I just dont love my boyfriend? Pls help

I cant deny further that i feel nothing…Dont even feel like i am in a relationship and also like spoke to my bf in the morning and he said these thoughts are normal and mine isnt and maybe others they dont care so they go away with me its true and i am scared to accept so they dont go away and no reassurance helps and i constantly think about how no reassurance helps or makes sense cause the thoughts are true and if i breakup wouldnt feel anything and doesn’t feel anything now also so i dont love him and sooner or later it would come out and i dint even have a problem with breaking up ir feel bad cause i already dont feel like a relationship and if its so and the feeling and thoughts are so strong and its not making me anxious and i feel so with truth that they are true so it is and also distance is happening with the relationship then it is so and how my bf if it is then we will see then breakup and maybe realise a truth i wasnt scared of that and i thought to my head it is true and i wasnt anxious and was gonna say and felt it is already true i am just delaying it and i felt it and couldnt deny it and when he said is the truth felt like is the truth which means it is and i am denying and its true and not ocd truth and okay breaking up so what? I feel like i am just not accepting the truth and as a writing habit and being scared i write this its just not accepting and with all the above i feel so strongly that means is so and dont even feel like talking and just not accepting right? Not ocd right? Pls help

layla7262

Date posted: 41w

You say that you wouldn't feel anything if you broke up, but still, youre very anxious about the fact that you don't love him. I have ROCD and I've felt absolutely nothing, and next week I was so in love. The only thing tat helped me was ERP therapy. It really works. Give it a shot. You can find really good ERP "tutorial" on ROCD reddit page. Every time you have a thought or a feeling that you don't love him, make yourself more anxious by thinking: "Yeah, maybe I don't love him. Maybe I do want to break up! I love this anxiety!" It will be hard and draining, but if you think that your relationship is worth it, it will pay off. Eventually the fears wont have so much power over you. Never try to argua with the thoughts. It's like giving a cake to your OCD monster. Eventually you will learn to shrug off the thoughts and the feelings with just "Maybe!" Remember: - Everytime you resist ruminating, and accept the uncertainty wether you love him or not, OCD gets a little smaller. - OCD makes your brain go into a threat mode, and makes you feel no love. - With ERP, the feelings and the love will bloom again

Brave through

Date posted: 41w

@layla7262 Thankyou so much for helping me out i still had a few things running in my head if you could help would be grateful… so to begin with as you mentioned i am anxious about not loving him but what if and not what if i know it is scared to accept i dont and i feel nothing as a proof as he loves me so much and is nice so its guilt and nothing else and not ocd and again erp with it feels like that wont help too cause i feel and maybe even know that if i do erp and it comes from knowing that its not ocd so erp will not help i will just accept the thought breakup with him and i am scared of that and if i already know i feel this and feel like it means i already should i dont know how to explain but all spiral comes back to okay but in the end i can write and say all this but feeling nothing means its not there and i cant deny that i dont which means i truly dont and i am lying about it as well and those thoughts as you mentioned about erp with what comes to my head like i should breakup and erp being okay you should for me it will be doing it accepting it and i know that so i should do that right? Just scared which means again its not ocd and if i feel this so strongly it means it is so and one more very important thing idk if i am alone in this but i need your advice..so today when i was talking to him i was finding ways to get out of it like do you need to go to the gym or i have to go eat and cut the call early like i had other things to do and not want to spend time with him which again seems like if i dont want to and i as actually saying and doing it and means its not ocd and if this is how i feel it means i dont love or care and i feel like that and also this is just me getting scared to accept not ocd right… and with erp as i mentioned idk what i will even end up accepting and if it is that then i dont love and sooner or later will breakup so what is even happening now? I booked with a therapist tom and i feel she will say okay you feel so leave him i wont be anxious or question it and i will so again that would mean i am already okay with doing that and will right? And also that it will happen and i know or feel so so strongly so it is no matter how much i write i cant deny he is not my love ig and with something completely different this happened and turned out what i couldn’t deny later was true so it was with this as well? Pls help me it feels similar so i dont love and not even anxious so it is so and i know and feel so?

