Username: nae nae

Date posted: 29d ago

I'm sorry. Just need to vent. :(

This might contain triggering content, but I'm also wondering if others have dealt with this similar thought, and if so, how to deal with it? Overall, I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm able to eat again, which I hadn't been able to do because of how much anxiety I'd been experiencing. I'm spending time around loved ones and not just rotting in my room, and I've been able to wake up without immediately being bombarded by intrusive thoughts. When things first got really bad, I'd wake my mom up every night for reassurance, but I haven't done that in a while either. I'm really proud of myself, but there's still this nagging thought in my mind... While looking through others posts on here, hoping to find advice that'd fit my situation, I ended up making things worse. Someone mentioned how they had a fear that they'd purposely search for illegal content (related to POCD). I panicked, and "what ifs" flooded my thoughts. "What if the intrusive thoughts affect who I am as a person, and I do that?" I'm terrified that I'll search for those things, which I know means I wouldn't do it. But then, another person on here said they'd actually looked for those things, and that freaked me out even more. Does that mean it's possible for that to happen to me? I don't want to do that, but I keep having intrusive thoughts surrounding it. I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm just... stuck. I don't know what to do. I've spoken with other people who have the same fears, but how do I manage this? It's not something I've even thought about before seeing those posts. I've been practicing accepting the uncertainty, but I'm really struggling with this one. I hate this. This morning, I woke up, and the intrusive thoughts were back. It's just disheartening.

Username: Mitu_001Mitu_001

Date posted: 29d ago

Hey .I am sorry you deal with this.When my pocd started , it was really horrible(still is ) but then I thought..I will search these things two.I also looked through posts and saw people who actually searched .Is really scary that people do that.But also I knew that I wont search that..no matter how bad my pocd was.Remember that if you fear something ..You wont do it.And I know is hard to accept uncertainty.When is about such terrible themes.You wont do that.

Username: nae naenae nae

Date posted: 29d ago

Thank you, It's comforting to know I'm not alone with this. Deep down, I can't imagine myself doing it, but the intrusive thoughts make it all seem so real and possible. We got this🫂

Username: 🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 29d ago

Hi I'm going through the same thing it's been going on for 3 months now for me and I just don't think ill be ok I've tried taking some time off of this app too but nothings working and I've also tried accepting the uncertainty and I litterly just can't do it... i litterly has urges to look up bad things too 2 months ago but it's passed and i know I would never ever do that ever. people on here have been very supportive of me and tried their best and I'm thankful but I just don't think it's enough because I litterly feel like I'm brain has convinced me that I'm a monster and the worst part about is that I don't even get anxiety like I used too now I feel dull and I'm used to the thoughts but they don't really bother me but I don't want to think about them because it's gross and disgusting but i know how you feel your not alone💗

Username: nae naenae nae

Date posted: 29d ago

This is my exact situation. I'm sorry we're both dealing with this. It's the worst. The anxiety isn't really there for me either (because of medication), and it's led me to have thoughts like, "what if it's not an intrusive thought/urge, but genuine curiosity?" And it's really scary... I have to remind myself that if it were true, and if I really were a bad person, I wouldn't be so worried about it. Try to remind yourself of that as well. I wish we didn't have to go through this, but it's also comforting to know that I'm not alone. It can feel very isolating, so thank you for replying! 🫂

Username: Mitu_001Mitu_001

Date posted: 29d ago

We got this!

Username: hanysm@gmail.comhanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 29d ago

I need to clarify—are you worried about searching for material you feel you shouldn't be looking for? If that's the case, your concern itself shows that (1) you don’t actually want to do it, and (2) you won't act on it. You’re stronger than you realize, and OCD is just trying to sow seeds of doubt. Imagine those intrusive thoughts as an annoying dog that won't stop barking. You don't need to prove anything to the dog by barking back. Just let it bark and continue on your path. Eventually, it will lose interest and fade away.

Username: nae naenae nae

Date posted: 29d ago

Yes, that's my worry right now. I had this thought before, but I had been able to move on from it. But it's back again, and I sort of panicked. Thank you for the reply. It really means a lot. I'm feeling a little better after making this post and seeing everyone's replies. I'll apply the advice you've given me about just letting it back. I hope I'll be able to move on from this again. It's the worst🥲

Username: hanysm@gmail.comhanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 29d ago

@nae nae Imagine the profound metaphor of a water droplet gradually piercing through solid rock. This simple yet powerful analogy shows a fundamental truth about human resilience and healing, especially when confronting challenges like OCD. Just as a single water droplet, through consistent and patient effort, can eventually penetrate a seemingly impenetrable rock, your journey through OCD is about steady, unwavering persistence. Each moment of resistance, each small step you take, is like that droplet - seemingly insignificant, but ultimately transformative. Think of your OCD struggles as being cast into a turbulent, stormy ocean. The natural instinct might be to fight frantically against the waves, exhausting yourself in the process. However, true survival lies in a counterintuitive approach: remain calm, avoid reactive panic, float with the current, and trust the process. By maintaining composure and not struggling against your intrusive thoughts, you conserve mental energy. Just as the ocean naturally carries a floating object to shore, your mind will find its way to peace if you allow it. Remember: You are far more resilient than you realize. Your ability to face OCD is a testament to your inner strength. Persistence is your most powerful weapon - keep moving forward, one droplet at a time. Stay strong. You've got this.

