fear of schizophrenia/psychosis vent

tw / this theme is literally ruining my life. I can’t get a moments peace, all the symptoms I have feel so real and googling the symptoms caused more to show up and it’s so scary now. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I might actually have it and I’m so scared. nothing is helping. I’m going to be stuck in this theme forever or actually become psychotic or schizophrenic. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m over analyzing every little symptom as possible schizophrenia, and no matter how many times people tell me “crazy people don’t know they’re crazy”, my ocd still has me convinced I have it or I’m developing it. I’m so, so sick of my anxiety and ocd. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel trapped. these are just some of my symptoms: - Almost constantly seeing something out of the corner of my eye, shadows/figures/moving, etc. - Difficulty concentrating. - Newer symptom - difficulty talking (more frequent pauses in talking, forgetting what I was saying, struggling to find words, struggling to form sentences for a minute before I figure it out) - Extremely stressed and anxious almost at all times. - Extreme fear of losing my mind - Occasional feeling of impending doom - Forgetfulness (easily forgetting what I was saying/doing or what I was going to say/do) - Constantly pausing or rewinding videos/TV to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating the sound. - Occasional thoughts of “is this real?” “What if I’m actually just dreaming?” “Am I hallucinating all of this?” type of thing. - Difficulty getting to sleep, every night I don’t sleep until like 1-2 a.m. when I inevitably can’t keep my eyes open anymore and pass out, frequently wake up throughout the night Side note on this one: I’m afraid to sleep due to my OCD convincing me that something will happen in my sleep or I’ll sleepwalk or something like that. - Dissociation/zoning out - Almost always tired/yawning/exhausted/heavy eye feeling - Lack of interest in hobbies/shows/etc I’m so, so tired. I feel so hopeless and like my worst fears are actually coming true. Googling schizophrenia and psychosis just caused more symptoms and now I feel miserable. I wish I didn’t have to worry about this. I wish I could live happily and carefree. all of this venting and still nothing seems to help. Nothings helping. I’m just going to be stuck like this forever. I want to cry, I want to break down. I’m sick of living in fear. I’m sick of questioning my sanity. Now I’m spiraling that maybe I am schizophrenic or psychotic and this is just the beginning and it’s just going to get worse from here and I’ll end up losing myself and my mind/sanity. What if I lose the ones I love around me because they can’t stand me anymore. Im worried im not going to be myself anymore and im never going to recover and its just going to get worse.

Username: it’s a battleit’s a battle

Date posted: 6w ago

We might be the exact same person lol. But my theme and honestly all of this OCD crap began because my dad is in psychosis and had to be hospitalized for it and it has traumatized me to the point where I am like almost willing myself into thinking I have it

Username: Someone99Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6w ago

Please stop googling symptoms. Deep breath, calm your mind and body. What happens throughout our lives is we develop pathways in our brains based on how we think, how we respond to thoughts. It happens to all of us, not just you. The good news is, we can retrain our brains and create new pathways. That's essentially what we do in ERP therapy. There is hope. When I read posts like yours, my heart breaks and I want to do anything I can to help. Can I ask your age and if you're able to get the care you need?

Username: underanancientsununderanancie...

Date posted: 6w ago

I'm also struggling with this theme and all I can say is SAME. I've noticed I'm also slower and more dissociated lately. I tend to forget things more now ever since this theme started and I'm not sure if it's from the stress of this or not. I haven't been sleeping well at all and as soon as I open my eyes in the morning it's the first thing on my mind and I wonder " Is today the day it's finally going to happen?" I also rewind videos constantly because I pick up on the white noise of them and wonder if I was hallucinating or not. It’s gotten to the point where I'm constantly audio recording with my phone to see if the sounds are hearing are real or not.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 18d ago

Did you get worse??? I’m having literally all of this right now even the speech!

Username: totallynotjade_totallynotjade_

Date posted: 18d ago

@Anonymous I’ve actually gotten a lot better! I hardly worry about it anymore!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 17d ago

@totallynotjade_ I’m so terrified about going psychotic. How did you get over it?

Username: totallynotjade_totallynotjade_

Date posted: 17d ago

@Anonymous I just accepted that one day I might somehow become psychotic. “Maybe I will”.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 17d ago

@totallynotjade_ Do you take medication?

Username: totallynotjade_totallynotjade_

Date posted: 17d ago

@Anonymous I do not :)

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 15d ago

@totallynotjade_ - It is comforting to hear that people do get better, it can be so discouraging sometimes tackling OCD

Username: ninkaninga

Date posted: 17w ago

Loosing my mind please help me

I feel like im loosing my mind. I feel like i experience derealization or what. I feel confused like very very confused. I cant even think normally. Im just tired. I feel like im loosing myself. Im scared that everyone tells me that i have OCD, but what if this is all true? I dont think and im scared that other so-ocd sufferers dont feel this way as i do. I feel literally, LITERALLY so convinced that this must be true. It feels like i already accepted that this is true. Im done. My brain is broken. I even started to have thoughts like what if i have schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder. Help me please. Do i have psychosis or what?

Username: anonymousmm

Date posted: 17w ago

RELIGIOUS/HARM OCD

I don’t know what to do, I feel so lost and feel like I’m losing my mind… I don’t know what to do, I am still getting the terrible thoughts of “God is telling you to kill someone” and I’m literally mid panic attack, I keep trying to reason with logic because it even says in the 10 commandments “thou shall not murder.” So I don’t even know why I’m getting these thoughts… ugh… people say that intrusive thoughts trigger things you care about the most, which mine would be Jesus & the people around me, which is why I get the harm OCD about people I care about the most.. someone recently said that I could be schizophrenic and now I’m terribly worried that I could have that.. I am so terribly afraid of becoming “crazy” and doing horrible things… can someone please give me tips to help this, and or message me?

Username: alondrahuaman

Date posted: 17w ago

I am so scared and alone.

Hi everyone. So recently I have been feeling so scared and paranoid of going crazy. I am terrified of i will go crazy and turn schizo. I’m so hyper aware of everything. My mind convinces me that I will end up like this but I really don’t want to.It’s my biggest fear and I think abt it almost everyday and I can’t handle it anymore. I just want to be ok. I have told my parents this and they say it’s all in my head and just laugh at me. I know it’s in my head but I physically feel sick to my stomach being constantly scared. Please someone help me please please. Thank you.

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