Brave through

Date posted: 41w

@layla7262 Do i actually not love my bf with all that i mentioned and i feel so is so… and maybe not even feel genuinely is cause my actions like i mentioned are proof?

layla7262

Date posted: 41w

@Brave through I'm going to help as much as I can. All this spiral, endless ruminating, everything in this is OCD attacking for the most important thing in your life. That spiral that youre talking about is called ruminating, and i think it could be one of your compulses. If you didn't like your boyfriend, it would be clear, and you would have a conversation with him. But becayse your lack of feelings for him right now, you are terrified. That is ocd. I felt immense guilt too. I felt like I was just pretending and didn't feel anything. ERP works that you have to find out these things: -Your triggers: for example, a feeling you dont like him, a thought that you would be happier without him, feeling guilt that you are a liar etc. Anything that is scary to you -Your compulses: Things you do to trying to ease the anxiety and fear your triggers make, for example trying to search for feelings, thinking things through. List 10 triggers and 10 compulses, and then create an alternative response to them. Here's some examples: "What if I just don't want to accept that I don't love him" -> Maybe I don't, but I will stay with him still! "What if it will never get better and I will feel this anxious until we break up" -> That would suck! I'm still going to be with him! Lol! You need to regognize and label these thoughts as OCD. You can think of a cartoon bully character, like nelson from The Simpsons, and all these stupid thoughts are just Nelson's words. No matter what OCD makes you feel YOU CAN CHOOSE TO STAY. ROCD is one of the OCDs where you just have to sit through it. I have had to pause my work to go to the bath room to repeat to myself my responses. Make sure your responses arent giving you releave. They are supposed to make you uncomfortable and anxious. Only that way Nelson will learn that it can't harm you anymore. Ask your therapist to help you with your ERP. And in the meantime, talk about this to your boyfriend, and ask him for support. ERP is easier when you have him by your side supporting you. Kiss him, hug him, spend quality time with him. No matter what you feel you can CHOOSE to stay. Its always your choise and you will get help and you will get better

Brave through

Date posted: 41w

@layla7262 Hey thankyou so much recently what i have been struggling with is like while talking to him i feel like i am losing interest or getting irritated or think like i have better things to do and like not be interested enough and he says with so much warmth like tell me about his life and i couldn’t be less interested or feel so and yes i dont say it to him but i feel it like i am done and idk if we have anything to talk about as well and i just feel like these feelings are actually true like backed up with what i am feeling and not ocd or intrusive thought but when it comes to me i feel bad and sad and scared not anxious and cant be ocd and this is me stating facts not asking for reassurance want to tell him i am not interested or getting irritated and feel also no connection i really dont know and i am writing this with so much calmness like no fear no anxiousness like stating a truth which is true and i am delaying acceptance or saying it but sooner or later will happen? Lying to him of how i am interested and the guilt is killing me and making anxious not ocd and i know i am not accepting cause otherwise why would i feel so strongly feel this at all and also back up with actions like above and cant deny that i felt it means it is.. Pls help me.. i am sorry i am disturbing you but idk who else to ask ig?

Brave through

Date posted: 41w

@layla7262 Also With this other guy who i didn’t want to accept was good for me but believe was but knew somewhere wasnt and and he wasnt and now i am with my boyfriend where i feel all this like i know no feeling which will turn out cause if i feel similar to that feeling means he isnt i just dont listen and i am okay with listening and breaking up just not taking that step and being numb about it not like i am not okay or scared which means not ocd and not anything else but with all is the truth? And like okay erp says you dont love him and i am like oh you actually dont and dont care so you are done and that also as a habit and nothing else i am writing and truly dont care means not OCD?