Username: nae naenae nae

Date posted: 29d ago

@hanysm@gmail.com You write so eloquently... Have you considered publishing? That was a beautiful way to explain that. Honestly, thank you so much for all the advice and for taking the time to respond to my post. Your words really helped calm my thoughts, and I feel a lot more hopeful. Much appreciated. I won't forget this! 🤍

Username: hanysm@gmail.comhanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 29d ago

@nae nae Thank you, but I don't deserve the whole credit. After I wrote my post, I passed it to chatGPT to proofread and also it refined my wording. I am very happy you feel better.

Username: nae naenae nae

Date posted: 28d ago

@hanysm@gmail.com Still, it was very helpful! :)

Username: Em2003Em2003

Date posted: 23d ago

Girl I’m so so sorry you’re going through this too. I feel so scared. I’m going through the exact same thing except those moments where I know for a fact I wouldn’t act on it are rare. So I’m constantly afraid I’m going to give in and search because of how real it feels. OCD seems to distort even my deep down feelings and I am petrified

Username: nae naenae nae

Date posted: 23d ago

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this as well. It's so scary... I'll write a more detailed response on the post you made a little earlier. :(

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

(PLEASE READ) feeling helpless

*PLEASE READ* I’ve been struggling with bad harm intrusive thoughts for a couple years now. They’ll go away for a couple of months then get triggered by something and start all over again. As much as I try to tell myself that I would never act on these thoughts I have a memory from when I was little that I was going to hurt my parents in their sleep and that memory has haunted me till now. Of course I didn’t hurt them but I thought it and I feel so guilty about it today that it makes me sick to my stomach. I love my parents so much and would never want to hurt them or anybody. I just want these thoughts to go away because they don’t line up with my values of who I am. But every time I tell myself that my thoughts are not facts that memory pops up making me feel like an awful person. I feel right now as if I don’t deserve any love from anyone because of these thoughts. I’m a believer of God and I feel as if I don’t deserve his love as well and that he has given up on me. These thoughts have also turned into a new theme of being scared I’m actually crazy and going into a psychosis. I’m just so scared and just want to be normal. As much as I tell myself ocd lies to you these thoughts have really scared me and I haven’t felt like myself in days. I’ve also struggled with health anxiety and intrusive suicidal thoughts. I know seeking reassurance isn’t good but I’m so scared.

Username: daveypoo

Date posted: 18w ago

I’m scared I’m being a disgusting person

So I’m 15 and I first realized I had ocd when I was 13. It started with a bad dream I had that triggered intrusive thoughts. The theme of these thoughts were almost purely sexual. It started as Iocd, and that turned into compulsions of not letting family touch me at all and cleaning myself with alcohol and hydrogen peroxide to get rid of “family germs” because in my mind that meant I was a bad person if I so much as even touched an object that they touched, I just started getting over it recently and I’m feeling a lot better, but the other day another theme was triggered after I heard about this guy called “smartschoolboy” and he disgusts me so much. He’s disgusting. After I heard about him it started triggering intrusive thoughts. I was sobbing over the pocd thoughts the other day, and my brain won’t stop trying to convince me that I am one. No matter what. Today it was “why aren’t you crying about these intrusive thoughts like you were the other day, that must mean you think it’s okay to be one” and it just hurts so much to have these thoughts, I can’t live in peace and I was literally fine just a week or two ago, how do I get rid of this, I just want to be happy again (sorry not to sound dramatic I’m just really scared right now) I mean deep down I know I’m not one every time I hear about one I feel disgusted, I hate even thinking about the fact that those type of people exist, but whenever I tell myself that my brain gets to convince me otherwise. My thoughts have always (mostly) been sexually themed but these are the most disturbing ones I’ve had and I’m so scared right now, anything helps please 🙏🏻

Username: Kay_buni

Date posted: 13w ago

POCD has taken over my life for the past years.

POCD has been the worst thing I've ever been through. I feel like I have always sort of experienced it but not to the degree I do now. I used to plan being a mother to a beautiful family. Now I don't know if I'll ever have children at the risk of having a girl. I used to have intrusive thoughts that would make me feel weird but I could just move on from them. That was until I had to babysit my niece and change her diaper. I want to throw up thinking about it. I got a horribly strong groinal response and I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand why it was happening. It bothered me all day that day and later on I did the disgusting deed of testing myself. I regret it everyday. It's a horrible compulsion and it haunts me. I tested if I was getting off to the thought of her. And of course there was stimulation because of the groinal response. But I hated doing it. I just felt like I had to be sure. After that and since then I haven't wanted to be around her. I stopped planning being a mother, I stopped watching cute baby videos like I used to enjoy because they trigger disgusting intrusive thoughts. After a while I stopped being intimate with my boyfriend and haven't done anything with for months because the thoughts take over and make me feel like I may enjoy the deed more if I was thinking of children. I worry that maybe I do enjoy these thoughts and I'm just denying it. I wish I could be sure. I feel so disgusting and ugly, I've never hated myself this much. It takes over most of my days. I wish I had never changed her diaper. Some times in moments of clarity I am so sure that I'm not a predator, but when I am vulnerable OCD sneaks back in and tells me I enjoy my thoughts and that I should think them. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I have to test. I wish I could stop. It ruins my entire week. I feel like a monster. I want to love my life again. I miss life before this. I feel so hopeless most of the time and I can't imagine a way out. I'm scared to start therapy because what if I found out I am a monster? I can't live like that. I won't. I want to cry and scream. Am I alone in this?

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I'm sorry. Just need to vent. :(

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