So i have rocd but bow idk if it is anymore. i see my therpist tomm but it is hard too grasp what is what anymore.

This weekend, my boyfriend came to visit me. Before he arrived, I had so many compulsions—I was constantly seeking reassurance, even talking to ChatGPT right up until he got to my house. When he arrived, I tried to listen to what ChatGPT had told me and focus on being present. Even though I still had intrusive thoughts, I was able to feel better at times—I felt love, I wanted to kiss him, and I had moments of connection. But at the same time, there were moments where he would speak kindly to me or express his feelings, and I would have thoughts like “I don’t care about him” or “I feel nothing.” I didn’t feel the compassion I thought I should, and that scared me. Still, overall, I felt relatively better than usual. I had NOCD uninstalled until now, and on Wednesday, I have my first therapy appointment. But now, I’m doubting whether I even need therapy. I start thinking: “What if I can heal on my own?” or “What if going to therapy is a mistake?” And the worst one: “What if I go and realize I don’t have ROCD, and I actually just don’t like my boyfriend?” My boyfriend keeps trying to help me see things rationally. He told me that I have unrealistic expectations of love and that I don’t need to feel constant affection to be in love. He also told me that if I truly didn’t love him, I wouldn’t be feeling so much distress about this. And logically, I know that’s true, but intrusive thoughts still scream the opposite. After he left, I started feeling irritated with him when he talked through messages on the gc woth me and my best friend, like I couldn’t stand him, and that thought scared me. I also had moments thinking about that boy from school, that my mind was scared if me thinking about that random boy i dont know because a while ago i was scared of looking at other boys, ghinking im a horible gf . When I kissed my boyfriend, sometimes his image popped into my head, and I felt terrible. My boyfriend tells me that since I feel guilty and distressed, it’s proof that I love him—because I wouldn’t be this anxious if I didn’t care. But then I get thoughts saying the exact opposite. It’s like my mind keeps creating arguments to convince me that my worst fear is real. I’m exhausted

Struggling really hard right now, going through a lot of changes in my relationship with decisions for grad school coming out for both of us, I can’t tell if it’s my ocd or if it’s real anymore. I love her so much but sometimes I cant really see the future like I can see 6 months in advance but that’s about it I’m scared of what it means to see a future. I don’t want to be with anyone else and I am okay with being alone but I couldn’t stand to lose her.

i just realized that my relationship ocd is triggered the second i view someone as a potential partner! i just got the smallest crush on someone and immediately was checking my phone every few minutes for their messages and reading into their responses as either good or bad texts and made some tie to my worth based on how they reply or how quick! uh oh haha. just so many checking and overthinking compulsions. at least i realized this and can now bring it up in therapy to practice RPMs with my therapist!! RPMs are like life savers for my ocd, they help so much :,). i feel happy that i realized it was ocd. i used to think it was just feelings triggered by my ex and how he made me feel for three years. but now i realize it’s ocd and i can work on this which makes me feel better. i’m not sure if it “counts” as rocd but it definitely reminds me of how my rocd acts in a relationship. best of luck and big hugs to anyone who is struggling with rocd too!🎀🧚🏻‍♀️💗