- Date posted
- 36w
Made a mistake of asking Reddit for advice
So for background: bf is Muslim, I am Christian and bisexual, and we have slightly different beliefs on the topics of queer life. He’s not opposed to anything queer people do and is respectful and asks me questions when he doesn’t get something, like how I figured out I was bi (had a crush on a girl that felt the same as having a crush on guy). But my brain latching onto this slight difference is making it the be all end all of the relationship. I worry about kids and what would happen if they were queer even tho I know his answer, he’d love them and wouldn’t disown them but would know it’s a challenge from god, while me I’d be there for whatever choice they child makes, and he would be too. And I’m 19 so kids are a 10+ year out issue and another 15 years on that for identity stuff I just want my kids to be generally respectful human beings and if they need to talk about smthn I want us to be an open space. I know for Muslims it’s taboo and I’ve seen debate about what the Quran says about queerness. From what I’ve read online, not directly from a Quran: homosexuality isn’t mentioned at all, lut’s people were punished for rape, tho I’d have to read back. I’ve spoken to queer Muslims for advice, read what I can from both sides. And me growing up Christian I’ve seen the same ideas perpetuated And my bf ig is indifferent? To queerness that is. He’s not one to go to pride, which is fine I’m not a huge fan of parades myself, but he’s ok talking about it for him it’s a “not practicing” thing. He’s ok with people loving who they love and wouldn’t verbally abuse someone for being in love with someone of the same sex. Idk what he thinks tho when he does see a same sex couple or I mention smthn about a queer show I like. I mentioned this to the ROCD subreddit, bad idea. Someone said I clearly don’t feel safe and think this is the best I’m gonna get out of life or smthn and he’s hoping I change but we’ve agreed, no converting unless it’s of my own will, and we have our beliefs, I’d likely take on teaching stuff about pride doing my best to not cross a boundary. Which sayinf does feel weird to me but I hope my kids will know I’m a safe person to talk about it with cuz I am queer. I do feel safe and loved with him, I just wanna broaden his horizons to the struggles of queer people, especially in his community which is easier said than done and we don’t talk about queer stuff very often. I’m very outspoken during pride, he isn’t, which as a man, Muslim or not, I get. Now I feel numb and I’m crying a lot cuz idk if I can teach him anything from my pov or if I just have to end it. I don’t wanna do that. I did find myself a couple months ago when this topic started saying I hope nothing happens with our kids cuz I’m scared of divorce but I don’t think what happens with them would affect us, maybe some tension. Idk. I’ve seen people, Muslim and Christian, support their kids, so I’m hoping an overwhelming love for his child would maybe change his mind. I’m worried about every possibility of divorce not just this one part, I’m worried I’m gonna realize I’m in the wrong relationship or that I’m gay and have to leave, the second I know is not true. I’m bi and always have been, always will be. Tho I’m really worried it’s just comphet and I’m only in this relationship cuz I have to have a husband not because I love the man. I do love him and feel genuine feelings towards him it’s just they’re really buried under all the anxiety. I feel like everyone is gonna say the same thing. No he doesn’t expect me to convert to Islam. No he doesn’t believe in forcing things on me. Yes thisbis a taboo topic and idk how to approach it. I’ve been reading from Muslims for progressive values, lgbt muslims on Reddit, and my friend who is also queer and an ex Muslim cuz she didn’t align with it, recommended a local queer Muslim association. I know in Islam the thoughts are acceptable but the actions are not but from what I’ve read, the actions of the prophet lut’s people was rape but I could be incorrect because I haven’t read the Quran itself. Islam is a beautiful religion and I have thought about converting but there’s that one caveat to it. I’ve seen reverts denounce their queerness and to each their own but my bisexuality will always be mine regardless of mine or my partner’s religion. There’s no guarantee of the future, things could change between now and then both better and worse. Idek if I can have kids, carry to term or even begin to carry them cuz of my figure (im underweight for my age and height and it doesn’t seem to improve lol) I just wanna grow with him, I’m learning what I can from him and I want him to do the same. We’ve made our compromises on holidays and stuff, neither of us will do much of the religious for the other but we will spend time together during Christmas and Ramadan cuz that’s what matters to me at least. And I know it’s hard to change hard instilled religious belief but I’d like to at least get him to be more open in talking about it. He’s watched good omens with me, very low queer exposure but still, it’s smtjn. I’d like to have him watch falsettos cuz it’s musical and it’s about smtjn that deeply impacted queer people in the 70s/80s and has religious tones (judaism) and it’s one of my favourites. He’s iffy on drag but I like explaining it’s fun for me to express smthn like this even if it’s a 0.0000001% chance of changing his mind. It’s at least educating him. He’ll sometimes respond with an ohh or a huh interesting which makes me happy that he wants to listen even if he doesn’t get it. Idk if anything will change in the future. But I wanna live through this with him and idk if it’s just a huge obsession or if it’s an actual concern. I need to stay off of this app and Reddit honestly.