layla7262

Date posted: 41w

@Brave through In ERP you dont have to say to yourself that you dont like him. In ERP you have to accept the scary fact that you DONT KNOW if you like him. You have to sit in the discomfort of not knowing if its OCD or real. You should really talk to your therapist about this. You are spiraling and spiraling and no answer is good enough for your OCD. Nothing will be enough for your ocd. That is why you have to accept how you feel, and accept that you cant know for sure

Brave through

Date posted: 41w

@layla7262 I understand but like a part of me feels like you know its ocd and i feel like i know its not and its feeling cause of how it feels and how my actions seem to back it up ig rn.. like even right now i am crying cause i am scared of breaking his heart and losing a great guy but not like scared i dont have feelings which is the part of ocd so that means its not and also does ocd make you think and feel like oh i dont even want to talk to him everything he says irritates me and wants to cut the convo short but out of guilt stays and this is not me thinking but actually happening so it means its so and yes i can ask you a hundred times as well and still not believe ig because what i feel is true which i mentioned above then i should just leave and breakup if i feel nothing but not doing that cause scared no other reason… my therapist spoke about wanting sure answers and if my feeling is already so sure it is so and i know so cant accept? Can this be ocd at all or just anxiousness that i cant accept this? Pls i am sorry to burden this on you but just need help ig …

Mariabae

Date posted: 25w

please read please

I am so tired of this. I feel ashamed of myself. I waited until it was late to post this because I can’t take it anymore. My boyfriend is at my house right now. We saw each other today—he brought me a bouquet of flowers, we went out, and then came back home. But I just couldn’t stop thinking that he was annoying me or that I couldn’t stand him, even though he wasn’t doing anything wrong. I felt irritated and distant the entire time. And when we got home, it got even worse. We ended up arguing because of how distant I was, but I couldn’t help it. All I could think about was that I don’t love him, that I don’t like him, that I’m a liar, and that I’m just pretending when I’m with him. I kept thinking that I’m only with him because I’m used to him and that I just don’t want to accept the truth that I don’t love him. When he hugged me, I couldn’t be present. When we kissed, I felt absolutely nothing. Nothing. He kissed me, and I couldn’t even focus or try to connect with what was happening—I just wanted to cry. I feel like a liar who refuses to accept the truth. I started going to therapy, but I’ve only had one session. My psychologist told me to write in a journal, to reflect on what role fear plays in my life and why I feel so unsettled. I wrote, “The possibility that my thoughts might be true.” But now I just think I’m lying—to myself, to my boyfriend, even to my psychologist—because I want to believe I love him, but my mind tells me I don’t feel anything. I couldn’t even sit comfortably with him, I couldn’t enjoy being in his arms—I just felt sad. I’m so scared that this is real. It feels real. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I feel like I’m lying to everyone. Like I’m in denial. I don’t know how to do this anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 13w

panic. scared. it feels real

Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?

Mariabae

Date posted: 13w

i cant do it

I feel like I’m falling apart. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He’s kind, loving, supportive — and I know he loves me deeply. But I can’t feel anything anymore. I sit next to him, and I feel numb. I kiss him, and it feels empty. I remember how I used to feel, and now… nothing. It terrifies me. The worst part is that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I constantly question if I ever loved him, if I’m just forcing things out of guilt or fear. Sometimes I imagine breaking up, and I feel nothing — and that scares me even more. I keep thinking: if I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel it? I’ve read about ROCD. I want to believe that’s what this is. But the thoughts feel so real. And I can’t stop spiraling. My therapist didn’t help — she made me feel like maybe I was lying to myself. My mom either tells me to stop overthinking or gets angry. I have no one to really talk to. If anyone here has been through this — through the numbness, the “what if I never loved him?” thoughts, the feeling like it’s all fake — please tell me how you got through. I’m exhausted. I just want to feel peace again.

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I just dont love my boyfriend? Pls help

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