Navigating an Unintentional 9/10 Moment: Progress, Not Perfection

Today was one of those days where OCD decided to throw a curveball—completely unplanned and uninvited. It wasn’t one of those moments where I’d geared up for exposure practice or had a strategy ready. Instead, it hit out of nowhere. This morning, I noticed a massive 4-foot scratch on my car when I got to work. It was glaring, impossible to miss, and my mind immediately spiraled into overdrive. This was after intentionally avoiding any distractions during my commute (no videos, no crutches). For about two hours, I had no idea how or when the scratch happened, and it felt awful. My brain latched onto the uncertainty, feeding me all the “what ifs” and “should haves” it could muster. And as if the scratch itself wasn’t enough, there was the bigger, familiar fear lurking in the background: the fear of being a disappointment. The thought that I might have harmed someone or caused damage—or that I would be a disappointment to those I valued the most—loomed large. It wasn’t just about the car. It was about the story my OCD loves to tell me: What if this makes me bad? What if I’m careless? What if I’ve let everyone down? In that moment, I had to make a choice. I couldn’t undo the scratch or magically find an answer to what caused it, but I could decide how I responded. I kept telling myself: This is uncomfortable, but I can handle it. Something happened, or maybe it didn’t, but either way, I have to sit with this feeling. Later, my husband figured it out. The scratch happened when he was squeezing by my car to bring the trash bins in. Even after learning the cause, though, the anxiety didn’t disappear. If anything, it hung around, whispering that I still needed to fix something or do something to make it “right.” What’s wild is that I’d been having a great couple of days before this. I felt like I was making progress—fewer compulsions, less spiraling—and then this situation hit, and I felt like I’d been thrown a million miles backwards. That’s the thing about OCD: progress isn’t linear. And then there’s the added layer of fear: this nagging worry that I’ll never stop letting people down, that even little mistakes or accidents somehow make me a failure in someone else’s eyes. That weight can feel unbearable sometimes. As the day went on, though, I noticed a shift. It wasn’t dramatic, but the anxiety started to lose its edge. I’m proud of myself for not falling back into old habits—no reassurance-seeking, no obsessing over the car, no chasing answers to make the anxiety disappear. But I won’t sugarcoat it. It’s still hard. I’m nervous about getting back in the car later. Will I feel paralyzed, stuck in the moment when I first saw the scratch? Or will I be able to move on like it’s just another part of the day? Right now, I don’t know, but here’s what I do know: I didn’t give up today. I faced a 9/10 anxiety moment, and even though it wasn’t graceful or ideal, I kept going. It didn’t feel good, and it wasn’t perfect, but I’m still here, still trying, still moving forward.

Highlandcow

Date posted: 38w

The thing to remember with hypotheticals is that they are always technically possible. Just like a pig flying is technically possible. It could happen. But it doesn’t. It’s technically possible you could have hit someone, but the likelihood is so extremely low that you could hit someone and not know that it’s not worth even considering. Just like how it’s possible on my drive home from work today I could get run over by a semi. But I accept that it’s possible and I’m sure that I’m a safe driver and I’ll be fine. Accept the uncertainty tell yourself that’s maybe it happened, but I don’t think so based on the factual evidence. Therefore I’m accepting uncertainty and living my life based on logic and not thoughts or feelings. There is no certainty you will never get it, but there is acceptance.

nae nae

Date posted: 14w

Mini vent (sorta)!

I'm struggling with a lot of doubts today, but trying the best I can to keep on living my life 🥲 I'm on 150mg of Sertraline right now, and honestly, I'm feeling a lot better than before. Do I still get triggered? Yes! But I'm handling it easier. The only issue is, I feel like I'm obsessing over recovering? Not if I'm doing it "right," but more so getting to a point where I feel "perfect." That's not possible, I know. Even before OCD spiraled out of control, I struggled with other issues on a daily basis. But life felt simpler back then, and I didn't have this magical (and annoying) ability to remember every single bad thing that's ever happened to me or every single intrusive thought I've ever had in extreme detail 😭 Whenever I'm feeling okay, I can not help but think, "Remember how bad it was (insert time-frame)?" And then my mind zip zaps through every instance I've ever felt anxiety, like...? I don't even know if it's me doing this or if its OCD, but it frustrates me so, so much when it happens. Anyway, that's all for now... If anyone can relate, we're in this together 🤍 Hang in there!

Anonymous

Date posted: 12w

A Year of Climbing Out 🧡

A reflection I never saw myself being able to write✨ One year ago today, I was spiraling for a second time because I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, again. Getting through it once was doable but twice? I truly thought I was losing my mind. OCD wasn’t just a shadow in the background — it was a loud, relentless voice narrating fear, doubt, and compulsions into every corner of my life. I couldn’t trust my thoughts, couldn’t rest in silence. I was questioning everything. I was exhausted coasting through the motions of life trying to survive every minute of every day. But today — I’m here. Still imperfect, still human, but finally free in a way I didn’t think was possible. I got here by learning the hardest, most empowering lesson of my life: I had to stop depending on anyone else to pull me out. I had to stop outsourcing my safety, my certainty, my worth. I had to become the person I could rely on — not in a cold, lonely way, but in the most solid, liberating way possible. You see, healing didn’t come when others gave me reassurance — it came when I stopped needing it. When I realized no one could fight the war in my mind for me. It had to be me. Not because others didn’t care — but because I had to be the one to stop running from fear. I had to choose courage over comfort, again and again. And boy was that rough. But I did. Through therapy, I retrained my brain. (Shout out to Casey Knight🙏🏼) I stopped dancing to OCD’s obsessive rhythm and started rewriting the song. And yeah — the beat dropped a few times. But I kept moving forward. Slowly, I started turning my mind into a place I wanted to live in. I made it beautiful. Not by forcing positive thoughts, but by planting seeds of truth: 🌱 Not every thought deserves attention. 🌱 Discomfort doesn’t mean danger. 🌱 Uncertainty is not the enemy — it’s just part of being alive. I started treating my mind like a garden instead of a battlefield. I let go of perfection and started watering what was real, what was kind, what was mine. And let’s be honest — there were still a few weeds. (Hello, OCD — always trying to “check in.” ) Because healing isn’t linear, I still have days where I feel back to square one, but it’s a day, not a week, month, or another year of surrendering. But here’s the “punny” truth: OCD tried to check me, but I checked myself — with compassion, courage, & a whole lot of practice. To anyone still caught in the spiral — I want you to know: you are not broken. You don’t need to wait for someone else to save you. No else will. The strength you’re looking for? It’s already in you. It might be buried under fear, doubt, and rumination, but it’s there — patient and unbreakable. Start small. Start scared. Just start. Because when you stop relying on the world to reassure you, and start trusting your own ability to face uncertainty, you get something even better than comfort — you get freedom, resilience, power & SO much more. You don’t have to control every thought/urge to have a beautiful mind. You just have to stop believing every thought/urge is the truth. You don’t have to be fearless , you just have to act in spite of fear. You are not crazy You are not a monster You are not evil You are human You are capable And if OCD ever tries to take over again, just smile and say, “Nice try. But not today.” — Someone who came back to life, one brave thought at a time 🧡

summerloveru...

Date posted: 7w

my story

So... I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to do any of the things I loved; OCD took the joy out of it. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again." Love you!!!

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Navigating an Unintentional 9/10 Moment: Progress, Not Perfection

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