts werent there it would gave been so different. everything was perfect. but i keep thinking that when the thoughts started, one and a half years ago, i realised that “i just dont like him” and gbat i couldn’t accept the truth and i am denying it. i feel fake. do i even have rocd? or is this cope?? why do i feel like this. why does it feel so real? please somebody help me

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Is this rocd or am i scared to accept the truth?

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